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Our first child to leave the nest.....

burmbuster

burmbuster

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We have three kids. One daughter and two sons. Daughter is the oldest. She leaves for college next month and its just gut renching to me. I think my wife is coping better than I am. She has a good head on her shoulders but its a damn cruel world out there. Anyone else go through this? How did you cope?
 
How far away is college? Will she be coming home often?
 
Well, I'll speak on my parents' behalf. Three years ago, I left for college, and I was the first to leave. Like your daughter, I have a good head on my shoulders, and have never once done anything that could get me into trouble. Heck, I'm 21 and have yet to touch an alcoholic beverage or smoke anything. But anyway, I live in north GA, and went to school at Georgia Southern, which is 5 hours away. They told me the hardest thing they ever had to do was pull out of my dorm parking lot and leave me down there, knowing they wouldn't be seeing me for a while. My mom couldn't handle it at all, and my dad actually had a pretty hard tome with it too, as we're a super close family. I think what got us all through that first year was lots of phone calls, visits, and Skype or regular chat. I dread the day when I have a kid and they leave for school. It was rough. But, it won't take too long before you all kinda get used to the situation, and it makes it easier. Stay in touch big time if she doesn't mind talking with you guys on the phone often, it helps. And look at it this way, at least you have a couple more kids at the house. I would have to think that an only child leaving would be the worst thing ever. You'll eventually feel better about it, and if she's a good kid, she'll find the right group of people to hang out with. I found a good college ministry to join and spend all my time with. Maybe you could suggest the same for her. Hope this helps man.
 
I was the first in my family to leave. I went to Auburn which was 7 hours away from home. I always thought my mom would struggle, so it surprised me greatly when my dad had a hard time when I left. Me and my dad have always been very close, and it hit him really hard. I never knew how hard it was until a few years later when my mom told me how much he struggled with it. WE still talked a couple times a week, mostly about sports. I talked to my mom more often, against my will half the time, since I still hate telephone calls.

Now I've been out of school for a few years and I live a half hour from home again. My dad is still my best friend, and we play golf once or twice everyweek. My sister leaves for next week, and my parents will be empty nesters. It should be a little bit easier this time, she is going to school in Daytona, which is only 2 and a half hours away, and she has a boyfriend who lives here so I'm sure she will get back as often as possible. She is playing Volleyball there so they will go up pretty often to see her play as well.
 
my parents are constantly trying to get rid of me :disapointed:
 
My parents drove me to the Atlanta Airport and put me on a plane bound for Sydney, Australia. I didn't see them for almost 3 years. I don't know what you're going through but I am sure it's difficult. You're just going to have to trust and believe that the values you instilled in your daughter are solid and that she's comfortable in talking to you and your wife about whatever comes up while she's away. Again, I have no experience knowing what you're going through but I know that my stint away actually brought me closer to my parents in the end. Trust me, she'll be missing you guys too.
 
burmbuster said:
We have three kids. One daughter and two sons. Daughter is the oldest. She leaves for college next month and its just gut renching to me. I think my wife is coping better than I am. She has a good head on her shoulders but its a damn cruel world out there. Anyone else go through this? How did you cope?
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It is tough. When we took my daughter to Georgia Tech, about 90 minutes south, I was quiet the entire trip. My daughter wanted to know why I was so "grumpy", well it wasn't grumpy, it was sadness, uneasiness, pride, a feeling of loss, anticipation, just a lot of emotions. I knew the world was changing for us all and change is pretty hard some times. If I had said anything that tear in the corner of my eyes would have flowed. My wife handled it much better than I. It was a scary four years but she made many calls to me and we made several trips down to address whatever situation arose. The best call was one of the first, I was actually on a golf trip in South Georgia when the phone rang at 1:30 am. You can imagine the thoughts that ran through my head when I saw the ID. Well it was great. She had been overwhelmed in her classes, she was a star in high school but at Tech she was among stars from all over the world and had begun to doubt herself because of the academics. This Saturday morning phone call was when I knew she was going to make it, I heard it in her voice as she was bubbly and excited as she told me that she had made an A on a computer science test. I didn't hear the doubtful little girl anymore, I heard the confident young woman. She went on to be a dean's list student and graduate on time (big deal at Tech.) She is now a project engineer with her office here in Dalton and her area of responsibility is all the DCs of a major manufacturer from Kansas City to the Pacific. She has been working in Dallas all this week. She travels all over the country alone (I still get to worry) but she loves her job.

So it will be tough to see your Daughter go but it is a necessary part of growing for her to learn to become independent. Just be ready, she will still need you occasionally (and you will love it.)
 
I know what you are going through burmbuster. Moving my oldest daughters stuff out of the house was a really tough day for me emotianly. Pride that she was going out into the world with a good head on her shoulders and a positive out look oon life, heartbreak that my girl was moving out andi wouldn't get to see her daily, fear of her being vunerable to the world with her daddy there to protect her. Welll she has gone through her ups and downs, but we still have our daddy daughter time, and my joy and pride in how she has handled life has really replaced the heartache and fear. My toughest part was letting her make her own decisions and mistakes, but she has come through with flying colors.
You said your daughter has a good head on her shoulders so trust and rely on that and all you and your wife taught her and I bet she will amaze you both. Remember to take advantage of some daddy daughter time though.
 
It was kinda sad when the house was 1st empty(three daughters) but it was even more sad when one moved back with granddaughter!!
 
burmbuster said:
2 hrs drive. Not that far. Probably home every other weekend.
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Then all should be good. I was two hours away, as was my sister (at another school). If she's anything like we were, not only will you (and your wife) and your daughter get closer, so should she and her siblings.
 
It's tough, it will be a very emotional day and the first few days she's gone will be tough not knowing what she's doing and what time she gets home. You just have to trust that you raised them right...being just a few hours away makes it a little easier because if she needs you for something you can be there pretty quick plus shell come home every other weekend so mom can do her laundry :D

Good Luck!
 
burmbuster said:
We have three kids. One daughter and two sons. Daughter is the oldest. She leaves for college next month and its just gut renching to me. I think my wife is coping better than I am. She has a good head on her shoulders but its a damn cruel world out there. Anyone else go through this? How did you cope?
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My son leaves in a few weeks burm. He'll be 9 or so hours a way. I feel your pain.
 
Thanks to all of you who have chimed in. I really appreciate the kind words and enjoy reading your experiences. I'm sure I will worry for awhile but letting go is a part of our lives and their maturity. It would probably be easier if it was one of her brothers. My sales territory covers the college town she will be in so I plan on checking in on her and have lunch with her while I am in the area as well. Man, this is tough.
 
dhjkelly said:
my parents are constantly trying to get rid of me :disapointed:
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I came home one day and found out my parents had moved with no forwarding address.........
 
RicYork said:
I came home one day and found out my parents had moved with no forwarding address.........
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Hahaha! That's great. Ummm... unless, of course, you're not kidding... :smile-big:

My oldest went off to college a couple of years ago. Fairly tough at the beginning even though she was only a 40 minute drive away. Now, she has an unlimited transit pass and she could come home anytime (an hour bus ride), but we don't see her very much at all. We still talk, use Facebook, etc., but time has a way of making these kinds of separations easier.

It was kind of interesting that earlier this summer we sent off our son to Scout camp for a week and at the same time sent our other daughter off to dance camp so my wife and I got a preview of the empty nest. For a week, at least, it was pretty nice! However, ask me this question again when my last child moves out permanently...

At least I'll have more room for my clubs! :smile:
 
dannyka said:
Hahaha! That's great. Ummm... unless, of course, you're not kidding... :smile-big:

My oldest went off to college a couple of years ago. Fairly tough at the beginning even though she was only a 40 minute drive away. Now, she has an unlimited transit pass and she could come home anytime (an hour bus ride), but we don't see her very much at all. We still talk, use Facebook, etc., but time has a way of making these kinds of separations easier.

It was kind of interesting that earlier this summer we sent off our son to Scout camp for a week and at the same time sent our other daughter off to dance camp so my wife and I got a preview of the empty nest. For a week, at least, it was pretty nice! However, ask me this question again when my last child moves out permanently...

At least I'll have more room for my clubs! :smile:
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Empty nest? Permanently? Our youngest, 13 yrs old, has already forewarned us that he is never leaving. Lol. This is the same child that, at 5 yrs old, asked his mother if she would marry him when he grew up! Hahaha.
 
TC said:
My parents drove me to the Atlanta Airport and put me on a plane bound for Sydney, Australia. I didn't see them for almost 3 years. I don't know what you're going through but I am sure it's difficult. You're just going to have to trust and believe that the values you instilled in your daughter are solid and that she's comfortable in talking to you and your wife about whatever comes up while she's away. Again, I have no experience knowing what you're going through but I know that my stint away actually brought me closer to my parents in the end. Trust me, she'll be missing you guys too.
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+1 on TC's comment. You raised her right and I'm sure the values she takes with her will serve her well. As a mother of a 5 y.o. girl, I can't imagine her leaving! Luckily, I have many years to go. As a teenager who went to school thousands of miles away, I also can remember so clearly embarking on my college years. It's so exciting. And yes, the values I was raised with served me very well. Some things that might have helped my mom were care-packages. I got many, MANY care-packages and I loved them all. She would send me Asian cookies that I couldn't get in my small college town, some fruit in 3 day express (this must be the Asian mom side of her), ramen, and other comfort-foods. They were all appreciated and I shared them with dorm-mates. And there was never a note from my mom (English is not her first language). I always thought that was funny - but I knew that she sent her love in those packages to me.

Oh and do they really leave the nest? I'd argue NO! HA HA. After my husband and I moved back to S. cal, we actually lived with his parents for about 9 months while we looked for a house. We still see them and my folks every weekend. We're still their babies. We appreciate their help and they still stress about every little bump in the road for us, just as they did when we were growing up (maybe even worse now that they have grandchildren to fret about!). It's true that some kids move out and move away, but many also come back after college/grad school, esp in this economy. Our real estate agent (who is also a friend of the family) was just telling us that her grown daughter (who is in her mid-30s), just got a job transfer, is renting out the real estate agent's condo from her at a discount rate, and comes to eat with her parents every night for dinner. So although she's moving out, she'll still be your baby! :)
 
Just so this Thread so I'm a little late. They never truly leave. Th eldest lives 3 miles away and is here every day. The ones in the Military Call and visit too much :D. Then you blink my daughter is still over everyday. and middle Daughter is Over Seas Guess who has the Grand Kids AGAIN ,for 13 months yes me.... My advice enjoy the little freedom you can it is short Lived. Oh and Yes our 8 year old OOPS Twins have threaten often to never move out..... hehe
 
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