Exaggeration of the Day

I feel like I’m p*ssing razor blades!🤬😢

Coming next spring, a first annual J.B. Cobb III vs Smiter razor blade pissing contest!

That’s an event no one (especially us) wants to see.

For those unaware, I unfortunately have chronic kidney stones. I hope this poor fella doesn’t experience the same. For reference I broke 9 bones and almost bled out in an automobile accident on 09/17/19. I had 14-15 hours of emergency surgery. I crawled my ass out of that ditch after breaking my leg just getting out of the car (I thought it was on fire).

You know why? Because it was nothing compared to a kidney stone.

They need to not be a thing anymore.
 
I’m not proud. Sent this to the family group text earlier:

I got my flu shot it hurt so bad I don’t think I can do any work this weekend I wouldn’t wish this evil on anyone!
 
Kevin White would have caught that!

Following every 49ers incompletion...
 
Every time we walk or drive past a basketball court, I reminisce to my wife, “remember when I used to be able to dunk?”

I am 5’8” and could barely dunk a tennis ball...
 
I don’t think I’ll be buying golf clubs next year.
 
"I haven't hit a fairway in a freaking year!"
 
Person 1: "How far is it to the flag?"

Person 2: " I have NO idea!"

P1: "Really? You have NO idea? Is it 10 cm? Is it 300 Miles? You have some idea."
 
I hit that putt perfect, it was just short.
 
Tried to convince my wife to let me buy a vending machine and put it on our porch. I think this was an exaggeration…?
 
Isn't it great to be at home instead of at the Mizuno Experience?
 
I watch the LPGA all the time.
 
I'm glad I didn't get pick for the dream foursome....sitting on my couch is much better
 
I sweated my @ss of today!
 
Anytime I "I literally..." Something, mostly because it's going to be something I figuratively did.
 
I would have DEFINITELY broken 80 if I played the back-9!
 
"I hate this lob wedge! I am NEVER hitting this thing ever again!!"
 
I love people! They’re great!

I’m also not only great looking but an awesome golfer. I aim straight and hit it true.

My eyes are brown…..
 
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