How does a hippie polygamist count all of his wives?!
One Mrs. Hippie, Two Mrs. Hippie, Three Mrs. Hippie….
One Mrs. Hippie, Two Mrs. Hippie, Three Mrs. Hippie….
The dad joke thread
Where do bad rainbows go? Prism!
I once hired a limo but when it arrived, the guy driving it walked off!
I said "Excuse me? Are you not going to drive me?"
The guy told me that the price didn't include a driver…
… so I'd spent $400 on a limo and have nothing to chauffeur it!
I said "Excuse me? Are you not going to drive me?"
The guy told me that the price didn't include a driver…
… so I'd spent $400 on a limo and have nothing to chauffeur it!
I heard they couldn't accept competitive tanning as a new Olympic sport because those making the case insisted the winners should get bronze medals.
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What do you call a pile of cats?
A meowntain
A meowntain
Tonight, my wife told me I was lazy.
I said, "What are you talking about? I didn't do anything!"
I said, "What are you talking about? I didn't do anything!"
Someone threw a bottle of Omega-3 pills at me...
Luckily, my injuries are Super fish oil...
Luckily, my injuries are Super fish oil...
What do you call a bullet-proof Irishman?
Rick O'Shea
Rick O'Shea
I was going to make some Alligator for dinner… but I only have a Crock Pot
Zoo Guy: "some alligators can grow up to 15 feet..."
Me: "But most only have 4..."
Me: "But most only have 4..."
Do you think Song Birds get mad at Hummingbirds for not knowing the words?
What’s the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac? A literalist takes things literally. A kleptomaniac takes things, literally.
How can you tell the difference between a Crocodile and and Alligator?
Easy, one you will see you later. the other will see you in a while.
Easy, one you will see you later. the other will see you in a while.
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in
Antarctica - where do they go?
Wonder no more!!!
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives
an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well
as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout
its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family
and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their
vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird
to be rolled into and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow." Then they kick him in the ice hole.
Antarctica - where do they go?
Wonder no more!!!
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives
an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well
as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout
its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family
and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their
vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird
to be rolled into and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow." Then they kick him in the ice hole.
What is black, white, black, white, black, white, black, white, black, white.... etc...?
A Penguin rolling down a hill...
A Penguin rolling down a hill...
What is black, white, black, white, black, white, black, white, black, white.... etc...?
A Nun falling down the stairs....
A Nun falling down the stairs....
A guy was teeing off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him.
The first said he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.
They were shooting even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?"
The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.
The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease. As they walked number eighteen, the second guy was counting his $80.00. He confessed he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers.
The first fellow revealed he was the local parish priest.
The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. But the priest said, "You won fair and square. I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."
The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
The priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. And, if you want to bring your mother and father along,
I'll be happy to marry them
The first said he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.
They were shooting even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?"
The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.
The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease. As they walked number eighteen, the second guy was counting his $80.00. He confessed he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers.
The first fellow revealed he was the local parish priest.
The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. But the priest said, "You won fair and square. I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."
The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
The priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. And, if you want to bring your mother and father along,
I'll be happy to marry them