The dad joke thread

Ok, last one...

Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels.
 
My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet...
It really made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe leannnnnnn....
 
I'm pretty proud of myself. I just finished a jigsaw puzzle that was labeled "3 to 5 years" on the box. It only took me a couple months!
 
What did Buddha say to the hot dog vendor? “Make me one with everything “
 
All Swedish battleships have a UPC code stamped on their hull. This helps when they return to port so they can Scandinavian.🇸🇪
 
 
How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? You look for the fresh prints.
 
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What weighs more? A gallon of water or a gallon of butane? Water. Butane is a lighter fluid.
 
Did you know Bruce Lee has a faster older brother? Sudden Lee.
 
My daughter wanted a bouncy castle for her birthday. The guy said the rental was $50, and the set-up fee was $1000 dollars.
I said, “That’s outrageous!” He just shrugged and said, “That’s inflation for you.”
 
would you forget me in a second? No
would you forget me in a minute? No
would you forget me in a hour?
would you forget me in a day? No
would you forget me in a month? No

Knock knock
Who’s there?

you forgot me already?
 
What do you call it when you mix alcohol and American Literature?

Tequila Mockingbird.
 
What did the janitor yell when she jumped out of the closet?

"SUPPLIES!!!"
 
I read up quite a ways and didn't see this one so I'm disappointed.

Q: Where do you keep all your dad jokes?

A: In a Dad a base.

Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk
 
My house got robbed and the only item missing was my limbo set! I thought to myself..how low can these guys go?
 
Did you hear about the man who fell into the upholstery machine?

He's fully recovered now.
 
When I was a small boy, my dad asked me as we were passing a cemetery, "How many do you think are dead in that cemetery?" I said, I didn't know but there must be many. He said, "All of them are dead."
 
Why can't pirates finish the alphabet? They get lost at C.
 
I've got some racing geese for sale.

Let me know if you want a quick gander.
 
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