Where do cats go swimming?
In the kitty pool
In the kitty pool
The dad joke thread
What do you call a wedding in Russia? A "Soviet Union"!!! 
What do rabbits use after they wash their head with shampoo?
Hare conditioner.
Hare conditioner.
An old hippie drowned in the ocean over the weekend! They asked the life guard why he didn't save him? The life guard said, "He was far out, man!"
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
With a tuba glue.
My wife bought me a pair of orthotic shoes.
I did not think I needed them at first, but now I stand corrected.
I did not think I needed them at first, but now I stand corrected.
Have a friend Jack that communicates with legumes, so
Jack & the beans talk.
Jack & the beans talk.
What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing...they fast!
My wife asked me to clear the table after dinner. I needed a running start, but I made it!
I had a nightmare last night that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram! I woke up and was like, 0mg!
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Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
Because of his coffin.
Because of his coffin.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
I'll let you know
I'll let you know
What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A waist of time.
A waist of time.
Jesus walks into a bar with his disciples...
"Thirteen glasses of water, please!", Jesus said to the barman, winking at the others...
"Thirteen glasses of water, please!", Jesus said to the barman, winking at the others...
blueonblack
...tears on a river
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2020
- Messages
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What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
"I don't know and I don't care."
"I don't know and I don't care."
Why don't seagulls fly over the bay?
Because then they'd be called bagels.
Because then they'd be called bagels.
Do you know what the leading cause of dry skin is?
Towels
Towels
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear
A gummy bear
I told my suitcases there would be no vacations this year & now I'm dealing with emotional baggage.
I tripped over my wife's bra that was on the floor last night.
It was a booby trap.:laughing:
It was a booby trap.:laughing:
If Eric Clapton joined a 2000’s era rock band....would they be called Cream Korn?!
A man walks into a bar. Going up to the bartender, he sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. Confused, he asks the bartender, “what’s the deal with those?”
The bartender replies “if you can jump and grab both of them at the same time, one with each hand, you can have the bar. If you fail, you have to buy everyone a drink”
The bartender asks if he wants to give it a try.
The man thinks for a moment, then says “No, I’ll pass. The steaks are too high”
The bartender replies “if you can jump and grab both of them at the same time, one with each hand, you can have the bar. If you fail, you have to buy everyone a drink”
The bartender asks if he wants to give it a try.
The man thinks for a moment, then says “No, I’ll pass. The steaks are too high”
Did you here the one about this golfer who had just bought a new TM Truss putter?
The next day he put the Truss putter to the test during his round of golf.
After he was done he's sitting in the 19th Hole and having a beverage or two.
His buddy walks into the pub and asks his friend how the new putter worked?
The golfer replied, "I've found out I've got Truss issues". :laughing:
The next day he put the Truss putter to the test during his round of golf.
After he was done he's sitting in the 19th Hole and having a beverage or two.
His buddy walks into the pub and asks his friend how the new putter worked?
The golfer replied, "I've found out I've got Truss issues". :laughing:
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What do computers do when they get a hole in their shoe?
Reboot it.
Reboot it.
I have a broken marionette for sale, no strings attached.