My friend needs help.

[claycribbs]

My friend's dad left her at 3. 13 years later, she's finally opening up to me about it. I have no idea how to advise her. Any help guys?

 

[Fairway2Green]

She should see a professional that can truly help her get to the roots of her problems and help her through them. Be as supporting as possible, but also don't let others give her bad advice because they took a psych class at a community college. Hope this helps.


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[Spank818]

Obviously she trusts you enough to confide in you so don't break that by saying or doing something that might ruin that. I agree with what F2G says and seek out professional help. Be there with her since you're obviously her confidant until she finds a pro that she feels comfortable with. You are not equipped to deal with this and be truthful about it. Go to someone that deals with this as a profession rather than a gut feeling.

 

[Tmex]

Both extremely wise posts responding to your question Clay. Just want to add to F2G and Spanks thoughts by saying sometimes we as guys want to fix when sometimes women just want a sounding post. Listen to see if she truly is wanting help or just wants to let out some feelings. Sometimes even if a person needs it, they won't always accept professional help. And in some cases while we may not agree, we have to accept that and just be there to listen.

 

[mdbuschsr]

Best thing you can do is be a shoulder to cry on. When she is talking to you about it, make sure to be an "active listener". Meaning lean towards her slightly with an open posture (no crossed arms or legs). More often than not folks just need a sounding board. So if you feel an urge to reply, simply restate what she has said as a question. This way she knows you are listening, plus the act of restating what she has said in question form will help her think things through a little more and perhaps from a slightly different angle. In the end I would encourage her to get some professional help. Offer to go with her a few times if you can, and only if she wants you to.

 

[DevRickus]

My wife and I an recently had a miscarriage and it has completely devastated her. It has been really tough on both of us but more so on her because I havent really been able to think about it much because I am just trying to focus on her. Recently I suggested she go to a therapist and most importantly journaling and reading books on the subject. It is paramount that she, you're friend, realize that she is not alone. She needs to realize that there are other people that have gone through similar things in their life and how they have chosen to cope with them. Also journaling is something that has helped my wife the most. She is able to express her thoughts without the fear of being judged. Hope this info helps and if you need anything just shoot me a PM.


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[Jzier139]

My friend's dad left her at 3. 13 years later, she's finally opening up to me about it. I have no idea how to advise her. Any help guys?

My suggestion is like everyone else. The fact that she confided in you shows she's comfortable with you and trusts you. Your should limit for role as the person she comes to vent to, someone to listen and offer limited advice. Leave anything more than that to the professionals who have experience in dealing with family matter like this. Last thing you want to do, especially considering the fragile nature of this is to say something that would fracture your relationship and lessen the trust/comfort she has with you.

 

[DawgDaddy]

Really good advise here cc, you be there for her to vent when needed, but please guide her to a professional. As mentioned above, we as guys always want to fix things, it is just our nature, but we need to understand that we cannot fix everything in life. Be supportive and encouraging but move her to seeking the pro, that is the best thing you can do for her right now.

 

[Jzier139]

My wife and I an recently had a miscarriage and it has completely devastated her. It has been really tough on both of us but more so on her because I havent really been able to think about it much because I am just trying to focus on her. Recently I suggested she go to a therapist and most importantly journaling and reading books on the subject. It is paramount that she, you're friend, realize that she is not alone. She needs to realize that there are other people that have gone through similar things in their life and how they have chosen to cope with them. Also journaling is something that has helped my wife the most. She is able to express her thoughts without the fear of being judged. Hope this info helps and if you need anything just shoot me a PM.

Sorry to hear of your loss. Speak a lot to your character to share something so personal with the members just to help another. A close friend and co-worker of mine and his wife experienced the same grief last summer. It devastated her so much, mostly because they had trouble conceiving that when my wife became pregnant she completely pulled away from us. My wife was with her constantly when she miscarried (they live 40 mins away) driving down to her at all times during the day, talking on phone constantly etc. and now we barely hear from her. Our relationship with her husband, hasn't changed. Obviously I see him at work and he'll call to check in on my wife and her pregnancy but since their loss, his wife has completely cut us off because of her inability to be around pregnant women. It's almost as if she holds a hatred toward them for being able to have children when she cannot. Sucks because we lost a coupled friendship we were constantly with but I understand.
Anyway, sorry for the rant but my point was despite your own personal hurt, what she is going through is even deeper. Patience and understanding. Like I said above, that was last summer and my buddy is still dealing with it.

 

[DevRickus]

Thanks man. I know. I am just trying to be there for here and supporting her in whatever she wants to do. I didnt want to make this about me, just wanted to share some advice from personal experience and be of some help if possible.


Tap tap taparoo

 

[c_ault]

Unless she is engaging in destructive behavior my suggestion is to just be her friend by listening and comforting her when she needs it. Let her decide on her own if she wants to seek more qualified help.
If she is engaging in destructive behavior then she needs professional help as soon as possible.

 

[Sean]

Be a good friend and listen. Try not to "fix" anything. Sometimes folks just want a friend to be there for them and listen. She can speak to a counselor at school if need be. If it goes deep then that she can seek more professional help outside of school. I was a counselor for teens with serious behavioral and emotional problems in an inner city alternative high school. If you feel she is or will engage in any self-destructive behavior seek help for her immediately (talk to your folks), even if she begs you not to.