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I'm being asked to attend a funeral in another state

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~QQ~

~QQ~

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About 18 family members from across the country will converge. There will be a mass open to the public, internment, then lunch for all at a restaurant. It's for my father-in-law. My wife is already there. I really don't want to take my 2 grown kids there, nor do I want to go. Seems like a Covid news story waiting to happen. But, I feel the pressure to show up. I want to be there for the family, but I don't want me or my kids to get or give covid. If someone in the group gets it and dies.....

What to do??
 
~QQ~ said:
About 18 family members from across the country will converge. There will be a mass open to the public, internment, then lunch for all at a restaurant. It's for my father-in-law. My wife is already there. I really don't want to take my 2 grown kids there, nor do I want to go. Seems like a Covid news story waiting to happen. But, I feel the pressure to show up. I want to be there for the family, but I don't want me or my kids to get or give covid. If someone in the group gets it and dies.....

What to do??
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At the end of the day NO ONE should have a problem with you putting you, your family and your kiddos wellbeing first during the cluster fu%$ that has occurred this year. Family across the street from us went to a Thanksgiving family gathering and the grandparents (her parents) ended up having the virus and now that daughter/mom tested positive for it yesterday. And yes, my kiddo was over at their house the day before playing w/ her kiddo. So goes it. You do You my friend and have no regrets about it.
 
~QQ~ said:
About 18 family members from across the country will converge. There will be a mass open to the public, internment, then lunch for all at a restaurant. It's for my father-in-law. My wife is already there. I really don't want to take my 2 grown kids there, nor do I want to go. Seems like a Covid news story waiting to happen. But, I feel the pressure to show up. I want to be there for the family, but I don't want me or my kids to get or give covid. If someone in the group gets it and dies.....

What to do??
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I’d stop watching CNN and go pay your respects to your wife’s father.
 
I can’t see missing this one, my wife would tell me to pack my shat and get out if I decided differently.... and fwiw we have a normal marriage just like anyone else.
 
2 interesting replies. FYI, M-I-L is 80 and has lung cancer.
 
~QQ~ said:
2 interesting replies. FYI, M-I-L is 80 and has lung cancer.
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this really resonates with me. My grandmother is battling c*ncer in Canada right now and the outlook is relatively poor.

I've had a lot of conversations with my Dad about what the right thing to do is when the time inevitably comes, and he is pretty adamant about me staying here. It will be an incredibly painful process, however, what and how we grieve and pay our respects should not be dictated by others.

Do what you feel is the best thing for your family, and support your wife. I am so sorry that she is going through this.
 
At end of the day you have to make a call good for your family. My close friend and her dad had it, and my 2 of my workers now. One minor symptoms, one with pneumonia. My friend who had it in February has some heart issues still from it, and at 33 its kinda scary

Either way just make sure you and your wife will be on the same page
 
That's the thing, there is a "death rate", but if you get it and live you could have lifelong issues. It damages your body in different ways. I don't want anyone I know getting it not just for fear of death. But some people think that's the only issue.
 
~QQ~ said:
About 18 family members from across the country will converge. There will be a mass open to the public, internment, then lunch for all at a restaurant. It's for my father-in-law. My wife is already there. I really don't want to take my 2 grown kids there, nor do I want to go. Seems like a Covid news story waiting to happen. But, I feel the pressure to show up. I want to be there for the family, but I don't want me or my kids to get or give covid. If someone in the group gets it and dies.....

What to do??
Click to expand...
Sorry man but I support my wife in this situation and I don’t even have to think about it. I wouldn’t like it, but it’s what I signed up for.
 
I am very sorry for your loss. The only right answer is doing whatever you and your family are comfortable with doing.
 
I don't watch the news very much. However I do have family members who work in hospitals with covid patients every day.

Based on what they know, and have passed along to me, if I were the OP, I wouldn't go.

That's just me, and my own opinion. Better safe than sorry, and sorry can be really bad.
 
IMO I would get on the same page as your wife and make that decision together. Me personally I would not go, not scared of it, but why put yourself in a situation where you have a higher change of getting it. Also are you going somewhere that requires you to quarantine on arrival or return? That is a big part of it also.
In the end you have to do what is best for you and your family to keep everyone safe.
 
AndyL0711 said:
Good luck making your decision. I know how much my wife loves her parents and how terrible it would be for her to lose 1. She we definitely need me.
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I want to be there badly. She's needs me so I am actually leaning a little off the fence to go there. Airports, plane, mass, internment, lunch. Lots of chances there. Not to mention all the week long get togethers the family will have. Frustrating situation.
 
~QQ~ said:
About 18 family members from across the country will converge. There will be a mass open to the public, internment, then lunch for all at a restaurant. It's for my father-in-law. My wife is already there. I really don't want to take my 2 grown kids there, nor do I want to go. Seems like a Covid news story waiting to happen. But, I feel the pressure to show up. I want to be there for the family, but I don't want me or my kids to get or give covid. If someone in the group gets it and dies.....

What to do??
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What would be an acceptable middle ground? Would you be comfortable attending Mass and Internment? Skipping lunch?

Are you able to drive or do you have to fly? Would you be able to socially distance from your MIL?

As someone who has flown across the country during the current situation, it’s a situation you feel comfortable doing as well as feel comfortable putting your immediate family in.
 
Snickerdog said:
IMO I would get on the same page as your wife and make that decision together. Me personally I would not go, not scared of it, but why put yourself in a situation where you have a higher change of getting it. Also are you going somewhere that requires you to quarantine on arrival or return? That is a big part of it also.
In the end you have to do what is best for you and your family to keep everyone safe.
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She is ok with talking on the phone. But I know she would like me there. She said she understands (and so does MIL) if we don't go. So, it's up to me.
 
OITW said:
What would be an acceptable middle ground? Would you be comfortable attending Mass and Internment? Skipping lunch?

Are you able to drive or do you have to fly? Would you be able to socially distance from your MIL?

As someone who has flown across the country during the current situation, it’s a situation you feel comfortable doing as well as feel comfortable putting your immediate family in.
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What difference does it make if I skip that stuff but my wife and kids don't? If they get it, I'm sure I'll end up getting it. We do have to fly and I'm actually more ok with that than the constant get togethers after we're there.
 
This past August my uncle passed in Virginia. He was my father after my father passed and a close dear relative i live a few houses from when i lived there. I went. But i went alone, I spent the night on the way from texas to virginia in the back seat of my Pick up. I stayed with my daughter who is in the medical field. went to the Church service but skipped the graveside, left for home and spent the night in my truck again. I carry sanitizer in my truck, took my food and stayed masked.

But that was my choice, and i got tested the day i got home.....he meant that much to me. not sure i would do it they way numbers are looking now.
 
~QQ~ said:
What difference does it make if I skip that stuff but my wife and kids don't? If they get it, I'm sure I'll end up getting it. We do have to fly and I'm actually more ok with that than the constant get togethers after we're there.
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I’m not a medical expert and I can’t see into the future. You’re in an incredibly tough spot and I don’t envy it. If you have to go I would follow all of the health protocols in regards to PPE and distancing as much as you can.

I would try and have the convo with your family about your reservations and explain your side, it’s not easy but hopefully they would understand.
 
Man, that's a dilemma if ever I heard one. I don't envy your position.

If you feel compelled to go, then go. Wear a mask. Not one that's for appearances only to get past the "face covering required" mandates; wear one of the N95 masks that actually work.

Take hand sanitizer. It's in more plentiful supply now. Use it. Religiously.

Don't touch your hands to any part of your face without sanitizing them.
Don't stick your fingers in your mouth unless you sanitize them.
Don't stick your fingers in your eyes unless you sanitize them. Then wait a fee seconds for that to dry or it'll burn:eek:
Don't stick your fingers in your nose without sanitizing them.

Be mindful of everything you touch. Remember no one else is washing their hands.
Even after the use the restroom, they don't wash their hands.

Social distance.
Carry an umbrella or cane.
Use it to keep people away from you.

Simulate a fist bump instead of a hug, bro hug, or better yet, just head nod from a distance.

Everyone should understand that you're taking precautions for your safety as well as theirs.

You want to be there for your wife. Be there.

Use caution.

Wash your hands.
 
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