What do you call a baby monkey?
A chimp of the old block.
A chimp of the old block.
The dad joke thread
It took Elmer Fudd to crack Forrest Gump's password, which is 1Forrest1.
How do you prevent 3 putts?
Make the first one.
Make the first one.
Everyone knows who Karl Marx is, but many people don’t realize that his sister is famous too! Marx’s sister, Onya, invented the starter’s pistol!
What do you call anxious dinosaurs?
Nervous Rex.
Nervous Rex.
I wanted to name my son Lance, but my wife said it was too uncommon.
I told her that in medieval days, people were named Lance a lot.
I told her that in medieval days, people were named Lance a lot.
3 years ago I married my best friend...
My girlfriend was angry but Dave and me thought it was hilarious!
My girlfriend was angry but Dave and me thought it was hilarious!
Can't remember who told me this, but someone mentioned to me that when you have to vacum the rugs, it really sucks!!!
People overcome adversity all the time... Look at Beethoven. They told him he was deaf! But, did he listen?!
- Joined
- Aug 22, 2019
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I asked the bank teller if they offered interest free banking.
She said, "Who cares!"
She said, "Who cares!"
I was watching an Australian cooking show the other day. The chef was making meringue, and once he finished, the audience all started cheering.
I thought it was strange since Australians normally boo meringue.
I thought it was strange since Australians normally boo meringue.
- Joined
- Aug 22, 2019
- Messages
- 510
- Reaction score
- 537
My friend is losing his mind over missing a piece of his 5000 piece puzzle.
If he thinks thats bad, I'm missing 4999 pieces
If he thinks thats bad, I'm missing 4999 pieces
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.
So I had to put my foot down.
So I had to put my foot down.
A Priest, a donkey and an Alien walk into a bar.
Bartender says: what is this, some kind of a joke?
Bartender says: what is this, some kind of a joke?
Saw a report that humans eat more bananas than monkeys... I thought, “yeah, I haven’t seen a human eating a monkey.”
What did the fried rice say to the shrimp?
Don’t wok away from me!
Don’t wok away from me!
What’s the most crunk place to go the bathroom?
the Lil Jon
the Lil Jon
What kind of sneakers do chickens wear?
ree-bawks!!
ree-bawks!!
What has more lives than a cat?
A frog because it croaks every night.
A frog because it croaks every night.
Nobody in Antarctica has COVID-19! Maybe it’s because they’re ice-olated?
I heard about a guy who once farted on a elevator.
It was said he was rude on so many levels. :laughing:
It was said he was rude on so many levels. :laughing:
Last night, I watched an interesting 1950s documentary on Olympic track and field judges, narrated by Ed Herlihy. The opening line hooked me:
"These are the souls that time men's tries."
"These are the souls that time men's tries."
A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar and ask for a drink
The bartender says, "OK, but I don't want you starting anything in here."
The bartender says, "OK, but I don't want you starting anything in here."
A guy walks into a bar and says, "Give me a Corona and a couple of Hurricanes."
The bartender says, "That'll be 2020."
The bartender says, "That'll be 2020."
I was so bored I read six pages of the dictionary! I learned “next to nothing”!