The dad joke thread

[fairwaynut]

What do you call a funny mountain?

Hill-arious!!!

 

[donny475]

 

[donny475]

Lance is not a common name these days

But in Medieval times, people were named Lance a lot

 

[fairwaynut]

Why didn't Cheddar invite Swiss cheese to golfing?

He always gets a hole in one!

 

[Reframmellator]

I stopped at a Dunkin yesterday and complimented the associate on her face mask.

"It's a coughy filter," she said.

 

[donny475]

What do dogs float in the water?

Cause they are good bouys......

 

[fairwaynut]

Why is the letter "B" so cool?

Because it's sitting in the AC.

 

[donny475]

What Did the Drummer name his kids

Anna 1 Anna 2

 

[RealPretendPsychic]

Why is the letter "B" so cool?

Because it's sitting in the AC.

This feels like a dad joke doubling as a Bettinardi pun!

 

[UberPete]

Impotence. Nature's way of saying, "no hard feelings..."

 

[Snickerdog]

 

[Scott F]

Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.

 

[Scott F]

I saw someone stealing from the Apple store. I guess that made me an iWitness.

 

[Reframmellator]

Why did Steve Jobs wear turtlenecks?

Because blazers have too many buttons.

 

[J.B. Cobb III]

I invested every cent I have in a cannabis-fed cattle business. The steaks have never been higher!

 

[J.B. Cobb III]

I threw an engagement ring at my girlfriend, but she dodged out of the way! It was a near Mrs.!

 

[J.B. Cobb III]

Is my wife dissatisfied with my body? A tiny part of me says yes!

 

[J.B. Cobb III]

According to ancient Japanese lore, the color of a person’s aura changes changes right before they die. Cyan-aura!

 

[blueonblack]

You could sure tell that dog belonged to the news man....

Yeah? How so?

He really poured over the editorials.

 

[UberPete]

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine!

 

[fairwaynut]

Why was the laundry sent down to the minor leagues?

He was all washed up.

 

[UberPete]

A man's home is his castle... In a manor of speaking.

 

[J.B. Cobb III]

I was recently asked who my favorite vampire was. I said, “the muppet from Sesame Street.” They told me, “he doesn’t count!” “Oh...I assure you, he does!”

 

[fairwaynut]

What did the fish say when he hit the concrete wall?

"Dam!!!"

 

[UberPete]

I'm having Dijon Vu ... The same mustard as before.