The dad joke thread

fairwaynut

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Why don't thermometers go to college?

They already got multiple degrees.
 

blueonblack

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Never say you're going to "put something down" to a dog...
 

fairwaynut

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What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Between you and me something smells.
 

fairwaynut

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What washes up on very small beaches?

Microwaves. :p
 

blueonblack

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How many pollocks does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three. One to hold the light bulb, and two to turn the ladder. :eek:
 

J.B. Cobb III

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What did the instructor at the school for Kamikaze pilots say to his students?
Watch closely! I’m only going to do this once!
 

J.B. Cobb III

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A new strain of head lice is going around which is resistant to conventional treatments.
That has left scientists scratching their heads.
 

fairwaynut

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What do you call it when tropical trees start swaying in the wind?

The palm before the storm.
 

fairwaynut

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Teacher talking to his suicide bombing class as he works on a explosive device.

"You must very careful when assembling this device, because things could blow up on you here!"
 

blueonblack

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Q: Why did the idiot keep hitting it OB?
A: Because it felt so good when he stopped.
 

leftshot

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Q: How did Luke get to the 19th floor?
A: He used the Skywalker.
 

leftshot

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Why shouldn't you have a party on the moon?


No atmosphere....
The corollary to this is: There are no romantics on the moon. No atmosphere and there is no moon to gaze upon.
 

leftshot

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What do you call a knight who doesn’t like to fight? Sir Render
What do you call two knights, one who works the day shift and one that works grave yard? Knight and Day.
 

fairwaynut

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Today at the bank an old lady asked me to check her balance...........

So I pushed her over.
 

fairwaynut

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What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titantic?

Halfway.
 

J.B. Cobb III

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My therapist said I’m utterly incapable of showing any emotions! Can’t say I’m surprised.
 

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