1st guess:

was Clare driving?

Yes, and that's your Beamer.

(She's gonna get you for spelling her name wrong!)

I'm gonna guess it's Shia LeBeouf's new movie - Indiana Jones, Temple of Transformers.
 
1st guess:

was Clare driving?

Ya know Mike, it's irrelevant that I don't know where you live. There's someone on this board who does.

It looks like nothing so much as a giant coconut.
 
bigball2.jpg
 
What I want is an explanation of the physics that caused both the trunk to open and the wrecking ball to roll up into the trunk.
 
What I want is an explanation of the physics that caused both the trunk to open and the wrecking ball to roll up into the trunk.

The trunk opening would be easy if you can figure out the roll up--it popped the opening mechanism. If it was a downhill roll, it must have hit something toward the bottom, causing the bounce up.
 
I was cleaning out some very old files over the weekend and found this. It was a lot funnier 15 years ago, but I figured Mike (in particular) needed the reminder:

HOUSE RULES
The Female Always Makes The Rules

The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

No male can possibly know all the rules.

If the female suspects the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.

The Female is Never Wrong

If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding that was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.

If the above rule applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

The female can change her mind at any given point in time. The male must never change his mind without express written consent from the female.

The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.

The female must under no circumstances let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

An attempt to document the rules could result in bodily harm.

If the Female has PMS, all Rules are Null and Void.
 
and we all know why they call it PMS. mad cow disease was already taken.
 
Golf Cheat

Golf Cheat

Sitting at a table in the clubhouse after a game, Harry Longshanks said to Grogger, "I'm not about to play golf with North Van Mike anymore. He cheats."

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, he found his lost ball two feet from the green."

"That's possible."

"Not when I had it in my pocket!"
 
Student arrested for 'passing gas' at Fla. school

STUART, Fla. (AP) -- A student at a Florida school has been arrested after authorities said he was "passing gas" and turning off his classmates' computers. According to a report released Friday by the Martin County Sheriff's Office, the 13-year-old boy "continually disrupted his classroom environment" by intentionally breaking wind. He then shut off some computers other students were using.

The Spectrum Junior-Senior High School was arrested Nov. 4.

A school resource officer placed the boy under arrest after he confessed about his behavior, according to the report. He was charged with disruption of school function and released to his mother.
.......
 
Top Ten Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than Sex!

#10... A below par performance is considered damn good.

#9... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.

#8.. It's much easier to find the sweet spot.

#7... Foursomes are encouraged.

#6... You can still make money doing it as a senior..

#5... Three times a day is possible.

#4... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.

#3... If you live in Florida, you can do it almost every day.

#2... You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished

The NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#1... When your equipment gets old you can replace it!
 
Thirty seconds was enough--truly disturbed. By which I'm referring to the person who posted it.
 
Zoo solves mystery of celibate polar bears

Zoo solves mystery of celibate polar bears

This is funny. But maybe not "ha-ha" funny.


Zoo solves mystery of celibate polar bears

art.polarbear.cnn.jpg


TOKYO, Japan (CNN) -- Puzzled zookeepers in northern Japan have discovered the reason why their attempts to mate two polar bears kept failing: Both are female.

The municipal zoo in the city of Kushiro in Hokkaido brought in a polar bear cub three years ago. They named it Tsuyoshi, after the popular baseball outfielder Tsuyoshi Shinjo, and waited until it reached reproductive age.

In June, the zoo introduced Tsuyoshi to its resident bear, an 11-year-old female named Kurumi, and waited for sparks to fly.

But much to the disappointment of zookeepers, Tsuyoshi never made any amorous advances toward Kurumi.

Earlier this month, zookeepers put Tsuyoshi under anesthesia to get to the bottom of the matter. That's when they made their discovery: Tsuyoshi is a female.

Still, the Kushiro zoo plans to keep Tsuyoshi because he -- or rather, she -- has become immensely popular with visitors.

"I have rather mixed feelings, given the need for breeding, but Tsuyoshi is an idol for Kushiro," Yoshio Yamaguchi, head of the Kushiro zoo, told Japan's Kyodo news agency.

Tsuyoshi will even keep her name.

"We will not be changing it to 'Tsuyoko' since it is loved by citizens (by the current name)," Yamaguchi said.

"Ko" is a common suffix for a Japanese female name.

Meanwhile, Tsuyoshi's "brother," who was adopted by another zoo, has also turned out to be female, Kyodo reported.
 
I may be the only person around here who still reads a newspaper on paper, but this was cute. I think I'm numbers 1-3. In ink on the last:

Demographics of American Newspapers
  1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.​
  2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.​
  3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.​
  4. USA Today is ready by people who think they ought to run the country, but who don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.​
  5. The Los Angeles Times is ready by liberals who wouldn't mind running the country if they could find the time and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.​
  6. The Boston Globe is ready by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.​
  7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.​
  8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.​
  9. The Miami Herald is ready by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.​
  10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country or that anyone is running it, but if someone is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped, minority, feminist, or atheists, provided of course that they are not Republicans.​
  11. The St. Petersburg Times is read by people who have recently caught a fish anad need something in which to wrap it.​
 
LOL, we read the Journal...I promise we're as broke and living in a three room apartment where the furniture doesn't even match.
 
Quality Law Enforcement You Gots There in the Garden State Claire

Quality Law Enforcement You Gots There in the Garden State Claire

.......

Full-size cardboard figure causes NJ bank standoff

MONTGOMERY TOWNSHIP, N.J. (AP) -- A standoff at a New Jersey bank is over after police learned a "person" seen inside was actually a full-size cardboard figure.

Officers went to the PNC Bank in Montgomery Township on Thursday night after an alarm went off. They saw what they thought was at least one person through the windows of the bank, which had its blinds drawn.

The area was sealed off and three nearby apartment buildings were evacuated as a precaution. Meanwhile, authorities used bullhorns and made telephone calls in a bid to make contact with whoever might be in the bank.

After repeatedly failing to get a response, a SWAT team entered the building and discovered the cardboard figure.

It was not immediately clear what set off the bank alarm
 
wait, what?

wait, what?

62183709624_10.jpg
 
Crappiest Christmas Ornaments Ever.

Crappiest Christmas Ornaments Ever.

.
.
.
....

Ill. zoo creates ornaments from reindeer droppings

BLOOMINGTON, Ill. (AP) -- The Christmas ornaments for sale at the Miller Park Zoo's gift shop are partly manufactured by reindeer. Honest!

Staffers make decorations out of droppings from the zoo's two reindeer, Ealu and Rika. The droppings are dried, then clear-coated and either painted or rolled in glitter.

Zoo marketing director Susie Ohley has named the products "magical reindeer gem ornaments," and each comes with a label of authenticity. They cost $5 at the zoo gift shop.

Staffer Katie Buydos, who makes jewelry as a hobby, donated wire and beads, saying, "Susie asked me to bring some creativity to the table."

Some folks are surprised at the size of the "gems," which are only about as big as marbles. "Reindeer are so big," zoo maintenance worker Sheldon Williams said. But the droppings are "just a big pile of small."
 
Okay, this is more "aww, isn't that sweet?" than it is a chuckle, but if I put about a thread about what the kids say, I might end up talking to myself. Again.

This year, I'm homeschooling both kids for CCD, and the third grade curriculum is focusing on Social Justice Lite. Specifically, this week was all about sharing your gifts with others.

Boo Girl looked at me, dead serious, and asked, "But my gift is golf--how can I share that?" I just love that absolute self-confidence. Anyway, I told her about Lorena's Ochoa's foundation and how she's helping poor children in Mexico. Boo thought that was a pretty good idea and wants to do something similar. Just wait, world!
 
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