The dad joke thread

fairwaynut

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I heard that there was a new store called Moderation.

They have everything there.
 

WICHITAREJECT

which ones are the senior tees?
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Borrowed from K-Love this morning:

Why do most of the service stations charge for air these days ??




INFLATION
 

fairwaynut

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How many 16 year olds does it take to change a light bulb?

"Whatever"
 

Reframmellator

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How many 16 year olds does it take to change a light bulb?

"Whatever"
So we're now going there, are we?

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but the light bulb has to REALLY want to change.
 

J.B. Cobb III

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My friend was really proud of his British heritage until he found out that his great grandfather was from Transylvania.

Now he can’t even look at himself in the mirror.
 

J.B. Cobb III

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My wife just threatened me that, “if I don’t get off of THP, she’s going to hit me with the keyboard!!!”
I really think she’s kid...ehjrdjufjiig835)?::466dgeeujbrs57:6&$577$)668$!!,sfgjdhuujhhuhjiutt36)8755)@/%*<!
 

fairwaynut

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I ate a clock yesterday.....

It was very time consuming.


What did the ax-murderer say to the judge?

It was an ax-ident.
 

fairwaynut

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Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?

He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
 

Scott F

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A woman took her dog to the vet. “Doctor, you have to help me. My dog won’t stop humping me.”
The doctor says, “No problem. We can neuter him and give him a shot”
She says, ”Oh no, that’s not what I had in mind. Can you just trim his nails and fix his breath?”
 

J.B. Cobb III

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A guy walks up to female cashier at a grocery store. He hands her a quart of milk, 6 eggs, and 3 bananas. The cashier says, “You must be single!” He replied, “That’s amazing! How did you know?!” She said, “Cause your ugly!”
 

fairwaynut

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What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing it just waved.
 

fairwaynut

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What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?

A remorse code.
 

J.B. Cobb III

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My ex-wife said she hopes I drowned in a deep hole full of water!
I know she means well!
 

J.B. Cobb III

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Dad, can you explain what a solar eclipse is...? No son!
 

J.B. Cobb III

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I had my picture taken with R.E.M.! That’s me in the corner!
 

fairwaynut

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What's an astronaut's favorite part of a computer?

The space bar.
 

J.B. Cobb III

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My wife after reading 50 Shades of Grey looks at me lustfully...
Wife: “I want you to undress me with your words!”
Me: “There’s a spider in your bra!”
 

fairwaynut

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What did the evil chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.

Thought about going on an all almond diet.

But that's just nuts. 🥴
 

J.B. Cobb III

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A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a bar. The rabbit says, “I think I’m a typo!”
 

fairwaynut

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Why did the walrus go to the Tupperware party?

He was looking for a tight seal.
 

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