The dad joke thread

TheDoctor

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A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark

So in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist
 

fairwaynut

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I've just written a new song about tortillas.

Actually it's more of a Rap.
 

Snickerdog

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Junkyard

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How much is a piercing for a pirate?

About a buccaneer
 

RayG

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I used to think that sticks and stones may break my bones, but words could never hurt me... until I fell into the printing press..
 

RayG

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He used to be a quiet, reserved guy... Then he made a spectacle of himself when he fell into the Lens Grinder.
 

J.B. Cobb III

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If April showers bring May flowers, What do May flowers bring? Pilgrims, they bring Pilgrims!
 

J.B. Cobb III

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I saw a microbiologist today. He was much bigger than I expected.
 

J.B. Cobb III

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What’s the worst thing about having a job at the unemployment office? If you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
 

J.B. Cobb III

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No more Suez Canal jokes! That ship has sailed
 

Reframmellator

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My wife and I decided to order out and have a nice quiet dinner at home. So when I came in with the food, I said, "Je t'adore!"

She said, "Shut it yourself!"
 

fairwaynut

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Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor.
What did one say to the other?
Dill with it!!!
 

J.B. Cobb III

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What happened when the cast of 'Friends' were stuck out at sea in a life raft? They were fine because Lisa Kudrow.
 

J.B. Cobb III

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I caught my son chewing on electrical cords. So I had to ground him. He's doing better currently. And conducting himself properly
 

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I caught my son chewing on electrical cords. So I had to ground him. He's doing better currently. And conducting himself properly
Good to see he's not resisting.
 

Reframmellator

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I was reading a new music history paper tonight in which the author argued that Johann Sebastian Bach frequented gentlemen's clubs, and one of his visits inspired his famous Air on a G String.
 

J.B. Cobb III

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J.B. Cobb III

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Just heard a man had an accident while playing peek-a-boo! He's currently in the ICU!
 

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bajapalm

it seems so simple..
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My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve.
 

fairwaynut

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What did the stamp say to the envelope?

Stick with me and we'll go places together.
 

bajapalm

it seems so simple..
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any
 

Snickerdog

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What do you call a jungle cat who can't hear?



Def Leapord.
 

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