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The dad joke thread

You know Tupac Shakur? Well I’m three-put for sure...
 
I often heard that ICY is the easiest word to spell in the English language. I see why!
 
Some things to ponder...
Why do they call them apartments when they are all stuck together?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

What color hair do they put on a bald man's drivers license?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If a turtle loses his shell is it homeless or naked?

If you are trying to fail, and you succeed, what result did you achieve?
 
Why did the can crusher quit his job?

Because it was too depressing.
 
There was a truck turned over today carrying Worcestershire sauce. The sheriff pull up to the accident and asked the deputy, “What happened here?” Deputy replied, “It‘s hard to say!”
 
With the Corona Virus Quarantine, I will only be telling inside jokes.
 
What kind of bread do lemons eat?

Sourdough.
 
what did the Ocean say to the beach?
Are you shore? I didn't sea it myself, but I heard the ocean greeted the beach with a high tide! Maybe he doesn't coral that much afterall.
 
My friend in Germany says that there has been panic buying of sausages and cheese . . .
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It's the Wurst Käse scenario
 
We ran out of toilet paper today and I had to use a newspaper! I guess you can say “the Times are rough!”
 
Here about the two guys who had a toilet paper race to see who could use the most toilet paper. They had a five minute time span.

At the end of the allotted time the two guys tied. The referee in charge called it a wipe!!!o_O
 
What do birds do when their Ikea furniture doesn't come with instructions?

They wing it.
 
What did the drummer name his twin daughters...?

Anna one...
Anna two.....!!
 
Why didn't earthlings show up to the party on Venus?

Bad atmosphere. o_O
 
A couple my Wife hit me with this morning. This staying at home has to end soon. :LOL:

I asked my Blonde friend to spell orange. She said "the fruit or the color"?

All out of Toilet paper so I started using newspapers. The Times are rough!
 
If you receive an email with “Knock, knock” as the subject, don’t open it!

It’s Jehovah’s Witnesses. They’re working from home during the quarantine period.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
 
While I haven't contributed to this thread, I must thank all of you who have. I enjoy reading these to my kids and getting groans of pain from them.
 
OGputtnfool said:
While I haven't contributed to this thread, I must thank all of you who have. I enjoy reading these to my kids and getting groans of pain from them.
Click to expand...

That's what I get from my kids when I tell them one. Mostly the reason I tell them is to get a rise out of my kids, whatever it might be. ;)
 
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?

A Thesaurus.
 
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