Golf or Marraige?

[One-T]

Well said. +5

only 5? see Tina...thats why I would give you up!

there are 16 members viewing this thread....and 1 guest. I hope its not his wife!

 

[biggsy]

fwiw, it's really not anonymity, the admins can easily trace this post back to your original screen name.

Hawk said it well, it's about compromise. You have some tough questions to answer as to what is really more important to you. I wish you luck in finding your answer.

 

[ddxu]

but there are millions of women out there.

But how many of the millions would be willing to put up with him? How long until someone makes a Tiger reference? I know some of us considered it....

 

[the boss]

For what its worth, I would give up the game in a second for my wife.
Marriage to me is about being with my best friend every day.
I gave up golf a while back for my career at the time and would do so again in a minute if that choice was presented to me.

If the choice is golf or marriage and someone is even thinking about the options, then there are more issues at stake than just the game of golf. They are just being cloaked by an easy target.

i agree with JB here ive stopped hitting the range as much and have started playing 1-2 in 2 weeks because she said i love golf more just once. my wife and kids are my world and i everything do is for them except play golf. im lucky in the fact my 3 yr old has taken a shine to golf as it gives me my ticket to play with her and my wife encourages it. but if it was a flat out choice family first everytime.
for what its worth i think you need to talk to her and come to a compromise.

 

[blugold]

I am also going to say, there is nothing wrong with choosing not to be with your wife anymore.

 

[johndeere10]

I'd give up golf or just playing less. I enjoy the chance of getting lucky at home more than I would on the course. :wink:

 

[SethO]

I have a response to this, but I am only 28 and have never been married, so I will not say much as I have very little empirical experience. To my mind, however inexperienced it is, golf could never give you comfort like a good wife could. It is not something that gets better with age as your body has a shelf life and true love ages like the finest of wines. Golf can't give you sex even though bad lies can **** a round. You can yell at golf, but it never yells back. Golf only takes away and never truly gives back. Why dedicate a life to an idea of fleeting glory and to a sport that does not love you even though you love it.

These are my inexperienced ideas. They may be idealistic, but if a wife ever told me that I loved golf more than her, I think I would have to take a major look at my life.

 

[One-T]

I'd give up golf or just playing less. I enjoy the chance of getting lucky at home more than I would on the course. :wink:

I can have both, just not last night.

 

[blugold]

"Zimmy" - I will say it again, if you love your handicap more than your wife, then you need to get out of your marriage. Because you are lying to yourself and everybody you love if you don't.

 

[JR]

only 5? see Tina...thats why I would give you up!

there are 16 members viewing this thread....and 1 guest. I hope its not his wife!

The guest was me, lol.

Sounds like you have your answer already, and you just want ratification from a bunch of people to make yourself feel better to me. Do what you must.

 

[Smallville]

Very good post from a young and inexperienced Seth.

I would drop golf in a heartbeat if I had to make the choice between my wife and golf. Fortunately for me, my wife loves the game too and we play together all the time.

 

[mikedean441]

Dont get me wrong, i love golf as much as the next guy.
Could I envision a life of not being able to golf...sure, I havent been playing forever, the game for many comes and goes.
Could I envision a life without my wife and kids....nope, Id give everything I had for them, plain and simple

 

[liquidrage]

If golf is more important to you than your marriage, then fine. It's your life and you are free to live it any way you want.

Now, when you tell you kids that their mom nad dad are getting a divorce, are you going to be able to tell them the truth why? Will you be able to tell your friends, family, and importantly your kids, that you love golf more than you love your wife and that is why you are getting divorced.

If you can tell people that your handicap means more to you than she does, then you need the divorce.

It might be more complicated then that. I've been married for 13 years and the last few we've gone on and off a few times about separating.

The best way I can explain it is... The "fire" in a relationship doesn't last forever for most couples. After a while you settle into a routine. If both couples are happy doing their own thing "X" amount of time and a together thing "Y" amount of time, it might not be the greatest relationship but it works. Especially because in most cases in the "routine" there's a lot more "X" time then "Y" time.

The problem is when one wants to have a "fire" again, or wants more "Y" time.

You can having a relationship that works, especially after many years that isn't the passion/love fest that other relationships have. But lets be honest in my case I've been married 13 years, and the OP's well over 20. Most people never even make it that far these days. And in the days when they did, when divorce was very taboo, a great deal of the relationships sucked. My great-grandmother didn't even live with her husband the last 20 years of their marriage. But divorce was not an option for them.

And another thing to mention is that while some might have great passionate relationships where they share everything with their spouse, but not everyone even wants that. Some really want a lot of their own time and find partners that want the same. He's made it over 20 years and I bet most people giving advice haven't made it that long (not all, I'm not absolutes).

 

[blugold]

It might be more complicated then that. I've been married for 13 years and the last few we've gone on and off a few times about separating.

The best way I can explain it is... The "fire" in a relationship doesn't last forever for most couples. After a while you settle into a routine. If both couples are happy doing their own thing "X" amount of time and a together thing "Y" amount of time, it might not be the greatest relationship but it works. Especially because in most cases in the "routine" there's a lot more "X" time then "Y" time.

The problem is when one wants to have a "fire" again, or wants more "Y" time.

You can having a relationship that works, especially after many years that isn't the passion/love fest that other relationships have. But lets be honest in my case I've been married 13 years, and the OP's well over 20. Most people never even make it that far these days. And in the days when they did, when divorce was very taboo, a great deal of the relationships sucked. My great-grandmother didn't even live with her husband the last 20 years of their marriage. But divorce was not an option for them.

And another thing to mention is that while some might have great passionate relationships where they share everything with their spouse, but not everyone even wants that. Some really want a lot of their own time and find partners that want the same. He's made it over 20 years and I bet most people giving advice haven't made it that long (not all, I'm not absolutes).

My parents divorced when I was six. My dad moved 2 hours away. I saw him one weekend a month, if I was lucky, for 12 years. I understanding completely what divorce is.

If the OP can look his kids in the eyes and say, "I love my .3 handicap more than your mom." Than he needs to get a divorce. End of story.

 

[StLCardsFan]

If you are asking the question, you have already made up your mind. You just want confirmation and support for choosing golf over your wife.

From my perspective, your compromise of 'only' playing 2-3 times a week would be a joy for me. Between time, family, and money, I am lucky to play once a month. I would love to play 2-3 times a month, much less a week. Consider yourself lucky to get to play as much as you do. If you are going to resent her since you can 'only' play 2-3 times a week then just leave. If you love your wife, then compromise.

Your game won't suffer as much as you think. I play once a month and can still break 80 just about every time. If you are that good it's not like you will lose your way.

If you do split up, can you take a video when you tell your kids why? "Mom and Dad are splitting up so I can play guilt free golf anytime I want." I would love to see that. Think about that sentence and how selfish that sounds.

 

[liquidrage]

My parents divorced when I was six. My dad moved 2 hours away. I saw him one weekend a month, if I was lucky, for 12 years. I understanding completely what divorce is.

If the OP can look his kids in the eyes and say, "I love my .3 handicap more than your mom." Than he needs to get a divorce. End of story.

If it's just golf then that's the exact question he needs to ask. But if it's just that they have a relationship that has been a routine for a while and something else will take golf's place because the relationship isn't on fire like it once was, then it's a different issue. And the question isn't do I love golf more then mommy, its are me and mommy capable of spending more time together and we both be happy about it. Because otherwise, even if he quits golf, something else would just take up that time.

 

[blugold]

If you do split up, can you take a video when you tell your kids why? "Mom and Dad are splitting up so I can play guilt free golf anytime I want." I would love to see that. Think about that sentence and how selfish that sounds.

Yup. That about sums it up.

 

[Smallville]

I agree with so many that if you feel the need to create such a thread, then you already know what you want to do. Sounds like you have already checked out anyway.

 

[ddxu]

If the OP can look his kids in the eyes and say, "I love my .3 handicap more than your mom." Than he needs to get a divorce. End of story.

boom goes the dynamite; Dr Phil needs to hire BluGold, he would get that 60 min show down to a 30 second webisode

 

[SethO]

Very good post from a young and inexperienced Seth.

I would drop golf in a heartbeat if I had to make the choice between my wife and golf. Fortunately for me, my wife loves the game too and we play together all the time.

Thanks Smalls.

 

[blugold]

If it's just golf then that's the exact question he needs to ask. But if it's just that they have a relationship that has been a routine for a while and something else will take golf's place because the relationship isn't on fire like it once was, then it's a different issue. And the question isn't do I love golf more then mommy, its are me and mommy capable of spending more time together and we both be happy about it. Because otherwise, even if he quits golf, something else would just take up that time.

I agree with what your saying, But if golf is the "excuse", then the OP better admit it. If he wants to live his life, in the eyes of his family and friends, as the guy who chose golf over his wife then he has to admit it.

 

[KellyBo]

Wow, I don't even know what to say. My husband is a golf addict but I've never questioned his love for me even when I didn't play much and he played almost every day.

 

[blugold]

boom goes the dynamite; Dr Phil needs to hire BluGold, he would get that 60 min show down to a 30 second webisode

Thanks Dubb.

There is nothing more that I hate about marriages than a couple make excuses to either stay with, or seperate from, their spouse. Because then the marriage is a lie. And that lie will hurt more people than just the husband and wife.

 

[adwillingham]

My parents divorced when I was six. My dad moved 2 hours away. I saw him one weekend a month, if I was lucky, for 12 years. I understanding completely what divorce is.

If the OP can look his kids in the eyes and say, "I love my .3 handicap more than your mom." Than he needs to get a divorce. End of story.

I'm not justifying the discussion, but the OP did say his children were already grown...so not quite the same at two kids at home.

Liquid does make some good points though. People do change and priorities do change, and many of a relationship has ended due to those facts. Depending on how recently the kids have left home, this may be a case where two people are dealing with that in different ways.

To the OP, moving away from situations your wife was comfortable with, to where your wife may be the golf widow she always was, but without the friends she had before can be a big issue.

As other's said, it has nothing to do with what us strangers suggest. Only the two of you can decide what's right, but I can't imagine ending a marriage for golf...other issues fine, but golf??

 

[Tadashi70]

Nice hdcp btw, it sounds like she asking for a little more of your time. One night date night ain't getting it done. Sometimes just knowing you're in the house is enough. Give up a morning round once or twice a month and you may see and hear a different story. You're game isn't not going to suffer but I you continue your marriage may. Just my two cents. Good luck my man!


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