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Life and Golf Balance

I've put it before but I have a strange story with this.

My wife is actually the one who got me into golf and who encourages that I go out. I mean, we're really busy with working 60+ hours a week, she works FT and we have 2 kids under 4.

Just this morning she was like "You might want to think about golfing Friday so we can go out Saturday and I'm gone on Sunday" kind of out of the blue. Problem is that it's supposed to rain on Friday so I'll go between do we go if it doesn't rain or do I skip playing in the rain.

She also helped me find a babysitter that she's comfortable with for golf nights so it's easier for me to go while she's at work.

What I have found most helpful is that we have a great relationship with regards to expectations. She knows that I need some alone time, she knows that I really like to go golfing, fishing, day hikes (which will turn into overnight backpacking this year) etc. I know that she has things that she needs as well so we coordinate them out in advance and then also understand that stuff comes up and maybe a bad day at work means I don't want to go out golfing, or maybe it means I really need some time to myself.

I don't know what to say other than we schedule our lives because of how busy they are and it's been working for us - however it's not perfect but it's a good start.
 
Kmench said:
I’ve told her two weeks in advance before, then the day before she says I never told her lol.
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Honestly asking, as intent can get lost on the interwebs, but do you think you do a good job communicating between 2 weeks out and the day before?

I ask because I've gone through the same thing with similar responses, and have realized through a few conversations that with all the running around in a house with a young one some things can quickly be forgotten.
 
Scooby45 said:
Honestly asking, as intent can get lost on the interwebs, but do you think you do a good job communicating between 2 weeks out and the day before?

I ask because I've gone through the same thing with similar responses, and have realized through a few conversations that with all the running around in a house with a young one some things can quickly be forgotten.
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Honestly probably not. But definitely a good idea for the future if I can make plans that far out.
 
Seems to me that these days, many (most?) parents think that they are bad parents if they aren’t spending 100% of their non-working time with their kids. I think non-working time needs to be separated into family time, parents time together, and parents personal time. Kids need to learn parents aren’t responsible for their entertainment 100% of the time. I used to work with a guy that literally spent 100% of his non-working time, and some of his working time as well, shuttling kids to hockey practices, games, and tournaments. Year-round. He literally had no time to do anything that he enjoyed doing by himself, and he and his wife had very little time together and separate from kids.
 
Kmench said:
that day usually doesn’t happen because it’s Ohio and the weather sucks
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I have some flexibility at work, so I can get out during the week, but when I am scheduled to play the rare weekend round (we have kids who will be 3 and 5 this summer) it happens unless there is lightning. My golf is dictated by the schedule, not the weather. Get some quality rain gear. And those rounds tend to be faster with the courses being less crowded.
 
Kmench said:
My wife and I work a lot, I’m usually around the 50-55 mark and it seems like she’s nonstop on the computer and phone. Along with a 3 year old and trying to do upgrades to the house we don’t really get to spend a lot of time together her and I and as a family. Weekends is where we try to really make that up by getting our daughter out and doing things with her or working on the house and yard. I know how important this time is with my family and daughter but I also need time to myself or with friends on the course or at the range. She always sounds so bothered when I ask if I can get out one day, and that day usually doesn’t happen because it’s Ohio and the weather sucks. Ultimately I’d love to golf every weekend, but realistically I think twice a month is pushing it with her. How do you guys do it that are able to get out so much? Talking to you guys that are still working and have kids at the house, not you guys that are retired and can play whenever unless you went through it. How understanding is your wife or do you just deal with the consequences later. Can you guys shut off golf, because seriously it’s always in the back of my mind. I’m constantly thinking about how and when the next time I get to go to the range or actually play. It completely ticks my wife off, I get it though. I’ve always been this way about things as I have a very addictive personality.
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We had both our daughters two years apart. The first one was easy and I played a lot of golf. The second one put a big dent in the playing time and we had to go "zone defense" and I found myself practicing more than playing. Luckily for me & my wife she knew the importance of golf for me while we were dating so me playing or practicing is a non issue as long as other home commitments are met.

It sounds like professionally your wife has a ton of commitments, so I would maybe give her a day to herself a few times a month as a recognition that she needs a break. Let that be the catalyst to having a conversation with her about how you need golf to "decompress" and it's not just all fun, giggles, drinking and partying. I think if your honest and explain how it helps you, she will see how it will help her also. I'm a big fan of communication and not "assuming" what my wife thinks. Just when I think I've got women figured out, they throw a curve ball and I end up looking stupid. Be honest, talk it out and be present.
 
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MGoBlue said:
Seems to me that these days, many (most?) parents think that they are bad parents if they aren’t spending 100% of their non-working time with their kids. I think non-working time needs to be separated into family time, parents time together, and parents personal time. Kids need to learn parents aren’t responsible for their entertainment 100% of the time. I used to work with a guy that literally spent 100% of his non-working time, and some of his working time as well, shuttling kids to hockey practices, games, and tournaments. Year-round. He literally had no time to do anything that he enjoyed doing by himself, and he and his wife had very little time together and separate from kids.
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I’ve listened to a couple of parenting podcasts that say this exact point. You need to have your own time away from kids to decompress/recharge in order to be the best parent to your kids when you’re with them.
 
Finding balance is huge, and honestly, as the kids get older and more self-sufficient it makes it easier to get out and golf when someone isn't at home fully responsible for the house, kids, and maybe even work.
 
Kmench said:
I’ve told her two weeks in advance before, then the day before she says I never told her lol.
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For this put it on a family calendar. I would also remind her a week out if it is a problem.

I am fortunate my wife is a saint. When our kids were younger than 5 or 6 (I have two kids 13 months apart) on weekends I would play early then take the kids in the afternoon so my wife could have some alone time if she wanted it. We belonged to a club back then with a pool so some days she would bring the kids to the pool around 11 then I would meet them their for lunch and to hang out.

During the week we split drop off/pickup duties. My wife would usually get moving early to go to work and I would get the kids up and out the door for the day. At the end of the day my wife would pick them up (this was pre-school). A couple of days a week I would go to the course for a bit to hit balls or play a few holes then make it home for bath time and to put the kids to bed.

When my kids were 5 or 6 I started playing less because they got involved in sports. I could never get them to love golf even though I tried. We got into water skiing and when my kids were 8 or 9 I started playing a lot less and gave up my membership. I played mostly just work golf for about 10 years and got out 15 or so times a year. I didn’t miss it unless I was playing because I was very busy doing other stuff I enjoyed including watching my kids in their activities and coaching.

If you want to get your kids into golf I would suggest finding a good junior program. My club did not have one which made it tougher for the kids to fall in love with the game. I find that if they are doing things with friends they enjoy it more.

Finally enjoy your children. My son who is the youngest will play his last lacrosse game in a few weeks and while I will have a lot more free time in the spring I will miss it.
 
The older our son has got the easier it has become. I try where possible to play weekly on a Saturday morning, I’m out early & normally back before lunch so have rest of the day to spend with the family. My wife realises it’s a good release for me from a busy job and many home renovation projects she has me on with. I’d love to play at least one evening a week during the summer but I value family time above this desire.
 
From a little bit of personal experience and a LOT of professional experience, all I can offer here is that personal time for each of you is just as important as family time. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of each other and your family. Like others have mentioned, scheduling and communicating about that time is vitally important. Encourage her, and encourage some more if needed, to do things for herself. You'll both be better for it. Do your best not to let feelings fester and resentments to arise. **** gets really tough then.
 
I’m away from home due my job 28 days at a time, 6 months out of the year. It’s extremely hard to catch up around the house and get some me time when I’m off for my 28 days. My mother n law is aging, fortunately our son lives with her to help out. We help as well,pretty much taking care of 2 places. We traveled all his youth and one year of college while he bowled and played golf. Now he’s a boat Capt for a couple high schoolers several weekends out of the year. We attend the tournament weigh ins and his weigh ins when he fishes tournaments himself. He takes one day a week off so he and I can play a round of golf, we also fish, plus we bowl on Monday night men’s league in the fall & winter. She gets it when I’m golfing with our weekly group,but after the round, I’m full bore into yard work or whatever she wants to do that given day.l I do the grocery shopping, errand running,you name it, when I’m home for my 28 days off! We make the most of the time I’m home, then I go back off shore for 28 beat down tired, but we manage. I don’t ask to play, but she understands I need my time too! She’s definitely a trooper!
 
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