The dad joke thread

Did someone say blonde?

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday night?

Tell her a joke on Wednesday morning.
 
A friend of mine just kept annoying me today with bird puns! Well, toucan play that game!
 
Ok, well you know where the Big Apple is, what about where the Minneapolis?
 
A elephant mates for life and would never cheat on their mate, but a Tiger Would!!!
 
Earlier this evening, my wife was sitting on the sofa when I got home from work. I sat down next to her, took her hands, looked longingly into her deep blue eys and said, “Je t’adore.”

She said, “Shut it yourself!”
 
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?

Frostbite!!! :oops:
 
From our EHS manager's daily email:

"I was at a reception and the MC asked me to say a word. So I got up and said, 'Plethora,' and sat down.

The MC said, 'Thanks. That means a lot.'"
 
What do you do if attacked by a clan of clowns?

Go for the juggler.
 
Boss asked me if I can perform under pressure?! I said no, but I can try Bohemian Rhapsody!
 
What kind of dogs guard a vampire's castle?

A Bloodhound. :laughing: :rolleyes:
 
Now that we have everyone washing their hands correctly...

Next week: turn signals
 
My pet mouse, Elvis, died last night.

He was caught in a trap.
 
My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking.

And then I saw her face...
 
Here’s one for @tomcat... What sound does a 747 make when it bounces? BOEING, BOEING, BOEING
 
My son told me this one, @LLIB this one you could use, :ROFLMAO:

Why is B the coldest letter in the alphabet......

Because it's always surrounded by AC
 
When I was a kid, my parents always used to say, "Excuse my French," after they said a swear word.

I'll never forget that day in school when the teacher asked whether any of us knew any French.
 
My Grandma called her doctor and said, "You said I would have to be on this new prescription for the rest of my life. Is that right?"

The doctor said, "Yes, that's correct."

"Just how serious is my condition? I'm looking at the prescription bottle right now and it says, NO REFILLS."
 
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm!
 
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