What is the fastest milk?
Pasteurized
Pasteurized
The dad joke thread
All my life I've wanted to learn how to juggle.
Just never had the balls to do it.
Just never had the balls to do it.
Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii... or just a low Ha?!
11th Gran Baby came a few days ago....
- Joined
- Dec 26, 2017
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Went out to lunch yesterday. My wife and daughter ordered strawberry shortcake for dessert. The server brings them out on a tray. They are 2"x2" squares that are about 4" tall. Right before she is grabbing one to set it on the table. I say "Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. Those are not short cakes"
If you get one dose of the Pfizer vaccine and one dose of the Moderna vaccine.... you can call it a.... Arnold Pharma!
If you get one dose of the Pfizer vaccine and one dose of the Moderna vaccine.... you can call it a.... Arnold Pharma!
And if you get a J&J booster?
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What’s a Jehovah's Witness’ favorite band?
The Doors.
The Doors.
"I took my 8-year-old to the office on Take Your Kid to Work Day. As we were walking around, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked her what was wrong. As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed, 'Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said you worked with?!'"
"Cop: 'I’m arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia.'
Me: 'Wait! I can explain everything!'"
Me: 'Wait! I can explain everything!'"
<whisper> I think my sofa is haunted....
Must be an upholstergeist....
Must be an upholstergeist....
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Pepper water makes them sneeze
Pepper water makes them sneeze
I once lived a stone's throw away from a family who died of mysterious head injuries.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Spoiler
Did you hear about the chemist who froze himself at -273.15 degrees C?
Everyone said he was crazy but he was 0K.
Everyone said he was crazy but he was 0K.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun.
Big deal. I've had a Canon printer for years
Big deal. I've had a Canon printer for years
How do you know when a sandwich is cooking?
Spoiler
I was accused of being a plagiarist.
Their words, not mine.
Their words, not mine.
I switched all the labels on my wife’s spice rack. She doesn’t know it yet, but her thyme’s cumin.
Giraffes can never apologize to each other.
It takes them too long to swallow their pride.
It takes them too long to swallow their pride.
I asked the librarian if books about paranoia are available.
She looked up and whispered "they're right behind you"
She looked up and whispered "they're right behind you"
