darthweasel
Well-known member
Ah, I try to be good. The wife was about to head out of town for 2-3 weeks to take care of her mom after surgery so I canceled my early tee time, reset for 10:09, none of my normal partners were available. Sure enough, Emily calls and wants to have breakfast, since I shifted my tee time we could. Score one in the "good husband" category, putting her above me, knowing I just changed from a 3 hour round to 4. Oh, then Dave calls, he can play but the other three slots are filled in my time frame so we reset to 11:48. Well, as Pam would say, holy smurf-snacks. Time to start mentally preparing for the 4-1/2 hour round.
So we get to the course, a 3-some doesn't show up so we get matched with a traveling random, nice guy from Arizona, and off we go. I am not playing my best, but do manage to par hole 3 when I torch a 9i over some trees to back edge of the green on my second shot. Unfortunately my first shot, a 7i just to keep it in play, had drifted over to the right. That allowed me to note A) nobody was on the 7th tee box, a %^&* of a Par 5. Nor is anybody on the entire 6th hole, a par 3 with water three sides. There is a group coming down 5 and I think, "that is odd, at least a hole and a half empty?"
Folks, if you encounter this...be wise. Skip holes 4 and 5. Because this course is (allegedly) the most played course in the Portland area, it is called Red Tail but many locals call it Red Snail. My spider-senses should have been tingling. We traipse on over to the 4th teebox where we are waiting on a twosome on the teebox who are waiting on a foursome at the crest of the hill who presumably are waiting on people on the green which we cannot see from where we are. Lets do some quick math; 1 group on the green, one on the fairway, one on the box, us, and while I am totting these numbers up another group pulls up behind us. 5 groups on hole 4.
At this point a dim bulb brightens and I look over to my right where I can see the 5th green and the 6th teebox. There is a 4-some, two ladies and two dudes, on the green, nobody on the teebox. I start to suggest we head to the teebox, then, apparently having neglected to insert my brain, think, "oh, this group has probably been waiting on people and would not appreciate that."
So we spend a torturous amount of time crossing holes four and 5. I get glimpses from time to time. It is miserable, we are on pace for 2:30 or more on the front. If you think back, I could have played 18 in 3 had I taken my early tee time before the glaciers reached the course. I have plenty of time to get my Mountain Dew from the cart girl, I don't know here name but she packs them just for me because she knows I will snag one, tip well, and not harass her twice a round. It is a running joke because the first time I ran into her she had none and I used my "you are dead to me" line. So now it is "I am dead to you" if she does not happen to have one and "I live!" when she has one. We talked about why she was driving a standard cart...two different cart girls have crashed two serving carts, including one new one, in the last two weeks. How the bloody blue smurf does that happen? I ask if she is super busy, she says, "the back is about half empty, but there are a lot of people on the front."
I start doing the math. That foursome is a one-group road block. So as we sit on the 8th tee box, marshal comes by. I know him by face, not name, usually very pleasant fellow. Today he is a bit...crisp. "Things loosen up after nine" he says, basically rolling by, not stopping.
He is right. They do. Nobody on ten, we play it...by our second shot we are behind a twosome. We are a threesome waiting every shot on a twosome in a cart. Two of us in the threesome are waiting. Our visitor gives up on 15, leaves for home to make dinner.
We follow this twosome around. They are...is there a polite word I can use here? Just assume I am insulting their intelligence. Because I am. They will be right by their ball at the 150 marker. One will hit. They drive backwards to 170. Other guy hits. Then forward. You get ready to tee off as they are near the green. You do so. They drive backwards to the 150 marker. What?
Anyhow, new marshal, just coming on shift, drives up to us on the 18th teebox. We complain about the group ahead of us, he says, "they are on pace for 4:05."
Now, mind you, I am usually okay with a 4:05 round. But run it back...we had a 2-1/2 hour round on the front. We have been breathing down these guys neck with open holes ahead of them for the last 7 holes. The back has been fast from a timing standpoint but because of waiting on every shot and residue from the front, we are not really wanting to hear these slow-pokes (as it feels because of all the wait...wait...wait...wait...) are on time for the course.
Since we have time, we ask him why so slow on the front. He tells us the story.
TLR starts here
The normally pleasant marshal had attempted to do his job, asking the foursome to pick up their pace as they were holding up everyone behind them. The "lady", and I use the term loosely, one of a pair of 30-somethings, was teaching her friend. On the course. And she informed the marshal, "I am younger than you, better looking than you, a better player than you so f*** off. Just go f*** yourself."
And proceeded to ignore him.
For reasons that elude me she was not instantly thrown off the course.
Don't be that..."lady". No, that term is insulting to most people. Don't be that person. Don't be the d-bag dudes standing by letting it happen. The person being taught likely has no clue just how bad their behavior was. But holy smokes...what in the world makes people think that way?
So we get to the course, a 3-some doesn't show up so we get matched with a traveling random, nice guy from Arizona, and off we go. I am not playing my best, but do manage to par hole 3 when I torch a 9i over some trees to back edge of the green on my second shot. Unfortunately my first shot, a 7i just to keep it in play, had drifted over to the right. That allowed me to note A) nobody was on the 7th tee box, a %^&* of a Par 5. Nor is anybody on the entire 6th hole, a par 3 with water three sides. There is a group coming down 5 and I think, "that is odd, at least a hole and a half empty?"
Folks, if you encounter this...be wise. Skip holes 4 and 5. Because this course is (allegedly) the most played course in the Portland area, it is called Red Tail but many locals call it Red Snail. My spider-senses should have been tingling. We traipse on over to the 4th teebox where we are waiting on a twosome on the teebox who are waiting on a foursome at the crest of the hill who presumably are waiting on people on the green which we cannot see from where we are. Lets do some quick math; 1 group on the green, one on the fairway, one on the box, us, and while I am totting these numbers up another group pulls up behind us. 5 groups on hole 4.
At this point a dim bulb brightens and I look over to my right where I can see the 5th green and the 6th teebox. There is a 4-some, two ladies and two dudes, on the green, nobody on the teebox. I start to suggest we head to the teebox, then, apparently having neglected to insert my brain, think, "oh, this group has probably been waiting on people and would not appreciate that."
So we spend a torturous amount of time crossing holes four and 5. I get glimpses from time to time. It is miserable, we are on pace for 2:30 or more on the front. If you think back, I could have played 18 in 3 had I taken my early tee time before the glaciers reached the course. I have plenty of time to get my Mountain Dew from the cart girl, I don't know here name but she packs them just for me because she knows I will snag one, tip well, and not harass her twice a round. It is a running joke because the first time I ran into her she had none and I used my "you are dead to me" line. So now it is "I am dead to you" if she does not happen to have one and "I live!" when she has one. We talked about why she was driving a standard cart...two different cart girls have crashed two serving carts, including one new one, in the last two weeks. How the bloody blue smurf does that happen? I ask if she is super busy, she says, "the back is about half empty, but there are a lot of people on the front."
I start doing the math. That foursome is a one-group road block. So as we sit on the 8th tee box, marshal comes by. I know him by face, not name, usually very pleasant fellow. Today he is a bit...crisp. "Things loosen up after nine" he says, basically rolling by, not stopping.
He is right. They do. Nobody on ten, we play it...by our second shot we are behind a twosome. We are a threesome waiting every shot on a twosome in a cart. Two of us in the threesome are waiting. Our visitor gives up on 15, leaves for home to make dinner.
We follow this twosome around. They are...is there a polite word I can use here? Just assume I am insulting their intelligence. Because I am. They will be right by their ball at the 150 marker. One will hit. They drive backwards to 170. Other guy hits. Then forward. You get ready to tee off as they are near the green. You do so. They drive backwards to the 150 marker. What?
Anyhow, new marshal, just coming on shift, drives up to us on the 18th teebox. We complain about the group ahead of us, he says, "they are on pace for 4:05."
Now, mind you, I am usually okay with a 4:05 round. But run it back...we had a 2-1/2 hour round on the front. We have been breathing down these guys neck with open holes ahead of them for the last 7 holes. The back has been fast from a timing standpoint but because of waiting on every shot and residue from the front, we are not really wanting to hear these slow-pokes (as it feels because of all the wait...wait...wait...wait...) are on time for the course.
Since we have time, we ask him why so slow on the front. He tells us the story.
TLR starts here
The normally pleasant marshal had attempted to do his job, asking the foursome to pick up their pace as they were holding up everyone behind them. The "lady", and I use the term loosely, one of a pair of 30-somethings, was teaching her friend. On the course. And she informed the marshal, "I am younger than you, better looking than you, a better player than you so f*** off. Just go f*** yourself."
And proceeded to ignore him.
For reasons that elude me she was not instantly thrown off the course.
Don't be that..."lady". No, that term is insulting to most people. Don't be that person. Don't be the d-bag dudes standing by letting it happen. The person being taught likely has no clue just how bad their behavior was. But holy smokes...what in the world makes people think that way?