The dad joke thread

have you heard about the new restaurant called Karma?

There is no menu: You get what you deserve.
 
An old lady walked into the bank and asked me if I could help her check her balance. So I pushed her over.
 
How do dog catchers get paid?

By the pound.
 
My friend who went bald 20 years a go still carries and old comb around with him.........
He can't part with it
 
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What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ? Bernadette.
 
What do you say to a skeleton going on vacation?

Bone Voyage.
 
What was the name of the roundest Knight at King Arthur's table?

Sir Circumference.
 
Remember when getting Air at the gas station
was free?

now its 1.50? WHY




inflation
 
Shout out to whom ever created the word, "Plethora"


it means a lot
 
Two Blondes walk into a building........



you would have thought one of them would have seen it......
 
(At my boss’s funeral kneeling and whispering at coffin)
"Who's thinking outside the box now Gary?"
 
My wife tells me I have 2 major faults,
I don't listen - and something else.
 
Just found out my grandfather is addicted to Viagra. Nobody is taking it harder than my grandmother.
 
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

Because the Chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
 
What are the strongest days of the week?

Saturday and Sunday, because the rest are weak days.
 
Everyone knows Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother, Frank, is a monster!
 
Did you hear about the sensitive burglar?

He takes things personally.
 
What do you do with an elephant with 3 balls?

...you walk him and pitch to the rhino.


(Stolen from a scene from the old Hot Shots! movie with Charlie Sheen)
 
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