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I'm being asked to attend a funeral in another state

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I wouldn’t go. But that’s a decision only you can make. Sorry for your families loss.
 
2,500 people died of COVID-19 today. Most of them thought they wouldn’t get it. Another 100,000 are in the hospital. They thought they were safe too. Only you can determine your level of risk. I wouldn’t go. Whatever you decide, I hope you and your family stay healthy.
 
I don't envy your position and I'll probably say what others have said too. I will add that you know your wife better than any of us and can tell if her saying she and her MIL understand if you did go is truthful or just them saying what they think they should say hoping you join anyway. Easy to say since I am not in the situation, but I personally wouldn't go. Wish you and your family all the best!!
 
Don't want to sound too insensitive but I guessed you were from california before looking just from reading your posts and replies.

I would go, no doubt. And not have more sick and at risk family go. Avoid those family for 2 weeks on return and go one with your life.
 
Scott F said:
2,500 people died of COVID-19 today. Most of them thought they wouldn’t get it. Another 100,000 are in the hospital. They thought they were safe too. Only you can determine your level of risk. I wouldn’t go. Whatever you decide, I hope you and your family stay healthy.
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Died of COVID or died with COVID... there’s a big difference.
 
Do what’s best for you! Tough times for sure.
 
OGputtnfool said:
Have I ever told you how much I love you?
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I’m not trying to be crass, however, I just have a different lens.

My wife has an autoimmune disease, every flu season since we have been married, we have “social distanced” (before it was a thing), wore masks when traveling on an airplane (before it was a thing), made sure we always had hand sanitizer & wipes at all times (before it was a thing). Why? She would have serious issues, if she caught any type of influenza (Covid or a different strain).

With that being said, she is less afraid to live her life than many healthy people in this country. The OP isn’t asking should he play in the ball pit at a Chucky Cheese (that’s ill advised), he’s asking should he go to a funeral of his wife’s father (when his wife is already there). The fact that she’s already there, makes the whole question of should he go, probably moot (he probably should go unless he is in a high risk group).

The question posed to an Internet forum, feels off. Say he makes the personal decision not to go due to safety concerns, basically virtue signaling to everyone that decides to attend. I think that he’s in a no win situation if he’s personally concerned about catching Covid.
 
BlueHen2006 said:
I don't envy your position and I'll probably say what others have said too. I will add that you know your wife better than any of us and can tell if her saying she and her MIL understand if you did go is truthful or just them saying what they think they should say hoping you join anyway. Easy to say since I am not in the situation, but I personally wouldn't go. Wish you and your family all the best!!
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I thought this too...
 
My thought process is if you live in California where infection rates are skyrocketing, do you think if you stay home you will avoid getting the virus at all? What’s to say you won’t get the virus next week at the grocery store? However I completely understand that you don’t want to risk getting anyone else sick. But I’m sure there will be multiple visitors there so I think it wouldn’t make thing exponentially more dangerous if you were there.

This is your family and only you know the dynamic of your family. I would speak to your wife and gauge how she is feeling. When you lose a parent it’s emotionally devastating and exhausting. She may need you more than ever while she is there. If I was you I would be going but making sure to take every precaution possible to avoid the virus (mask, sanitizer, 6 feet etc.) I flew last month for the Ben Hogan experience and airlines have been very good about covid precautions if you ask me.
 
~QQ~ said:
About 18 family members from across the country will converge. There will be a mass open to the public, internment, then lunch for all at a restaurant. It's for my father-in-law. My wife is already there. I really don't want to take my 2 grown kids there, nor do I want to go. Seems like a Covid news story waiting to happen. But, I feel the pressure to show up. I want to be there for the family, but I don't want me or my kids to get or give covid. If someone in the group gets it and dies.....

What to do??
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If it were to be a superspreader event, it would likely be that regardless of whether you are there or not. If you're concerned about bringing sickness with you, there are methods to mitigate that. If you're concerned about bringing sickness back home with you, there are methods to mitigate that.

Ultimately the only boss in charge is yourself, you do what you do. Hopefully nobody feels the need to pass judgement on whatever decision you make, that would be pretty despicable
 
18 people from out of state. Indoor mass. Meal at a presumably indoor restaurant. That’s like the trifecta of Covid no-no’s. This just does not sound like a good idea at all (IMO). Everyone has to make these tough decisions for themselves. I would lean heavily toward not going and hope my FIL would have understood.
 
I'd sure be cautious about going. I wasn't when I went to my sister-in-laws funeral. There was about 50 of us there. Someone must have been asymptomatic because within a week 14 of us had covid. It was a horrible month of November for my family.
 
My mother died in May. We skipped the funeral, she was cremated, and will have a service next year.

I'd probably keep the children at home, and it's not the flight over which I'm worried, but after getting off the plane. My thoughts would be to see if you can socially distance inside, wear real protective gear, and stay outside as much as possible and limit physical contact.

BUT it's the worst season to go - cases and deaths are climbing at this time and most say from now through January will be the worst of it.

in a perfect world, I'd probably go to make sure my wife stays in control in terms of contact and distancing - if she gets it, you will get it, so you are the guardian. BUT heck, if she is already there and around relatives and not being careful, you may be screwed if you go.

Due to the fact that cases and deaths are up, and she is already there and you haven't observed the contact, that's tough. If it were my family member that died, I'd tell my wife to stay with the kids while I went, and then I'd quarantine in a hotel for a week afterwards and have a test.

You've heard the stories of super spreader weddings and funerals, and your job is to protect your family. Do you protect it by going or by having wife go alone and then having her quarantine when she gets back for a week or so and test. If she is not going to quarantine, then you are not protecting anyone. But come to an understanding with your wife. It sounds cold, but your job is to be the tough, rational man and protect your family. Do that.
 
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~QQ~ said:
About 18 family members from across the country will converge. There will be a mass open to the public, internment, then lunch for all at a restaurant. It's for my father-in-law. My wife is already there. I really don't want to take my 2 grown kids there, nor do I want to go. Seems like a Covid news story waiting to happen. But, I feel the pressure to show up. I want to be there for the family, but I don't want me or my kids to get or give covid. If someone in the group gets it and dies.....

What to do??
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Say no.
Send flowers.
Tell the family that you don't want the next funeral to be yours.
 
Locked. Obviously we don’t need to explain why based on the last few virus threads. I’m sure the OP has enough outside information now to make an informed decision.
 
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