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Mental Health: Make it a Priority

Thanks for posting this. Mental health can be a challenging subject to talk about, but there’s no shame in it. I hit rock bottom a while back and I consider myself fortunate to be here today. If you’re feeling out of sorts, reach out to someone and talk about it. And keep in mind the first person you talk to may not be the right person, but one of the first steps is starting that conversation.
 
hedley_lamarr08 said:
I've often ignored and bottled up most of my emotions giving my work. Makes me kinda numb or seem tense all the time. That's really not the case as life experiences (work) lead me to some really dark times. Last year was tough, the Morgan Cup pulled me through it. I had something to look forward to. I set a resolution for myself at the start of this year. Really simple one. "Find yourself something."

Something to be involved in (THP is a major door opener for me) Play more golf with groups. (I'm often by myself) Avoid highly structured days off of work (my work isn't structured, its chaotic so why I live this way I don't know) Laugh at myself if nothing else is funny (I've done enough dumb in my day to laugh at myself fairly) Do something for a friend or neighbor. Teach a few of the classes I used to teach. Something to occupy life.

I was taught to not be sad or show emotion really other than to get mad and fight. I can talk myself right out of that at this point in my life. That has taught me that I don't have to be on the clock to help someone. I mean this whole-heartedly: IF SOMEONE ON HERE NEEDS HELP OR HAS A QUESTION, I'M HERE. I may even be up in the middle of the night. I treat friends with questions the same as I do patients. I won't speak to anyone else about it. It's your place, mind, thoughts, and concerns. Only thing I won't discuss is religion and I don't know anything about alcohol other than how to treat it.

I'm still searching for happy. But I'm a lot closer now than I was a year ago.
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That last line hits home. Glad to hear your doing better man.
 
Canadan said:
A couple things that have helped me on my journey:

1- If someone you open up to has the casual perspective of "just stop feeling that way" or "get over it" stop talking to them. That's like telling someone to stop thinking, or growing hair, or sweating, or telling someone to stop feeling hungry. Those people will NOT help you.

2- You are in full control of your situation, whether that means you need to gut it out, or get the hell out. What you're probably battling is something called "fight or flight" especially when it comes to anxiety - so if you start feeling that way, pick flight for a while. Get your butt out of that situation, even if it makes things more challenging. I remember being at a THP event before I really had it sorted out in Vegas, and we jumped on a bus to go to a casino. Buses are one of my triggers, and for about 15 minutes I was pretty sure I was either going to piss myself or die. I didn't do either, but there was no telling me at the time.

3- Talking about it in a positive way adds control to your side. When you stop becoming a victim of a condition, and start becoming more of a survivor of a condition, it makes it easier to deal with all the residual BS that comes with it (like the lingering thoughts/emotions). Use the people around you to create positive and supportive energy. If you are in a 'flight' moment, make sure your loved ones know what that means, and let you get the eff out - even if it costs you some fun.

4- Speak to your doctor about it, not a therapist. There are about a billion thought, pressure point, and breathing exercises out there that support anxiety and depression, however, in many cases it's just not that simple. I know pills and dependency are scary, but there are plenty out there that improve your balance, and don't turn you into a zombie... This isn't the freaking 1970s.

5- Check your daily routine. Make sure positivity is in the lead and negativity is as limited as possible. Consider what you're reading/watching/thinking/talking about when it gets bad, and the same when it gets good. I'll openly admit there are things I don't watch/do/etc because of how they put me mentally, ESPECIALLY during the winter.
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It really makes me happy to see that so many others here have a solid understanding of recognizing the signs and taking the first step. It also shows that these types of issues have impacted more people than one might expect, but also that others are open to sharing their experience which means the stigma is going away. What it ultimately shows IMO is just how good the people here are.

Is there somebody cutting onions in here? :rolleyes:
 
Thank you for this post. I struggled with depression years ago, what I would consider badly, and it brought up a few things.

Things for me: it's okay to not be okay, there is nothing wrong with pills being part of the solution, it's a marathon recovery not a sprint.
 
Great post, well done. It makes me think about this game that brings us together. I go to play, relax and enjoy the course. Often, i get off track and end up mad at myself, my game and go home and I'm a crap husband for a while. Hopefully I will start to rethink why I am out there.
 
As we age, we're supposed to gain wisdom.

When I was younger, I didn't take others mental illnesses seriously. I realized for quite some time I've had my own issues, but I learned how to deal with those by spending as little time around others as possible. Now I realize that any issues I deal with are small compared to what many people have to face. And that their issues are not exaggerated nor are they an excuse to act a certain way. They are very real. If we look at ourselves and recognize how difficult it can be to get out of the sh***y mood we're in, or how we can get angry at smallest thing - and then multiply that by many times, maybe we can start to understand that there are varying degrees of what everyone goes through. It's so easy to describe someone as an a-hole or whatever, and much more difficult to stop and think maybe they're going through something that's out of their control. Many of us - myself included - judge others on this forum on a regular basis.

It took my son to educate me on how real this is. His wife is bipolar and was a cutter as a teenager. When she's feeling good, she is one of the most intelligent and fun individuals I've ever been around. But when she's not feeling well...

He has explained to me what the disorder is about and how he helps her through those periods of lows. In dealing with her mental health, he's discovered some things about his own and has been able to get help.

I don't know where I'd be without my wife but I'm in a much better place because of her. We all have issues - some more than others - and not everyone has the support of loved ones and friends.

Thanks for bringing this up @Junkyard and everyone else who posted.
 
I have been hospitalized more than a few times. Mental illness doesn't run in my family, it gallops. Sometimes it is difficult to be kind to oneself, as many normal activities can feel like climbing Mt Everest...without oxygen, while getting a root canal. I try to remind myself that I wouldn't expect someone to run a marathon with a broken leg. My "broken leg" happens to reside between my ears, so I should cut myself some slack if I can't do something most other people can. And, give myself credit when I am able to do a certain thing, even if it is considered simple by most.

On a side note, golf has been great for my mental health. For me, there is a lot more to this game than simply hitting a ball, finding it and hitting it again.

Good luck to all of you who have to deal with a mental illness. 🙏👍
 
Life throws a lot at us.

I have my own story of anxiety and depression - I was pretty much an egghead perfectionist my first 55 yrs. Big achiever and learner. Paranoid, unemotional at times. A divorce in 2009 put me in depressive rages - it started with a conflicting phone call that led to profanity and you're telling yourself to stop because you can't believe what you're saying but you can't stop. Happened several times.

Finally figured out it was depression - a bad marriage will trigger it - I started running, lost 20 lbs, felt better, spouse did not believe it was depression but she had her own issues - she did not like to talk because it might involve conflict. That did not help my issues.

Went to doc, got a prescription, it worked, continued running and after a year, slowly weaned myself off the med. I did not know anything about depression and used the time to read about it. Recognized it. Kept running.

Went to psychologist to get rid of the first 50 yrs of garbage. But it was my reading that helped and reflecting on the past. Kept and I keep on reading to this day. I still had some rages until about 7 yr ago but not in business, mostly with myself. More reading ... more get in touch with emotions.

But mostly, I could now recognize depression, could not do that previously, and I said, "OK, you need to hit the treadmill, shake it up, accept it and let it pass through" - that recognition and pass-through phrase helps. I meditate and reflect and find peace in that way. I forgive myself for being human.

It also helps to give yourself a break - you are going to make mistakes, you are going to get down - recognize it, let it pass, go hit some golf balls, get in the sun.

I had a friend, a very influential guy in Texas, and high school buds from 40 yr ago were having lunch and he attended. Everyone left but me and him and he told me some personal things, we talked about a priest who tried to abuse him, I had the same thing happen. He had tried and we both said "Uh, no," and left the room where he apparently took others who did not say no. But the asshole priest had his revenge in other ways for those who said "no." He and I shared our stories, and he told me more. I did not recognize his depression, his family issues. If I had, I might have done more. A year later, he was dead from his own hand. We were all mystified but I looked back to that lunch. He did not have to go down that road. You can renew yourself.

Just remember, that you can always change your circumstances, you can get better, there are people out there who will listen and assist, who have thought the same thoughts, have experienced the same as you.

People think that people cannot change. But the last 10 years taught me we can change, we can face our issues and overcome them. I am a completely different person - practice awareness of yourself and others, have faith in your abilities. If you play golf, you can overcome anything.:D
 
I volunteer at our church on Wednesdays for youth group. I am one of the leaders for our middle school girls so I'm fortunate enough to spend quality time with them. Last night I noticed many heavy hearts and some carrying so much on their shoulders. I just thought I'd add to @Junkyard 's post to say, check on kids too. Things are so heavy for them. The prayer requests from these kids are for others; parents, siblings, neighbors, friends. They see it all. They hear it all. They also carry it all. ❤
 
Anytime you want to chat @Junkyard , I will absolutely clear my PM’s, phone, whatever you need friend. Life sucks sometimes. Sometimes a person with no conceived anything will just listen and give you whatever you need to hear at the moment. 🤝
 
MWard said:
Anytime you want to chat @Junkyard , I will absolutely clear my PM’s, phone, whatever you need friend. Life sucks sometimes. Sometimes a person with no conceived anything will just listen and give you whatever you need to hear at the moment. 🤝
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Thanks @MWard! I count myself amongst the fortunate currently, but if I find myself sideways I will be sure to take you up on your offer.

In the meantime I have no doubt you would do the same for anyone else who needed an ear and that makes you an awesome person!
 
Junkyard said:
Thanks @MWard! I count myself amongst the fortunate currently, but if I find myself sideways I will be sure to take you up on your offer.

In the meantime I have no doubt you would do the same for anyone else who needed an ear and that makes you an awesome person!
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Mental health is no joke. I would venture a guess that most people here would keep some heavy things close to the chest because they think no one cares, or that it's something they can handle on their own. Sure, I'm sure you could. But a chain is only as strong as its weakest link, and no one needs to go through heavy stuff on their own. Friends care if you tell them you need an ear. We've all gone out with a buddy for a beer after a rough day for us or them. 90% of the time, they just want the laugh to disconnect. I fully get it. Ask a question or two, let your friends know you're there for them when they're ready or if they just need to vent. That inch goes miles.
 
Just crushed today. Weekend with services for my friend Ray who passed at 71 after an 18 month battle with pancreatic cancer. As much as it sucked, Ray was ready to go and we were prepared as well and able to tell him we loved him.
My Dad spent most of the weekend in the hospital with complications from medications following a procedure to treat his Trigeminal Neuralgia a month ago.
Just found out the 21 y.o. daughter of an acquaintance committed suicide Saturday. Our oldest son graduated high school with her. His college roommate's best friend dated her a year or so ago. Her mother is the niece of one of my best friends as well as my office admin (those two are brother & sister). She was a bright, beautiful girl going into senior year of college.
Hug your kids. Hug everyone... :cry:
 
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DaBuckBoys said:
Just crushed today. Weekend with services for my friend Ray who passed at 71 after an18 month battle with pancreatic cancer. As much as it sucked, Ray was ready to go and we were prepared as well as able to tell him we loved him.
My Dad spent most of the weekend in the hospital with complications from medications following a procedure to treat his Trigeminal Neuralgia a month ago.
Just found out the 21 y.o. daughter of an acquaintance committed suicide Saturday. Our oldest son graduated high school with her. His college roommate's best friend dated her a year or so ago. Her mother is the niece of one of my best friends as well as my office admin (those two are brother & sister). She was a bright, beautiful girl going into senior year of college.
Hug your kids. Hug everyone... :cry:
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I'm sorry to hear that. It's very difficult to have any of those things happen let alone so many in a short period of time.
 
DaBuckBoys said:
Just crushed today. Weekend with services for my friend Ray who passed at 71 after an18 month battle with pancreatic cancer. As much as it sucked, Ray was ready to go and we were prepared as well as able to tell him we loved him.
My Dad spent most of the weekend in the hospital with complications from medications following a procedure to treat his Trigeminal Neuralgia a month ago.
Just found out the 21 y.o. daughter of an acquaintance committed suicide Saturday. Our oldest son graduated high school with her. His college roommate's best friend dated her a year or so ago. Her mother is the niece of one of my best friends as well as my office admin (those two are brother & sister). She was a bright, beautiful girl going into senior year of college.
Hug your kids. Hug everyone... :cry:
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Hugs, my friend. So much in such a short period of time is staggering when times are already pretty tough. Lean on your friends and family, here or at home.
 
It has no boundaries has no demographic ,,, we can all succumb to its insidious nature .

Several years ago at work they showed a story … of lady who did something about mental health and blokes in the bush .. simply contextually brilliant idea and more brilliant results …

Are you bogged mate .com. au

Talking not about necessarily , but just talking to another opens the path ways to other conversations that you might not have had …. And golf connects so many

So as we say R u ok ?
 
This is a great post. I lost my best friend to mental illness in 2017. His sister told me he was too ashamed to tell me about his problems and that “He wasn’t the same guy anymore”. Guys, we need each other more than we’ll ever know. The age of “guys don’t talk” “bite the bullet” and “tough guys” is bull crap. My two buddy’s and I talk openly and brutally about everything and keep each other in check. We need men we can trust who have our backs, while we watch theirs and keep each other accountable.

Don’t let the last words from a guy you adored and spent the better part of life with be found scribbled in his Bible, after it’s too late.
 
Hey folks, thanks for the support. Got to see Dad tonight. He's doing better. Whatever meds were crossed up and his blood ammonia level spiked leading to hallucinations and vomiting. Left him completely wiped, unable to get up. He was literally on the floor puking in a bucket on Saturday until they got him a nausea scrip. After he settled down a bit, they got him to the ER and now after being admitted, is doing better. Will still need to find an anti-seizure medicine to combat the trigeminal neuralgia and he is likely headed to another specialist for a consult on addressing the root nerve issue. Hopefully he's back home in a night or too. I'm already approved to take off if/when they travel to Columbus for the consult.
Visitation for my son's HS friend is Thursday. This is a pretty small town and things like this in a prominent family will affect a lot of people. It's going to be a very difficult week.
 
Bosco... said:
This is a great post. I lost my best friend to mental illness in 2017. His sister told me he was too ashamed to tell me about his problems and that “He wasn’t the same guy anymore”. Guys, we need each other more than we’ll ever know. The age of “guys don’t talk” “bite the bullet” and “tough guys” is bull crap. My two buddy’s and I talk openly and brutally about everything and keep each other in check. We need men we can trust who have our backs, while we watch theirs and keep each other accountable.

Don’t let the last words from a guy you adored and spent the better part of life with be found scribbled in his Bible, after it’s too late.
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There's a great book for anyone who was in the military and had issues after combat. "The Anatomy Of Courage" by Lord Moran.

I recommend it highly, especially for anyone with delayed onset survivors guilt.

I personally despise how the health care system in the US treats mental illness. Please, don't ever be ashamed to talk to your heath care provider.
 
Mental health one of the most misunderstood things out there, it doesn’t mean anyone has a plague, it’s generally not contagious, and some people are just so used to being unhappy that they think it’s normal.

Many of us judge our insides by other peoples outsides “oh look at those happy bastards! I hope they don’t come over here” :LOL: that’s a real statement I’ve said quietly to myself on several occasions, not so much anymore but that devil on the shoulder is still there:LOL: it’s crazy the stories we tell ourselves :LOL:

We all struggle with different things for different reasons. Crappy childhoods, abandonment issues, traumatizing events, heck! It could be as small as just being a loner and being ostracized and bullied for it. It’s ok to be different and it’s ok to be who we are. Sometimes it hurts to live with the results of the damage in our lives but death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and there are many that simply couldn’t bare the load anymore and chose their own paths home Man that has to be a dark place that they don’t trust anyone with those secrets. Yes! It’s a terrible dark place

Self acceptance is debilitating for some of us including myself, and sometimes it’s like watching a train wreck in slow motion in my head that I can’t stop, it’s pretty intense.

‘It’s ok to be a little different, it’s simply life
 
Nearly two years ago I was at the end of my rope. I was in a horrible 17 year old marriage with a woman who was controlling and manipulative. One morning I decided that maybe would be better if I wasn't here. I didn't see a way out. With those thoughts, I immediately checked myself into the hospital. I was there for 8 days and it was the best thing I have ever done. The hardest part was walking in and telling the staff "I need help". With some great therapy I'm in the best place I have ever been. I found my voice with my horrible wife and divorced her. In the time since, I have found the best woman in the world and she treats me like I have always dreamed.

Taking that first step is hard. But it is worth it. I am proof.
 
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