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The dad joke thread

How do you cook alligator?


In a crock pot.
 
What did the drummer in a rock band name his twin daughters? Anna One Anna Two
 
J.B. Cobb III said:
What did the drummer in a rock band name his twin daughters? Anna One Anna Two
Click to expand...

True story:

When out kids were teens, we got a puppy. He was a challenge to train, excretion-wise. One evening he stood by the door and whimpered, so I grabbed my coat and took him out. Five minutes later, wife and kids are at the door as we come back inside.

“Did he do anything?”

“Yeah, he did a Lawrence Welk.”

“A what?”

“A Lawrence Welk. A one anna two.”
 
Amal and Juan are identical twins..
Their mom only carries one photo..
Because if you've see Juan..
You've seen Amal!
 
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A man with a stutter died in prison...

....Before he could finish his sentence

-------------------
My wife just told me I'm the cheapest man ever

I am not buying it
 
Why did the elephants get kicked out of the pool?

They kept dropping their trunks.
 
I have CDO. It's just like OCD, but all the letters are in alphabetical order. As they should be.
 
To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket....”You can hide! But, you cant run!”
 
Did you hear that Nasa has launched several cows into orbit?

It was the herd shot around the world.
 
The definition of "something":

When you can put both hands around your "putter" ? and there is some space left....now that is "something"
 
Two guys walked into a bar, the third one ducked.
 
Bono and The Edge walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Not U2 again!!”
 
What kind of doctor is Dr. Pepper? He's a Fizz-ition!
 
Did you know the Pentagon was originally supposed to be an octagon?

It's true, but the contractor kept cutting corners.
 
This is a Grandpan joke. My cousin, and I were practicing. His 10 year old Grandaughter was with us. He was letting her use one of his Scotty Cameron putters to putt with. Out of the blue she came up with this::

"You know something Grandpa. For a $300 putter, this thing doesn't make very many putts".
 
What did the girl mushroom say to the boy mushroom after their date...

you’re a fun guy!
 
Another Golf Joke....
Doctor decides to go golfing, books a tee time, and puts everything in the car.
Car won't start.
Doctor see a bus coming down the street.
He thinks he might make his tee time if he hops on the Bus.
He grabs his clubs and stuffs as many golf balls as he can into his pants pockets.
While he's riding on the bus, a woman sits beside him.
She's eyeing his pants and asks "what's that?"
He says "Golf Balls."
Oh, she replies, "is that like tennis elbow?"
 
Wife - 'You forgot to get the evaporated milk I put on the grocery list'
Me - looking through the bags.....'I definitely got it'

Wife - 'Don't you dare!'
Me - 'It must have evaporated'
 
How does a squid go into battle?

Well armed!!
 
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