The dad joke thread

Why don't thermometers go to college?

They already got multiple degrees.
 
Never say you're going to "put something down" to a dog...
 
What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Between you and me something smells.
 
What washes up on very small beaches?

Microwaves. :p
 
How many pollocks does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three. One to hold the light bulb, and two to turn the ladder. :eek:
 
What did the instructor at the school for Kamikaze pilots say to his students?
Watch closely! I’m only going to do this once!
 
A new strain of head lice is going around which is resistant to conventional treatments.
That has left scientists scratching their heads.
 
What do you call it when tropical trees start swaying in the wind?

The palm before the storm.
 
Teacher talking to his suicide bombing class as he works on a explosive device.

"You must very careful when assembling this device, because things could blow up on you here!"
 
Q: Why did the idiot keep hitting it OB?
A: Because it felt so good when he stopped.
 
Q: How did Luke get to the 19th floor?
A: He used the Skywalker.
 
Why shouldn't you have a party on the moon?


No atmosphere....
The corollary to this is: There are no romantics on the moon. No atmosphere and there is no moon to gaze upon.
 
What do you call a knight who doesn’t like to fight? Sir Render
What do you call two knights, one who works the day shift and one that works grave yard? Knight and Day.
 
Today at the bank an old lady asked me to check her balance...........

So I pushed her over.
 
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titantic?

Halfway.
 
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