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Hardest thing you've over come??

Gaijin_golfer

that's pretty much what my girlfriend and I are going though now, her parents - especially her dad were mentally abusive and controlling, such that he would follow her and stalk here everywhere and they would try to control her and keep her from going to college because they were afraid she would have a mind of their own.

For the previous 20 years, her dad decided to leave his job for selfish reasons and have his family live in poverty in a trashed mobile home while he would drive around town talking with other people and treating strangers better than his own family-which he mentioned every day to his family by saying " these strangers I meet are more family to me than my family." and he always stayed away from any work or responsibility while the family of 5 starved and her mom labored day after day to pay the bills. On top of that he became a hoarder and had them living in a trashed mobile home filled to the rough with trash and all he would do was spend their money on useless crap like hundreds of flashlights and junk etc. Her family got used to living like this and thought it was normal. Her mom acted like a controlled and mentally abused wife and never did anything about it and basically they would control there kids and make them think that the outside world was evil and that their dream should be to live like them.

My girlfriend decided to go to college despite her parents wishes and before she was a timid pushover that would let everyone trample her because that's what she was taught all her life and even in college her dad would stalk her instead of getting a job. Finally she met me and my parents and realized what life is really supposed to be like so as eh started becoming more confident her parents became angrier and angrier and started causing me of controlling her and putting evil thoughts in her mind but in reality I was only showing her what life should be like.

Her dad hates me and treats me like crap and has gone as far as accusing me to the rest of his family that I am controlling and abusive to her and that he was scared for his daughter and caused so much crap for me all because his daughter realized that everything they taught her was wrong- luckily her whole rest of the family know me well and know that her dad was causing crap and was lying but it still was a painful time.

She is learning to stop letting her parents take control of her life and it has been tough especially when her dad tries to stalk her- I have gotten in some serious confrontations with him where I'm afraid he's going to Hurt one of us and all so he can can control his family and make himself feel better about himself. We are going to get married in the next year and it has been hard for us with her father causing so many problems- so many that I can't even begin to explain them here.

she's reached that point where she understands that her relationship with them is hurting her more than. Benefitting her and we don't know what to do, do we cut that relationship off or do we take the chance? He still rules her older sisters life even though she's married and has children so I'm afraid of what he may do


Autocorrecting and chutting with tapatalk
 
dadoffive said:
Talking is my therapy...

As a sophmore in High School, I started seeing blood everytime I had a bowel movement. Abnormal amounts. Afraid to tell anyone (this was 1982), I "hid" it for two years as best I could, I was a loner, parents were almost separated, about to divorce, I didn't have close friends. I wondered to myself if I was a genetic misfit as my condition flared up on almost monthly basis. I became anemic, my father who "you're only sick if you want to be sick... toughen up!" attitude didn't help (obviously). I found out in my senior year of high school I had ulcerative colitis. After 10 years of high dose steriod treatments I stopped responding to them, and ultimately needed a total colectomy. Age 27... I had an ileostomy. A bag. My "****** little friend".

My 1st wife, though we had 3 children (daughter and two sons) couldn't deal with it, I couldn't deal with her not loving me, we grew apart. 5 surgeries laters, and putting up with her multiple affairs we divorced.

In 2000, I found someone who loved me for me and we married in 2002 (we celebrated 10 years this month). I thought life was finally turning around for me. I finally accepted my condition and life with an appliance on my side. But the happiness was short lived. My Mom (who I was extremely close with) was dx with Stage 3 breast cancer. She died with me at her side in May 2005. While grieving over the loss of my Mom, I received a call from my ex... our first child, who was 18 at the time and at college, had passed away in her sleep at her house. Misdiagnosed as a viral illness at a podunk, midwest hospital near the college of Northwest Missouri State University, it turns out she had a Strep C infection, if only they would have done a blood culture. Claire was 18, and 1500 miles away and I could do nothing for my daughter. My ex who had since remarried, was in the process of having her 3rd child with her new hubby. Though Claire had been sick for a couple weeks before her death, My daughter had called her (they lived about an hour from the school), and requested to leave college as she didn't feel she was getting better. My ex went to the college to bring her to their home. Did she take her to the doctor or hospital knowing she was ill and having 104-105 degree temperatures? No, she let Claire "rest" on her couch while my ex cared for her new born (2 mos... her 3rd child with her new hubby). Claire passed away in her sleep that night, to be found by my two sons (her brothers, at the time were 16 and 13). As a father, to not be able to protect any of them from that pain, that level of suffering haunts me to this day. They call it complicated grief. It doesn't go away.

I share, not to pile on, or one up, but to keep my sanity. To me and others, in the moment, its the worst thing in your life, but in reality, it can always be worse. Not two weeks after putting my daughter to "rest", there was a local story of two teens, driving from their mother's house to their fathers house for dinner (parents were divorced)... They never made it. Not sure why the car left the road, some suspect they could have been avoiding a deer that time of night and year. Needless to say, a broken family, now working through the loss of their only two children.

I've battled acceptance, disease, numerous surgeries, complicated grief, depression, meaning of life... still do. My life (and I suspect for many of us, is a challenge). It's probably why I like golf so much, for to accept the challenge of "hacking that little white ball", you have to be 100% committed/engrossed in your swing, strategy, etc. For me, its the mental escape I need from my day to day challenges that life has brought me.
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Not much to say other than glad you're here dude.
 
I'm sorry to hear about all that has gone on/is going on in the lives of THPers right now. I hope this thread is serving it's therapeutic purpose.
 
dadoffive said:
Talking is my therapy...

As a sophmore in High School, I started seeing blood everytime I had a bowel movement. Abnormal amounts. Afraid to tell anyone (this was 1982), I "hid" it for two years as best I could, I was a loner, parents were almost separated, about to divorce, I didn't have close friends. I wondered to myself if I was a genetic misfit as my condition flared up on almost monthly basis. I became anemic, my father who "you're only sick if you want to be sick... toughen up!" attitude didn't help (obviously). I found out in my senior year of high school I had ulcerative colitis. After 10 years of high dose steriod treatments I stopped responding to them, and ultimately needed a total colectomy. Age 27... I had an ileostomy. A bag. My "****** little friend".

My 1st wife, though we had 3 children (daughter and two sons) couldn't deal with it, I couldn't deal with her not loving me, we grew apart. 5 surgeries laters, and putting up with her multiple affairs we divorced.

In 2000, I found someone who loved me for me and we married in 2002 (we celebrated 10 years this month). I thought life was finally turning around for me. I finally accepted my condition and life with an appliance on my side. But the happiness was short lived. My Mom (who I was extremely close with) was dx with Stage 3 breast cancer. She died with me at her side in May 2005. While grieving over the loss of my Mom, I received a call from my ex... our first child, who was 18 at the time and at college, had passed away in her sleep at her house. Misdiagnosed as a viral illness at a podunk, midwest hospital near the college of Northwest Missouri State University, it turns out she had a Strep C infection, if only they would have done a blood culture. Claire was 18, and 1500 miles away and I could do nothing for my daughter. My ex who had since remarried, was in the process of having her 3rd child with her new hubby. Though Claire had been sick for a couple weeks before her death, My daughter had called her (they lived about an hour from the school), and requested to leave college as she didn't feel she was getting better. My ex went to the college to bring her to their home. Did she take her to the doctor or hospital knowing she was ill and having 104-105 degree temperatures? No, she let Claire "rest" on her couch while my ex cared for her new born (2 mos... her 3rd child with her new hubby). Claire passed away in her sleep that night, to be found by my two sons (her brothers, at the time were 16 and 13). As a father, to not be able to protect any of them from that pain, that level of suffering haunts me to this day. They call it complicated grief. It doesn't go away.

I share, not to pile on, or one up, but to keep my sanity. To me and others, in the moment, its the worst thing in your life, but in reality, it can always be worse. Not two weeks after putting my daughter to "rest", there was a local story of two teens, driving from their mother's house to their fathers house for dinner (parents were divorced)... They never made it. Not sure why the car left the road, some suspect they could have been avoiding a deer that time of night and year. Needless to say, a broken family, now working through the loss of their only two children.

I've battled acceptance, disease, numerous surgeries, complicated grief, depression, meaning of life... still do. My life (and I suspect for many of us, is a challenge). It's probably why I like golf so much, for to accept the challenge of "hacking that little white ball", you have to be 100% committed/engrossed in your swing, strategy, etc. For me, its the mental escape I need from my day to day challenges that life has brought me.
Click to expand...

I'm truly speechless. I'm sorry for everything you've gone through. I'm glad the world still has a person like you in it though. I'm glad you're still here and can have a positive out look on life.
 
Good lord, you guys have some damned strong wills. Rather refreshing to see everyone sharing their battles here, it really puts the small stuff into perspective. I can't fathom it.
 
I have faired a little better in my struggles then others in this thread and I'm not saying that to brag. My point is that I was talking to Des (my wife) last night and I actually cherish the time that we have endured as a family. Things like this build character! Now would I be saying that if my situation turned out differently, probably not! But I have been blessed by God and he gave me and my wife a wonderful miracle! People say God only gives you what you can handle. While sometimes we think, does he really think I can handle all this? Little do we know we are getting through it. In our own way. There is no rule on how to handle these troubles, we do the best we can the best way we know how. To all the people who have posted in here, keep your heads held high no matter how bad it gets. You'll get through it. We are here to help and listen if you need it!
 
Well here is some good news.

I stormed in the house this morning and took her by suprise. The boys went bananas when they saw me.

So I demanded one good explanation from her. Asked her to tell me why all this was happening besides you hormones kicking in. She couldn't answer.

So everything is back to normal. Thank god. I missed the boys.

My advice to everyone. The female hormones are a force not to be reckoned with.
 
OUZO Power said:
Well here is some good news.

I stormed in the house this morning and took her by suprise. The boys went bananas when they saw me.

So I demanded one good explanation from her. Asked her to tell me why all this was happening besides you hormones kicking in. She couldn't answer.

So everything is back to normal. Thank god. I missed the boys.

My advice to everyone. The female hormones are a force not to be reckoned with.
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Dude that is great to hear, dont give up man if anything do it for the boys!


'Wingin' it with Tapatalk
 
OUZO Power said:
Well here is some good news.

I stormed in the house this morning and took her by suprise. The boys went bananas when they saw me.

So I demanded one good explanation from her. Asked her to tell me why all this was happening besides you hormones kicking in. She couldn't answer.

So everything is back to normal. Thank god. I missed the boys.

My advice to everyone. The female hormones are a force not to be reckoned with.
Click to expand...

That is great news............
 
Every time you look at your daughter, remember that she is a miracle in the flesh. I'm happy that it worked out for you!!!!

Gianna1025 said:
I have faired a little better in my struggles then others in this thread and I'm not saying that to brag. My point is that I was talking to Des (my wife) last night and I actually cherish the time that we have endured as a family. Things like this build character! Now would I be saying that if my situation turned out differently, probably not! But I have been blessed by God and he gave me and my wife a wonderful miracle! People say God only gives you what you can handle. While sometimes we think, does he really think I can handle all this? Little do we know we are getting through it. In our own way. There is no rule on how to handle these troubles, we do the best we can the best way we know how. To all the people who have posted in here, keep your heads held high no matter how bad it gets. You'll get through it. We are here to help and listen if you need it!
Click to expand...
 
Mr. Satchmo said:
Every time you look at your daughter, remember that she is a miracle in the flesh. I'm happy that it worked out for you!!!!
Click to expand...

Believe me dude, I do! I can't help but look at her and smile! Yesterday was her third birthday. At the time this was all going on I thought that she would never see one let alone three! She's my greatest accomplishment!
 
Gianna1025 said:
Believe me dude, I do! I can't help but look at her and smile! Yesterday was her third birthday. At the time this was all going on I thought that she would never see one let alone three! She's my greatest accomplishment!
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that's amazing man, I'm happy for you man!! Happy late birthday to Gianna!
 
It is incredible that so many people share their experiences with everybody, it must be tough for all you guys. I greatly admire all of you and hope that you can surpass any adversities life puts in your way with the same spirit you have faced these experiences. it is simply stunning what THP is doing, it is not only golf talk, it helps bring people together and helps them live better. Thank you guys.
 
OUZO Power said:
Well here is some good news.

I stormed in the house this morning and took her by suprise. The boys went bananas when they saw me.

So I demanded one good explanation from her. Asked her to tell me why all this was happening besides you hormones kicking in. She couldn't answer.

So everything is back to normal. Thank god. I missed the boys.

My advice to everyone. The female hormones are a force not to be reckoned with.
Click to expand...

Best thing I've read all day. Good for you!
 
Trying to hold on to the wet hand of someone who decided, right after they took the step, they didn't really want to jump.
Trying to do that as a scrawny 16 year old with someone who was twice my size.
Trying. And failing.
Won't forget that look in their eyes.

Haven't been much fun since that until this year really.
 
Spent my childhood very poor (food stamps and government cheese) with a divorced schizophrenic mom. Dad was around but only saw him once a week. Never knew what my mom was doing or where she was most of the time. Had some other daily close by, so I was lucky in that sense.

Nothing like what the OP had to deal with, best of luck to him and everyone on this forum.
 
Glad you pulled through, sometimes people stay in that situation and don't move on. My mom grew up so poor, poorer than dirt and sometimes they wouldn't have enough money to eat food for the week. My mom decided to take her chances and went to college as hard as it was for her since she had to raise her younger brother's and sisters. She finally got her PhD and made her own career and she got out of that situation. She now works at a university teaching and helping direct a program that helps minority students, underprivileged students and helping students get engaged in scientific degrees.

Best of luck to you GeekGolfer and your family too

TheGeekGolfer said:
Spent my childhood very poor (food stamps and government cheese) with a divorced schizophrenic mom. Dad was around but only saw him once a week. Never knew what my mom was doing or where she was most of the time. Had some other daily close by, so I was lucky in that sense.

Nothing like what the OP had to deal with, best of luck to him and everyone on this forum.
Click to expand...
 
TheGeekGolfer said:
Spent my childhood very poor (food stamps and government cheese) with a divorced schizophrenic mom. Dad was around but only saw him once a week. Never knew what my mom was doing or where she was most of the time. Had some other daily close by, so I was lucky in that sense.

Nothing like what the OP had to deal with, best of luck to him and everyone on this forum.
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Thanks Geek. I think we have all had our issues or obstacles that we've had to overcome. I'm glad this thread has taken the direction it has, it's exactly what I was looking for. Glad I could bring the forum together a little more to help each other get passed things just by chatting together.
 
i think everyone on this is so brave its so hard to get up and get on with your life when uve had such bad experiences. as some of u may know i am engaged to dhjkelly. the irish man from the morgan cup. he is quite possibly the most amazing thing to come into my life. i had a very bad abusive relationship in high school. david is so good to me. about 4 months after i met dave i ost my grandfather to a farm accident. besides my dad he was the most important man in my life he was taken so tragically from us. just as we were learning to cope with him being taken from us my grandmother passed away very suddenly 6 months later she just couldnt be without my pop.less than a year later we suffered another tragedy my uncle was found dead at the side of the road on the 17 december last year a week before christmas. he was from a very rural area and had fallen in the side of the road and died of exposure. though all of this dave has been there. really what im trying to say is that through all the tough times in your life i think that you are sent an angel to look after u. u just have to grab on to them and never let go
 
regc said:
i think everyone on this is so brave its so hard to get up and get on with your life when uve had such bad experiences. as some of u may know i am engaged to dhjkelly. the irish man from the morgan cup. he is quite possibly the most amazing thing to come into my life. i had a very bad abusive relationship in high school. david is so good to me. about 4 months after i met dave i ost my grandfather to a farm accident. besides my dad he was the most important man in my life he was taken so tragically from us. just as we were learning to cope with him being taken from us my grandmother passed away very suddenly 6 months later she just couldnt be without my pop.less than a year later we suffered another tragedy my uncle was found dead at the side of the road on the 17 december last year a week before christmas. he was from a very rural area and had fallen in the side of the road and died of exposure. though all of this dave has been there. really what im trying to say is that through all the tough times in your life i think that you are sent an angel to look after u. u just have to grab on to them and never let go
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I completely agree. I have my angel too. We've been together about 3.5 years now and she's the best person I've ever met.
 
Six4three5 said:
I completely agree. I have my angel too. We've been together about 3.5 years now and she's the best person I've ever met.
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i think the best thing is when u find them and as i realised this year at the morgan cup that i am gonna marry him. happiest day ever
 
For me it was the Colon cancer that almost killed me in 2005.
I had just married the most wonderful woman on the planet the year before.
Then out of nowhere I am diagnosed with a hereditary type of colon cancer that was caught just in time.
In another couple of months, I would not have survived it.
The chemo treatments after surgery were the worst. They caused severe depression, along with the nausea, body aches etc...
The thought of dying and leaving my incredible wife compounded the depression. But with her help and getting off the chemo, the depression subsided and all is well in my world as far as I am concerned.
The cancer....well, for me it isn't a matter of if it comes back, but more of when it comes back. Like I said, it is a hereditary type and the likelyhood of it showing up again is very high. So... I get a colonoscopy every December to look for the first signs.
I call it my own little Christmas present to myself.

We alll go through tough times in our lives. Having a place like here to vent is really fantastic.
THP and the people that frequent here are very special and not to be taken for granted.
 
I'm glad you pulled through and survived cancer drumdog, live your life to the fullest man you deserve it!


'Wingin' it with Tapatalk
 
I guess what Nietzsche said was correct "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

Lots of strong folks in this thread
 
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