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Golf or Marraige?

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adwillingham said:
I'm not justifying the discussion, but the OP did say his children were already grown...so not quite the same at two kids at home.
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So because the kids are grown, it's going to be easier to tell them that their parents are getting divorced?
 
If you were in a car accident today and loss an arm or leg would you still have the same feelings you have now. I am thinking the golf thing started a resentment between the both of you which may be hard to regain the bond. Just think for a moment if something took golf completely out of the equation, would you feel the same towards your wife? If you still want to split then the love is gone.
 
blugold said:
So because the kids are grown, it's going to be easier to tell them that their parents are getting divorced?
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Didn't say easier...just not the same discussion.
 
KellyBo said:
Wow, I don't even know what to say. My husband is a golf addict but I've never questioned his love for me even when I didn't play much and he played almost every day.
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Is he a golf addict or an emoticon / smilies addict? :)

Would it be too much to ask her to caddy for you, steer the push cart, drive the golf cart? There is plenty of compromises out there...
 
blugold said:
So because the kids are grown, it's going to be easier to tell them that their parents are getting divorced?
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Yes, much. There's a difference between children being at home being raised by two parents, and kids that have moved out and are no longer dependent on both parents for emotional support and general upbringing on a day to day basis.

It's not uncommon to see people stay together for the kids then separate once the kids are out for that very reason. Not saying it's easy. But it is vastly different then having a 5 year old still in the house.
 
adwillingham said:
Didn't say easier...just not the same discussion.
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How? Because there wont be any custody court? It doesn't matter at any age, divorce is tough on children.

I agree with a lot of people in this thread, if the OP even needs to ask, then it's time to make a change. Not saying what that change should be, just saying that a change needs to occur.
 
liquidrage said:
Yes, much. There's a difference between children being at home being raised by two parents, and kids that have moved out and are no longer dependent on both parents for emotional support and general upbringing on a day to day basis.

It's not uncommon to see people stay together for the kids then separate once the kids are out for that very reason. Not saying it's easy. But it is vastly different then having a 5 year old still in the house.
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I'm not going to go off on that tangent anymore than to say, it may be easier on the parents to stay together for the kids because they think they're doing them a favor. But they're not. It is incrediably selfish to "stay together for the kids."
 
blugold said:
There is nothing more that I hate about marriages than a couple make excuses to either stay with, or seperate from, their spouse. Because then the marriage is a lie. And that lie will hurt more people than just the husband and wife.
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Bingo and that's what alot of failed marriages consist of.

I mean if the marriage is gonna work issues like this do not come up. Compromises can be made as well, but shouldn't affect whether they love each other or not.
 
blugold said:
How? Because there wont be any custody court? It doesn't matter at any age, divorce is tough on children.
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Its not a black and white argument and it is very different. Discussing separation with children that are older is far different than discussing it with children young. With age comes maturity in many cases and coping with life situations differently.
 
dubbledxu said:
Is he a golf addict or an emoticon / smilies addict? :)

Would it be too much to ask her to caddy for you, steer the push cart, drive the golf cart? There is plenty of compromises out there...
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Absolutely no doubt about it. emoticon / smilies addict :thumb:
 
JB said:
Its not a black and white argument and it is very different. Discussing separation with children that are older is far different than discussing it with children young. With age comes maturity in many cases and coping with life situations differently.
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I agree that the kids will get over it faster and be less emotionally affected. But there will still be a pull from each parent for holidays, birthdays, and any other time the kids have to choose between one of the parents.
 
blugold said:
I agree that the kids will get over it faster and be less emotionally affected. But there will still be a pull from each parent for holidays, birthdays, and any other time the kids have to choose between one of the parents.
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And to add to that especially if there are grandchildren involved.
 
Boy I know this argument as I had this happen a couple of years ago. children are what really changed the equation as its just a lot of work and stress. My wife works which I don't know if yours does. I think that matters somewhat as its important to have outlets. 2-3 a week is a fair amount of golf and I'd say most don't play that much. So if playing more than that I'd say there is definitely some room for compromise.

I wanted to spend my time golfing as well as its only form of competition athletically can do anymore. I'm an ex baseball player 20 yrs ago softball doesn't cut it. I love challenge of golf. I'm not scratch but single digits and I'd not enjoy the game if I had to go back to a bogey golfer or 12+handicap as it just drive me nuts. This is a tough deal with golf as its such a time crunch as its 4-6 hrs from time you leave to time get home. It really hurt our marriage and not that we go out twin girls of 2 not really able to leave but it was important to spend some time together. You said go out 1 time a week which is amazing heck 1 a month is great for us did I mention twins:)

Question is did you use to spend more time going out before. Same thought applies to her hey we used to go out 3 times a week now I never see husband he's disconnected when home, he's watching golf etc. its really all about perspective of where you are now and where you were.

I'd say look at that and see if some compromises. one thing I did was start to practice more during week and 9 hole matches then play once on weekend. I make sure to get a good group for weekend as its something I look forward to and build up with practice.

hope this helps
 
Have you thought about counseling(even though that sounds awful) your wife might like that and maybae you could try and get her involved in golf, unless that would just get her more made...good luck
 
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blugold said:
I agree that the kids will get over it faster and be less emotionally affected. But there will still be a pull from each parent for holidays, birthdays, and any other time the kids have to choose between one of the parents.
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Divorce is hard. But so are unhappy people staying together. We were asked of a choice and as I said above I would gladly give up golf for my best friend in the world and my partner. But that does not mean that marriage is a black and white thing that most want to make it out to be. Anytime ANYTHING is based on emotions and feelings, there is going to be give and take.

Your thoughts of going to the kids and saying "we are divorcing because daddy cares more about golf than mommy" is both absurd and far from reality. Do you think that Tiger Woods went to his kids and said "we are splitting up because I slept with 964 waitresses and porn actresses"? Of course not, nor should anybody have expected him to (just using a famous recent divorce before TW fans go crazy). When things are based on emotions, many times splits are amicable and can be done quite well. Things can be explained in ways that are not a slap in the face to the other party and those around the family.

Does it make it easy? No. But at the same time, its not as black and white as you are making it out to be.
 
blugold said:
I'm not going to go off on that tangent anymore than to say, it may be easier on the parents to stay together for the kids because they think they're doing them a favor. But they're not. It is incrediably selfish to "stay together for the kids."
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I totally agree with this. That's what my parents did and kids know that no one's happy. We'd have been a lot better off if they had gotten divorced when we were little. So would they have been.


blugold said:
How? Because there wont be any custody court? It doesn't matter at any age, divorce is tough on children.
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I totally disagree with this. With young kids, kind of, but as you mentioned in your other post I quoted, sometimes divorce is better than staying together. And once they become adults, I don't think it's hard on them at all. They might not like it, but they knew things weren't good. Just like little kids know things aren't good. My brother, sister and I talked about it later and knew the marriage sucked and we all wondered why they didn't do it sooner.
 
JB said:
Divorce is hard. But so are unhappy people staying together. We were asked of a choice and as I said above I would gladly give up golf for my best friend in the world and my partner. But that does not mean that marriage is a black and white thing that most want to make it out to be. Anytime ANYTHING is based on emotions and feelings, there is going to be give and take.

Your thoughts of going to the kids and saying "we are divorcing because daddy cares more about golf than mommy" is both absurd and far from reality. Do you think that Tiger Woods went to his kids and said "we are splitting up because I slept with 964 waitresses and porn actresses"? Of course not, nor should anybody have expected him to (just using a famous recent divorce before TW fans go crazy). When things are based on emotions, many times splits are amicable and can be done quite well. Things can be explained in ways that are not a slap in the face to the other party and those around the family.

Does it make it easy? No. But at the same time, its not as black and white as you are making it out to be.
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Of course the reason isn't that he loves golf more than his wife. He just doesn't love his wife enough to compromise with her. Which is fine. The OP is at a point in his life where the marriage isn't as important. Which again, is fine. My point is, don't lie about it and say it's because you have to maintain a .3 handicap. Just be honest with yourself. It is a lot better to say to the kids, "We were at a point in ourlives where we want to be apart."

Smallville said:
I totally agree with this. That's what my parents did and kids know that no one's happy. We'd have been a lot better off if they had gotten divorced when we were littl. So would they have been.



I totally disagree with this. With young kids, kind of, but as you mentioned in your other post I quoted, sometimes divorce is better than staying together. And once they become adults, I don't think it's hard on them at all. They might not like it, but they knew things weren't good. Just like little kids know things aren't good. My brother, sister and I talked about it later and knew the marriage sucked and we all wondered why they didn't do it sooner.
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Divorce is hard on kids no matter when it happens. I would rather see a mother and father get a divorce right away, than to lie to anybody about their marriage.

As JB said, anytime anything involves emotions, it can get really messy and hurtful.
 
I have a 2 year old and a 2 week old at the house now. My wife jokingly complains about my golf. I typically play 2-4 times a week. One arrangement we have recently made is that I take my 2 year old to the course a couple of times a week.This gives her a break since she is a stay at home mom and I work away from the house. I am also very serious about my golf and find it difficult to play well with a 2 year old running around chasing squirrels, but I also know that spending time with him while also giving my wife a break is much more important. If you cannot honestly say that your marriage is more important and work out some compromise, then you need to either step back and take a look at your priorties or keep your eyes shut and get the divorce and love your .3. To me, family comes first.
 
I think that having a .3 is important, but having a .3 handicap at life is much more important.
 
SethO said:
I think that having a .3 is important, but having a .3 handicap at life is much more important.
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hahahahahaa.

Way to add some levity to thread.
 
SethO said:
I think that having a .3 is important, but having a .3 handicap at life is much more important.
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I already have a mental handicap and it is way more than .3...lol
 
Ok my question is to guys that have young ones at home. How do you get out 2-4 times a week? I get out two times a week at most and I have a 7 month old at home. The reason I only get out that much is because i want to spend time at home with my son and wife since I work all day. I'm not saying that you guys don't, but I guess my real question is what kind of jobs do you guys have and can I work where you do?
 
blugold said:
Divorce is hard on kids no matter when it happens. I would rather see a mother and father get a divorce right away, than to lie to anybody about their marriage.
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Again, I disagree and agree here.

It wasn't hard on us. Like I said, we all wondered why they were staying together. We were sad that their marriage was over, but glad they could finally be happy (or happier). It might have been hard on us as little kids, but at age 18,19 and 23, we were more glad it was finally over than sad that it happened. If an adult has issues when their parents get divorced, then that's a messed up adult right there.

I do agree that as soon as the marriage is over, it should be dissolved right away. Staying together for the kids is bad for not only the sdults, but for the kids too. Living in an f-d up family environment where the parents aren't happy together is harder on kids than a divorce would be, any day of the week.
 
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