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The affects of on course "negative" attitude.

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Luchnia

Luchnia

You will never conquer golf.
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Playing golf four days in a row this week and at my age I am a little tired, but still got 18 to go today. Yesterday though, four of us played and a guy that I play with fairly often just has such a negative attitude and bad strikes just take him down a road of despair. If anyone should be negative it should have been me.

My game was decent however my score was high for me and I could go there, but don't allow myself to. I keep my attitude in check at all times and often I am even lightly humorous about the bad shots knowing I am human and that they are history and move on to the next shot. The other two guys were rock solid and might make a comment now and then when a bad shot occurred but never super negative about it at all. They know it is golf and accept the bad with the good.

The bad on course attitude is a fun killer if you ask me and yesterday I was thinking in my mind that my buddy should do something to keep calm. I am noticing how it takes him down a bad road and he cannot find anything good about his game and from what I can tell ruins his fun outing as well as finding decent shots.

I have constantly tried to influence him to relax, have fun, and take it easy, but so far just doesn't seem to work. Do you know people like this and can anything be done to help them, or just let them simply grovel along trudging through the mire of frustration while holding back your words? I know he loves golf, yet struggles so much and it has gotten to the point that I am not wanting to play with him much at all now.

Your thoughts?
 
4 days in a row! Man, I'd be done after 2. Ok, maybe not. I'd soldier on and make it through.:D

I'm sorry to hear that your buddy is always negative about his game. I'll tell you, as a pessimist myself with a typical (for me) negative attitude, it can change. It'll only happen if HE wants it to though. I try to keep my mood up otherwise my wife lets me know and doesn't want to be around me. I love my wife and like being around her, so I just tend to be quiet and keep my mouth shut. That keeps the comments from being said out loud. And I try to think about what I'm going to say before I say it. If it's a negative comment, I don't say it.

All of the encouragement in the world is going to fall on deaf ears for him until HE listens and wants it to help him.

Unfortunately, it sounds like he doesn't want that. I'd suggest that you follow your instinct and stop playing golf with him. If he's "harshing your mellow" to that extent, it's a bad influence. This is my opinion and my opinion only so take it for what it is.


Maybe, if you're insistent on playing with your buddy (and who can blame you if he's good company otherwise) tell him that you won't tolerate ANY negative comments. If he's got something to say it's going to be positive. And carry one of those small air horns. Give it a blast when he says a negative thing. Or a whoopee cushion, or a button you press that lets out a rasberry or something funny.

Get him to start thinking about what he's saying out loud... and the behavior might begin to change... he's been doing it all his life and it's such a habit he doesn't even know he's doing it anymore is my guess.
 
You can only be in charge of your own thoughts and feelings. It is difficult being around a guy like that but he probably wont change. Try to go about your round and don't feed attention to his negative behavior. Easier said than done but that is my dime store psychology for the morning.:cool:.
 
You said it exactly, a bad attitude is a fun killer.. Not only for the person with the bad attitude, but also those in the group. Nothing worse than someone else ruining the day
 
Positivity leads to huge results on the course
 
If you keep plugging away eventually you will learn something. If you have a negative attitude you're never going to learn anything ...
 
One of my close friends is like this. Makes it difficult to want to play with him at times. When it comes to golf I can be very critical of myself but I never let bad shots take the fun out of the game.
 
If constant encouragement hasn't worked, it may be time to try the opposite -- just ignore the negativity and don't respond to it. Or, just keep answering him with, "Yeah, but we're out here to have fun and enjoy the camaraderie." Hopefully, he will get the message. Good luck.
 
I've seen poor attitudes ruin a golfer's game on many occasions. Some were actually fine golfers who just couldn't handle a poor shot, or three.

Its golf, and golf involves both good, not so good, and bad shots at any level of play.

I just grin, and shake my head when I hit a poor shot. Some day's I grin more than others while moving on to my next shot.
 
this
MONTANTK said:
One of my close friends is like this. Makes it difficult to want to play with him at times. When it comes to golf I can be very critical of myself but I never let bad shots take the fun out of the game.
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The mental game of golf is something I need to work on. I can get annoyed at myself after playing poorly, but grinding out a bad hole or 9 or even a bad round is part of the game. It can be tough to focus on a putt when its for tripple, but every shot counts. I'm not sure how to help your friend, but it can be a big downer when someone gives up during a round.
 
seems like that's just who he is...with/without your encouragement.
 
Have you and your partners thought about making fun of him when he throws his fits? Sometimes, you just have to bust some balls to get people to act right. If he starts pouting, the whole group should laugh at him. Call him a baby, then if he takes offense say something like "Alright guys, let's take it easy. He's sensitive." Seriously, shaming people works when it comes to changing behavior.
 
Never done 4 days of golf in a row. Two is the most, but I damn sure would if the opportunity presented itself. If I can ski 4 days in a row, I can golf 4 days in a row. I used to get negative and I know my 21 year old son does as well and it affects him and others playing with him. He has been getting better as he gets older but it still creeps in. There is nothing to be gained from negativism. Bad shot forget about it move onto to the next. A couple of bad shots, try and slow things down remember basics and move onto the next. Just a bad day and there is no moving on, then it becomes a good practice round to try different things.
 
I have been that guy, and am happy to say I am not anymore. I have two friends who sometimes get down in the dumps during a round, and I try to be supportive. One is of the type I don't try to talk to him, I just let him stew. the other I can talk to and joke around with. He's usually not too mopey, even when he's playing poorly. I have learned to just enjoy myself regardless of their moods. I can be quiet and have a good time, or be gregarious.
 
rlefig said:
Never done 4 days of golf in a row. Two is the most, but I damn sure would if the opportunity presented itself. If I can ski 4 days in a row, I can golf 4 days in a row. I used to get negative and I know my 21 year old son does as well and it affects him and others playing with him. He has been getting better as he gets older but it still creeps in. There is nothing to be gained from negativism. Bad shot forget about it move onto to the next. A couple of bad shots, try and slow things down remember basics and move onto the next. Just a bad day and there is no moving on, then it becomes a good practice round to try different things.
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I encourage my friends to do this all the time, sometimes they do, others not.
 
Hamfist said:
I have been that guy, and am happy to say I am not anymore. I have two friends who sometimes get down in the dumps during a round, and I try to be supportive. One is of the type I don't try to talk to him, I just let him stew. the other I can talk to and joke around with. He's usually not too mopey, even when he's playing poorly. I have learned to just enjoy myself regardless of their moods. I can be quiet and have a good time, or be gregarious.
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I agree i was like that before as well, stupid youth. But now I realize this is all fun and if I am not my best then so be it. I still try to be but sometimes it is not going to happen. I do not curse loudly or chuck clubs anymore. And will try and pick up somebody else who is down.
 
It's often been said that golf is like life in a lot of ways. Bad breaks, off days, and bad results from best efforts are part of the gig.
Gotta take the good with the bad. I struggled with this for many years. Too high of expectations.
There is no perfect in golf. I'm playing for fun and recreation. Sure, I want to be "good", but being miserable and dragging others down with you is no way to have fun.
Until I played with someone who had more negative self talk than me, I never realized how it can affect the whole group.
Talk to him about it.
Unless he's an Eeyore all the time, then I'd find another partner for the group.
 
Not 4 days in a row but played 4 rounds over 5 days in Hilton Head once. The first 3 rounds all with two buddies and my wife. One of the buddies wasn't handling things very well and simply made it awful for us in that 3rd round. He kept saying he should have known to not play a 3rd time, should have driven separate so he could leave, blah-blah... he was in bunkers like 5 of the 1st 7 holes and not a strong bunker player. Well we finished but it definitely distracted everyone. He & his wife left the next morning and the three of is played again! It ended up all of our best rounds of the week!
 
my league partner last week was all bent out of shape early in the round. First we got our tee time bumped(no clue why) and we ended up going off 45 minutes later than expected. Then he missed his first drive left into a penalty area. Tried to play from there and the ball barely moved. On the next hole he was in a bunker and found himself in an unraked swing path. Needless to say it wasn't a great start, so he was all fired up about that and it carried over for the first 4-5 holes. Finally settled in, forgot about it and played better. I had to find a balance of encouraging him, while not letting his mood affect me. I know when I have a bad mood going on the course and negative thoughts, it doesn't turn out well.
 
One friend has been struggling for a few seasons, now. Formerly a mid-80's player. Won't take lessons, won't try anything different than what he's doing now. Confusing to me.
I've learned to shut up and focus on my game.
 
ddec said:
my league partner last week was all bent out of shape early in the round. First we got our tee time bumped(no clue why) and we ended up going off 45 minutes later than expected. Then he missed his first drive left into a penalty area. Tried to play from there and the ball barely moved. On the next hole he was in a bunker and found himself in an unraked swing path. Needless to say it wasn't a great start, so he was all fired up about that and it carried over for the first 4-5 holes. Finally settled in, forgot about it and played better. I had to find a balance of encouraging him, while not letting his mood affect me. I know when I have a bad mood going on the course and negative thoughts, it doesn't turn out well.
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That screwed up starting time would irritate me more than it should! Stuff like that used to mess up my whole attitude.
 
El Rayo X said:
That screwed up starting time would irritate me more than it should! Stuff like that used to mess up my whole attitude.
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I remember one time several years ago I played in a local tournament on a Thursday and played poorly. Went and got a nice massage on Friday to kind of relax. Saturday AM my wife and I had the first tee time at our course. The first hole you have to cross a walkway left of a barranca, or use a bridge that covers it on the right. I was on the right so I used the bridge. Took two steps on it and fell flat on my back, which of course tensed right back up. I was so furious that round, it was absolutely terrible.
 
Well, in your friend's case, you are right, he has gone down a dark hole for golf. I prescribe two things. First, he needs to learn to just have fun, even when he 'sucks' at golf. He needs to relearn why he is out there. For me, I golf to be outside and hang out with friends. The golf is secondary to that primary goal. I still want to shoot low, I like to compete, and in fact, every round has some form of competition to it. But when it isn't going well, I remember that I'm there because I am spending time with friends and I'm in the outdoors (or the sim during the winter).

The second item is someone needs to get that dude a Rotella book. Honestly, he's so far down the hole, that I don't think a Rotella book will do anything for him until he gets back to item #1, which is remembering to just have fun. Until he gets that, all the mental game work in the world won't help him.

Just my opinion though.

~Rock
 
When my game goes South I immediately shift my focus to not being a richard to the other players in my group. Perhaps tell your friend that he's becoming a drag to play with and that his negative energy is felt by all.
 
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