Golf or Marraige?

Status
Not open for further replies.

Zimmy

New member
Joined
Jul 18, 2011
Messages
2
Reaction score
0
Handicap
36
I’ve been a member of the THP for a couple of years now, but re-registered for this special post for reasons of anonymity and paranoia.

First of all, my wife is a wonderful woman. She’s been a terrific mother to our two children – now grown- and has been a great life’s partner. This is not a “my wife’s an unreasonable b*&^h post.” She's not. We've been married for over 25years, and have had very few arguments.

A couple of nights ago we had the latest in an ongoing series of “you love golf more than me” discussions. This one, though, was the most serious. She asked me if I still wanted to be married. She said that she has considered moving out and getting an apartment in our old hometown.

Frankly, she’s got a point. Though I would not say that I love golf more than her, the fact is that I pretty much would rather spend my free time playing golf than doing things with her. We usually have one date night a week where we’ll do the dinner and a movie deal, and my weekend play generally consists of an early a.m. round, but she’s right when she says that most of my time off from work is spent on the golf course. Typically we’ll have dinner together, and then I’ll go out to the course. It’s more of an issue during the summer with the longer days.

We used to live on a golf course, so it actually was a little bit worse, but at that time we lived some place else where she had friends in the neighborhood. A couple of years ago we moved to a different city, and it would be safe to say that mentally she still hasn’t quite made the move. She still goes back “home” a couple times a month for doctors’ appointments and to spend time with her friends. She doesn’t work outside the home, so as she sees it, she spends most of the day at home alone, and at least during the summer, most of the nights as well.

She’s got a point. A good one, actually. She’s more right than wrong. But the fact is that I really don’t want to change my lifestyle. I probably will, but I know I’ll resent it. I will not be happy being a recreational 2-3 times a week player. What I enjoy about playing golf is trying to do it to the best of my ability. I don’t enjoy playing golf; I enjoy playing it well. I know that if I cut down on how much I play, I also will not play it as well, and if that’s the case, I’d just as soon not play at all. My current GHIN handicap is a 0.3, and I know I wouldn’t be happy just hacking the ball around.

This is not a she’s wrong and I’m right deal. If anything, it’s probably the other way around. She didn’t give me an ultimatum – not in so many words anyway – but I know that we can’t go on like this.

Thoughts?
 

DevRickus

The Dirty Jerz
Joined
May 27, 2011
Messages
34,218
Reaction score
53
Location
NJ
Handicap
Snow
I guess it really all comes down to you and your priorities. The only person that can make that decision is you. For me, my wife is wonderful and we have a open and honest relationship and if I am doing something that bothers her, she let's me know and we compromise. If you honestly feel that cutting back on some golf and spending more time with her will make you resent her, then there is only one thing you can do. There is nothing worse than resentment because it doesn't get better, it just keeps getting worse and worse. Is there no compromise you are willing to make with her?
 

Tmex

Paul Casey, WINNER!
Joined
Oct 1, 2009
Messages
21,982
Reaction score
99
Location
Paul Casey's Twitter Page
Handicap
RCGA 14.2
Well I think she'd be able to find out if it was you, by looking at the post. No new name needed.
 

JB

Follow @THPGolf
Albatross 2021 Club
Staff member
Joined
Oct 8, 2008
Messages
211,166
Reaction score
84,065
Location
Where the THP Tour Van Takes Us!
Im very confused why you re-registered for this post. THP only allows one screen name per user. Is there an issue posting this under your regular screen name?
 

DevRickus

The Dirty Jerz
Joined
May 27, 2011
Messages
34,218
Reaction score
53
Location
NJ
Handicap
Snow
Im very confused why you re-registered for this post. THP only allows one screen name per user. Is there an issue posting this under your regular screen name?
Anonymity is what he said.
 

DevRickus

The Dirty Jerz
Joined
May 27, 2011
Messages
34,218
Reaction score
53
Location
NJ
Handicap
Snow
From what though? If he is scared of his wife, I think she'd be able to put two and two together.
I would assume so. It is not me so I cannot answer..lol That would be just too weird if it was me and I responded to it..lol
 

ddxu

New member
Joined
Dec 5, 2010
Messages
9,843
Reaction score
34
Location
CVG
Handicap
12.6
Does she play? Can you adjust your schedule top play when she goes "home" those several times a month? While it wont be the only times u golf, that will at least reduce the amt of time shes home alone. Can you join a club where she can meet other wives and hang out at the pool, tennis, etc?
 

One-T

Skimming since Nov 2009
Joined
Nov 12, 2009
Messages
22,905
Reaction score
227
Location
Franklin, North Carolina
Handicap
12
Im very confused why you re-registered for this post. THP only allows one screen name per user. Is there an issue posting this under your regular screen name?
hahahaha....ddec changed screen names?
 

Tmex

Paul Casey, WINNER!
Joined
Oct 1, 2009
Messages
21,982
Reaction score
99
Location
Paul Casey's Twitter Page
Handicap
RCGA 14.2
Lol good point.

I'd take golf though to answer the question.

I would assume so. It is not me so I cannot answer..lol That would be just too weird if it was me and I responded to it..lol
 

DevRickus

The Dirty Jerz
Joined
May 27, 2011
Messages
34,218
Reaction score
53
Location
NJ
Handicap
Snow
Lol good point.

I'd take golf though to answer the question.
As much as I love golf, I enjoy doing something else more (not something I would do with a golf club unless she asked..lol)
 

ddec

I have many leather-bound books
Albatross 2021 Club
Staff member
Joined
Sep 2, 2009
Messages
77,940
Reaction score
4,328
Location
NY
Handicap
The Driver
to be honest, if you played 2-3 times a week and your hndp went up to a 2 would that be the end of the world? I also wouldn't say that by only playing 2-3 times a week you would become a guy who just goes out there and hacks the ball around. To each his own, I guess I'm just confused
 

Mardin

New member
Joined
Feb 2, 2011
Messages
2,936
Reaction score
13
Location
Pennsylvania
Does your wife have hobbies? She probably feels left out because first of all she is in a place she is uncomfortable with and maybe she doesn't have the same connection with an actiivity of hobby that you have with golf. It sounds like you take your golf serious but if it's affecting your relationship this much you may need to reevalute the situation. You don't want to resent her and vice versa.
 

ddec

I have many leather-bound books
Albatross 2021 Club
Staff member
Joined
Sep 2, 2009
Messages
77,940
Reaction score
4,328
Location
NY
Handicap
The Driver
hahahaha....ddec changed screen names?
busted!

though being married for over 25 years and only bing 27 is quite the accomplishment
 

JB

Follow @THPGolf
Albatross 2021 Club
Staff member
Joined
Oct 8, 2008
Messages
211,166
Reaction score
84,065
Location
Where the THP Tour Van Takes Us!
For what its worth, I would give up the game in a second for my wife.
Marriage to me is about being with my best friend every day.
I gave up golf a while back for my career at the time and would do so again in a minute if that choice was presented to me.

If the choice is golf or marriage and someone is even thinking about the options, then there are more issues at stake than just the game of golf. They are just being cloaked by an easy target.
 

DevRickus

The Dirty Jerz
Joined
May 27, 2011
Messages
34,218
Reaction score
53
Location
NJ
Handicap
Snow
busted!

though being married for over 25 years and only bing 27 is quite the accomplishment
Man your wife gives a new meaning to cradle robber.
 

ddec

I have many leather-bound books
Albatross 2021 Club
Staff member
Joined
Sep 2, 2009
Messages
77,940
Reaction score
4,328
Location
NY
Handicap
The Driver
For what its worth, I would give up the game in a second for my wife.
Marriage to me is about being with my best friend every day.
I gave up golf a while back for my career at the time and would do so again in a minute if that choice was presented to me.

If the choice is golf or marriage and someone is even thinking about the options, then there are more issues at stake than just the game of golf. They are just being cloaked by an easy target.
well said JB
 

DevRickus

The Dirty Jerz
Joined
May 27, 2011
Messages
34,218
Reaction score
53
Location
NJ
Handicap
Snow
For what its worth, I would give up the game in a second for my wife.
Marriage to me is about being with my best friend every day.
I gave up golf a while back for my career at the time and would do so again in a minute if that choice was presented to me.

If the choice is golf or marriage and someone is even thinking about the options, then there are more issues at stake than just the game of golf. They are just being cloaked by an easy target.
I was trying to say that delicately as to not hurt feelings but that was perfectly put.
 

Hawk

Master Painter
Joined
Dec 2, 2009
Messages
66,791
Reaction score
223
Location
IL
Relationships = compromise. If you're not willing to do that than maybe you shouldn't be in one. From experience, the seed has been planted in her head and that doesn't appear or disappear easily. Figure out what's important to you and do it. No need to be unhappy.
 

One-T

Skimming since Nov 2009
Joined
Nov 12, 2009
Messages
22,905
Reaction score
227
Location
Franklin, North Carolina
Handicap
12
Give up marriage. You will only have one golfing buddy but there are millions of women out there.
 

Spank818

Brian Gaysian
Joined
Dec 21, 2009
Messages
8,589
Reaction score
80
Location
Orlando, FL
Handicap
TMEX 4.19
For what its worth, I would give up the game in a second for my wife.
Marriage to me is about being with my best friend every day.
I gave up golf a while back for my career at the time and would do so again in a minute if that choice was presented to me.

If the choice is golf or marriage and someone is even thinking about the options, then there are more issues at stake than just the game of golf. They are just being cloaked by an easy target.
Great post. I do think there are issues there that we are not privy to. It seems like the OP already is leaning one way. Honestly, to have gone through all this trouble seeking the approval of strangers leads me to believe that the OP is just trying to reason out what he is about to do.

IMO, love is not a conditional thing... it's either there or it's not. There is no maybe's or if's or somewhat's. It's yes or no.
 

ddxu

New member
Joined
Dec 5, 2010
Messages
9,843
Reaction score
34
Location
CVG
Handicap
12.6
If the choice is golf or marriage and someone is even thinking about the options, then there are more issues at stake than just the game of golf. They are just being cloaked by an easy target.
I agree with JB, sounds like shes targeting golf because its an easy target (or one she knows will hit home with you). Was this an issue when you lived in your old location? Any chance of just moving back and killing 2 birds with one stone?
 

blugold

Autobots, roll out!
Albatross 2021 Club
Joined
Oct 20, 2010
Messages
51,135
Reaction score
2,016
Location
Appleton, WI
Handicap
12 or so.
If golf is more important to you than your marriage, then fine. It's your life and you are free to live it any way you want.

Now, when you tell you kids that their mom nad dad are getting a divorce, are you going to be able to tell them the truth why? Will you be able to tell your friends, family, and importantly your kids, that you love golf more than you love your wife and that is why you are getting divorced.

If you can tell people that your handicap means more to you than she does, then you need the divorce.
 

MarcH

1-900-Foley-Boys
Joined
Jun 9, 2011
Messages
1,147
Reaction score
20
Location
Las Vegas
Handicap
Work
For what its worth, I would give up the game in a second for my wife.
Marriage to me is about being with my best friend every day.
I gave up golf a while back for my career at the time and would do so again in a minute if that choice was presented to me.

If the choice is golf or marriage and someone is even thinking about the options, then there are more issues at stake than just the game of golf. They are just being cloaked by an easy target.
Oh come on, there is a handicap on the line here!

But seriously, do whatever you feel. We can all sit here and say marriage is eternal and you should stick by your wife always, but we aren't sitting in your shoes. Personally I wouldn't throw away 25 years of marriage with a great woman for a game that you'll still be able to play if you stay with her. Make a compromise, start a garden together or something so you can spend more time together.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Welcome to The Hackers Paradise

Don't just play golf, live it!

Register Log in
Top