For those unaware I’m fighting against basically a form of cancer. For those that want to look into it it’s named Multicentric Castlemans Disease. It’s a cancer like illness that attacks your lymph nodes. It’s generally treated the same as cancer and I’ve been on an experimental medicine since spring of 2019. My doc told me it’s chemo in pill form and supposed to be easier on me. It’s at the no BS stage of trials where I pretty much know what it is, I’m not getting a placebo, and I have a good idea of the base side effects. I’ve dealt with pretty much every side effect you can have from all the skin peeling off my feet to all the skin peeling off of my mouth.
Easier on me? I’d hate to see the raw form. I’ve puked more in the last year than I have in my first 40 combined.
I have days that I cannot golf. It doesn’t mean I won’t try if I’ve scheduled it, but I know from the get go that any scoring is out so I may as well try to hit every shot. I’ll walk off the course knowing I hit a couple.
I have 12 current prescriptions and if you count the other meds I’ve tried the past year, it’s almost an infinite combo. I’ve found something that mostly works.
Today has been tough. My legs have hurt all day long. I have plenty of pain meds that I could take. They have baggage too and I won’t go there unless I have tears rolling down my face. I didn’t care for getting off of them after my accident and I don’t want a crutch. I won’t have a crutch. It’d be too damn easy, but I have zero desire to go there. None.
It sucks that I can’t trust myself to take something, but it’s a slippery slope. I don’t want to not have the option when I get a kidney stone and I know if I misuse them, it won’t be an option. They’ve scared me straight so to speak. But I can’t survive many days like today. My legs hurt. I’m not whining, just stating. For those that hurt, you know.
I’m counting down to January. I’ll either get good or bad news but I plan to relocate to a property I just acquired. It’s a beauty of a piece of land. Mountains on 3 sides, the ocean on the 4th. Salmon stream on one side, trout on the other (I think?? from the Realtor and survey plots). I’ll live out my days there. If news is good in January, I’ll delay it probably 10 years, I’m still relatively young at 42. If news isn’t good, I’m still going.
I plan to go up this spring regardless. There are no structures on property so I want to go up with my kids and pick out a spot to build on. From surveying satellite I already have the spot picked out but it’s an exciting adventure. I’ll be there either next year or in 10 or so. I want to see it this spring though. I need to.
When I move there I’ll be going there to live until I die. Whether that’s 1 year or 30, that’s the plot of land I’ll die at.
Makes those unsure drives to work a little more sure when you have a place you plan to go and die at. Not anytime soon hopefully, but....
It’ll be what it’ll be. I feel I’m winning this fight. I just don’t know if the will to fight on will be there if I have to face it again. Or anything similar. It’s 12:06 and I haven’t got out today (yesterday) at all. Nothing. I just have nothing in the tank right now.
Rather crude drawing, but it’s an approximate of where I’m heading. I’ll have to take float plane into the lake and head down via raft (and I do have stream access to the property)
I plan to build in the lower left of my crude drawing. Whatever I can float in and build in a season, that’ll be my home. Option B is more in the clearing but I’ll want water access within sightline.
Easier on me? I’d hate to see the raw form. I’ve puked more in the last year than I have in my first 40 combined.
I have days that I cannot golf. It doesn’t mean I won’t try if I’ve scheduled it, but I know from the get go that any scoring is out so I may as well try to hit every shot. I’ll walk off the course knowing I hit a couple.
I have 12 current prescriptions and if you count the other meds I’ve tried the past year, it’s almost an infinite combo. I’ve found something that mostly works.
Today has been tough. My legs have hurt all day long. I have plenty of pain meds that I could take. They have baggage too and I won’t go there unless I have tears rolling down my face. I didn’t care for getting off of them after my accident and I don’t want a crutch. I won’t have a crutch. It’d be too damn easy, but I have zero desire to go there. None.
It sucks that I can’t trust myself to take something, but it’s a slippery slope. I don’t want to not have the option when I get a kidney stone and I know if I misuse them, it won’t be an option. They’ve scared me straight so to speak. But I can’t survive many days like today. My legs hurt. I’m not whining, just stating. For those that hurt, you know.
I’m counting down to January. I’ll either get good or bad news but I plan to relocate to a property I just acquired. It’s a beauty of a piece of land. Mountains on 3 sides, the ocean on the 4th. Salmon stream on one side, trout on the other (I think?? from the Realtor and survey plots). I’ll live out my days there. If news is good in January, I’ll delay it probably 10 years, I’m still relatively young at 42. If news isn’t good, I’m still going.
I plan to go up this spring regardless. There are no structures on property so I want to go up with my kids and pick out a spot to build on. From surveying satellite I already have the spot picked out but it’s an exciting adventure. I’ll be there either next year or in 10 or so. I want to see it this spring though. I need to.
When I move there I’ll be going there to live until I die. Whether that’s 1 year or 30, that’s the plot of land I’ll die at.
Makes those unsure drives to work a little more sure when you have a place you plan to go and die at. Not anytime soon hopefully, but....
It’ll be what it’ll be. I feel I’m winning this fight. I just don’t know if the will to fight on will be there if I have to face it again. Or anything similar. It’s 12:06 and I haven’t got out today (yesterday) at all. Nothing. I just have nothing in the tank right now.
Rather crude drawing, but it’s an approximate of where I’m heading. I’ll have to take float plane into the lake and head down via raft (and I do have stream access to the property)
I plan to build in the lower left of my crude drawing. Whatever I can float in and build in a season, that’ll be my home. Option B is more in the clearing but I’ll want water access within sightline.
