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The dad joke thread

My wife asked me, “Why don’t you treat me like you did when we were first dating!?”
So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents’ house.
 
I once entered the world kleptomaniac championships. I took gold, silver and bronze.
 
What did Adam say the day before Xmas?

It's Xmas Eve, :laughing::laughing::laughing:
 
I seriously enjoy this thread!
 
What did Adam say the day before Xmas?

It's Xmas, Eve.
 
Why does Santa have three Garden plots up at the North Pole?

So he can Hoe, Hoe, Hoe. :laughing:
 
Inspired by the Favorite Soda Thread #1

What's in a Royal Flush?

RC Cola and Prune Juice
 
Favorite Soda Thread #2:

What's a Phillips Screwdriver?

Vodka and milk of mangnesia
 
Mortgage officers have no friends. They’re loaners.
 
What did the bald headed man say when he received a comb for a present?

"Gee, I'll never part wit it."
 
I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.
 
16E66F97-10F6-42E1-8876-FFAC02902B10.jpeg
 
The past, present, and the future walk into a bar.

It was tense.
 
I caught my granddaughter chewing on an electrical cord.

I had to ground her.

She's doing a better job of conducting herself currently.
 
WICHITAREJECT said:
I caught my granddaughter chewing on an electrical cord.

I had to ground her.

She's doing a better job of conducting herself currently.
Click to expand...

I'll bet she got a charge outta that!!! :laughing:
 
Did you hear about the cross-eyed circumciser? He got the sack.
 
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said "You know, one would have been enough"
 
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a Flamingo, I had to put my foot down
 
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