Murphy's Laws of Golf by Henry Beard

The grain of the green always runs towards the setting sun, except when it doesn't.

After the first putt sinks, the hole shrinks.

The trouble with the putting grip is that one hand is not enough and two hands are way too many.

You can three-putt without plumb-bobbing the break, but why take the chance?

Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

Even if it's longer than the fourth one was, the fifth putt is always good.

Always concede a putt if the ball cannot be marked without the coin falling into the cup.

If you can't outrun a golf club, don't give advice.

No one blows his nose at the end of your follow-through.

No one has a coughing fit as you walk off the tee.

No one rattles the ballwasher while you're tying your shoes.
 
No golfer ever played too fast. No group ever played too quietly. No golfer ever dressed too plainly.

Never take lessons from your father. Never teach golf to your wife. Never play your son for money.

Everyone replaces the divot after a great shot. Everyone rakes the bunker after a beautiful out.

Everyone repairs the ball mark after a fabulous putt. Everyone picks up the tab when they're playing alone.

Never steal a lost ball until it stops rolling.

Always replace divots in the fairway and rake footprints in the sand traps even if you have to move your ball to do so.

When another foursome is on the green ahead, "Fore!" is not an excuse, "So What?" is not an apology, and "Up yours" is not an explanation.

Remember, it only takes a moment to pickup a wedge left on the green by a group of slow players in front of you and windmill it into a pond.
 
No matter how early your tee time, there will always be a foursome in the middle of the first fairway.

If you ever par the first three holes, you'll have a twenty-minute wait on the next tee.

The only really useful golf tip is one given to the starter to get you out ahead of a mixed foursome.

Slow players are early risers. Play is always faster on the other nine.

The course marshal is a retired mortician with cataracts and the shakes.

If the course is completely empty when you drive up, it's because an outing of 100 golfers is about to tee off in a shotgun start or they're aerating the greens.

If you aren't paired with the two loud-mouthed ********* you saw unloading their clubs in the parking lot, it's because the couple from hell is waiting for you on the first tee.

The greatest mystery in golf is how come players who can hit 100 balls on the range in ten minutes flat cannot make 94 strokes out on the course in anything under five hours.

Even if she lies 22, never in the entire history of golf has a lady player ever picked up her ball.

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That's it folks, thanks for reading along!
 
I really enjoyed them all. Thanks for throwing them out for us.
 
That was fun! Thanks a bunch!
 
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