The dad joke thread

What do you call a baby monkey?

A chimp of the old block. :p
 
It took Elmer Fudd to crack Forrest Gump's password, which is 1Forrest1.
 
How do you prevent 3 putts?


Make the first one.
 
Everyone knows who Karl Marx is, but many people don’t realize that his sister is famous too! Marx’s sister, Onya, invented the starter’s pistol!
 
What do you call anxious dinosaurs?

Nervous Rex.
 
I wanted to name my son Lance, but my wife said it was too uncommon.
I told her that in medieval days, people were named Lance a lot.
 
Can't remember who told me this, but someone mentioned to me that when you have to vacum the rugs, it really sucks!!!
 
People overcome adversity all the time... Look at Beethoven. They told him he was deaf! But, did he listen?!
 
I was watching an Australian cooking show the other day. The chef was making meringue, and once he finished, the audience all started cheering.

I thought it was strange since Australians normally boo meringue.
 
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.

So I had to put my foot down.
 
Saw a report that humans eat more bananas than monkeys... I thought, “yeah, I haven’t seen a human eating a monkey.”
 
What did the fried rice say to the shrimp?

Don’t wok away from me!
 
What’s the most crunk place to go the bathroom?

the Lil Jon
 
What kind of sneakers do chickens wear?

ree-bawks!!
 
What has more lives than a cat?

A frog because it croaks every night.
 
I heard about a guy who once farted on a elevator.

It was said he was rude on so many levels. :laughing:
 
Last night, I watched an interesting 1950s documentary on Olympic track and field judges, narrated by Ed Herlihy. The opening line hooked me:

"These are the souls that time men's tries."
 
A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar and ask for a drink

The bartender says, "OK, but I don't want you starting anything in here."
 
A guy walks into a bar and says, "Give me a Corona and a couple of Hurricanes."

The bartender says, "That'll be 2020."
 
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