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Worst movie EVER thread!

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I hated the Blair Witch Project. I saw after all the hype and people were saying how great it was. I was excited to see it. I am not sure whether it was my high expectations or the movie was just that bad, but I really hated it. Shaky camera work throughout, (I know they meant to), but just annoying. And no real scary moment to speak of. The end.... dissapointing to say the least. Just terrible!
 
This thread made me think of this review of Green Lantern that I recently read. The review needed some heavy editting for language. I apologize in advance if one got through.

The review is titled "Do you like movies about turd clouds?"

Welcome to the exact moment I regret promising to review the big four comic films of the summer because, power ring me in the anus, Green Lantern was bad. Granted, it’s not as completely horrific as most critics are having a field day making it out to be, I’m not about to get anywhere near Armond White-levels of contrariness and claim it’s as if the original Star Wars and Richard Donner’s Superman banged and made a green space baby, which is literally what the filmmakers have been trying to tout this thing as. (Looking at you, Geoff Johns.) If anything, this movie is just a notch above Ghost Rider which, coincidentally, is also getting a sequel because our country is a consumer sh__box of dumb where people just want to see shiny, moving lights, but more on that later. For now, let’s discuss how Warner Bros. spent $300 million on this thing, yet never stopped to think, “Wait, is the bad guy diarrhea? That can’t be right.”



NOTE: While I’ve been whiting out spoilers in past reviews, I have to summarize a few plot points, namely the end, for the sake of pointing out how retarded the entire premise of this movie is, but trust me when I say it’s absolutely nothing you won’t see coming a mile away.

The Sh__ That Worked:
- Blake Lively in a tight black dress.
- Blake Lively’s side-boob during the bar scene. (Watch closely, true believers!)
- Blake Lively’s face which is one of those spoilers I mentioned earlier, though I don’t think anyone saw this one coming. My bad.

The Sh__ That Kinda Worked:
- Ryan Reynolds gets a lot of flak for essentially being Ryan Reynolds, but to his credit, he did the best anyone could’ve done with the material he was given, and that includes the oft-geek-fellated Nathan Fillion. Absolutely nothing that went wrong with this movie was his fault, but I hope to God he at least apologized to the troops after they were forced to watch it on Thursday. Those people go through f___ing hell, and this is the thanks they get? It’s a miracle they haven’t revolted and overthrown the government yet.
- Blake Lively’s acting. I went into this movie fully expecting her to give a wooden performance based on the locker room scene in the trailer, but like Ryan Reynolds, she does the best she can with what she’s got which shouldn’t be surprising considering she was decent in The Town. More importantly, she was “allegedly” involved in a naked photos scandal conveniently before Green Lantern’s release, and I don’t want to give young Hollywood actresses the idea that this tactic doesn’t work like gangbusters. On that note, “Blake Lively’s performance should make any actress ‘green’ with envy,” is how I want to be quoted in the trades.
- The obligatory romance. Even with the entire movie drowning in a sh__ cloud around her, Blake Lively’s Carol Ferris was actually a more organic – and hotter, way, way hotter (Again, naked pics will get you everywhere here.) – love interest than Natalie Portman: Astrophysicist in Thor and especially Rose Byrne in X-Men: First Class who I still believe Professor X just teleki-roofied off-camera.

The Sh__ That Shat:
- The CGI. How the hell do you spend $300 million and wind up with scenes where it looks like Ryan Reynolds disembodied head is floating in front of a cartoon, and the ultimate galactic force of evil is a turd cloud with yellow fog? At some point during test footage, no one realized, “Sh__, we made a live-action version of The Poop That Took a Pee?” Because I find that hard to believe.
- Anyone in the Green Lantern Corps who isn’t Sinestro. “Hey, it’s that really important guy from the comics, and that other really important guy from the comics! And, now, they’re gone after two words.” If you’re a Green Lantern fan, get ready for that.
- The entire f___ing movie. Let me just sum up the whole plot: Despite inexplicably being one of the best fighter pilots around even though he crashes planes by thinking about his dad dying right in the middle of complex aerial maneuvers, Ryan Reynolds is chosen by a green ring powered by harvesting the entire universe’s willpower (Yup.) to join an elite group of alien species protecting the galaxy, making him the first human bestowed with such an honor. He goes to “train” with them for all of 15 seconds, says “F___ this, I quit,” returns to Earth for wacky hijinks, has the most shark-jumpingest superhero introduction that the movie never recovers from and then let’s everyone around him know his secret identity as soon as possible. At that point, the diarrhea monster sets his sights on Earth, so Ryan Reynolds flies back into space and basically strolls right up to the millennia-old, practically omnipotent high council of Guardians who spend the whole movie trying to defeat the planet-eating turd cloud with an entire army of Green Lanterns and says “Hey, I know I just quit all that training earlier and didn’t listen to a f___ing word anyone said, but what if I just believe in myself?” And it f___ing works. That’s it. That’s the f___ing ending. Ryan Reynolds saves the day because he just believes he’s awesome. Apparently, every single one of the thousands of other alien species wielding the same exact ring have self-esteem issues. Space dads must walk out more than Earth dads, I guess.

Obviously, I’m not going to recommend anyone see this this unless I hate you. Even if you’re a die-hard fan of the comics, I’m hesitant to say wait for it on Netflix. Which brings me to another point, Joey Esposito over at IGN Comics agrees this movie isn’t that good, but still thinks it’s awesome because fans are finally seeing a Green Lantern movie anyway. Are you f___ing kidding me? That’s how these studios win. When you just lie down and go, “At least I get to see some d___head dressed up like my favorite superhero,” that’s how we end up with movies based on board games and basically anything with brand recognition, so just assume breakfast cereals are next. That said, I actually went into my local comic shop right after seeing Green Lantern, and just mentioning it caused people to look at the ground like I caught them masturbating outside a day care. So, fortunately not every fanboy is going, “Whoopee! Moving pictures of stuff I like!”

Rating: [Insert whatever number best represents me honestly debating if Daredevil was a better movie here.]
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Link Can Be Found Here - Careful the site can sometimes be NSFW
 
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A few of the worst movies that I have seen:

Taxi Driver (yeah i know, a classic)
Human Centipede
Pervert (was actually hilarious, but absolutely terrible)
Contact
Black Swan
Clash of the Titans


K...Ill get off my soap box now. :D
 
Ive fallen asleep once in the theaters, so Im guessing that is my worst movie of all time.

Dont know the whole title, but it was like Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy or some crap like that, my wife (girlfriend) at the time wanted to see if. AWFUL
 
Cracker Jacked - So terrible, I can't even find a movie review.
Santa With Muscles (Hulk Hogan) -
images

The Life Aquatic - Fell asleep in the theater
The American (George Clooney) - A snore fest with about 5 minutes of action in the entire movie.
 
The American starring George Clooney
The Informant
Resevoir Dogs
 
CG_Fan_GC said:
The American starring George Clooney
The Informant
Resevoir Dogs
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HUSH YOUR MOUTH!!!! LOL I forgot about The Informant. That was pretty bad. Adventureland is another one that was atrocious.
 
Any movie based on a bad late 60's through 70's tv series (Charlie's Angels, SWAT, Dukes of Hazard, Beverly Hilbillies)
 
Caddyshack II
The Box (Cameron Diaz)
 
200 cigarettes.
 
Mardin said:
I'm with DevRickUS on this one. Amazing movie..!
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To each his own I guess. I heard how great it was, I watched it, and I'm still waiting for the amazing part....It's been like 3 years now.:D
 
I know Caddyshack 2 is on the list already but I have to add it again due to it being so bad
 
A.I. Artificial Intelligence was the worst movie I ever saw... especially considering the cast and it was a Spielberg film!
 
All4's said:
That is the kind of candid review I can get behind. Priceless.
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Thank you for agreeing with me that that review is fantastic, and probably much more enjoyable than the movie.
 
So I like the movie I AM LEGEND. I knew that Charlton Heston starred in a movie based on the same book in the 70's called THE OMEGA MAN. It was terrible. It had to be one of the cheesiest movies of all time, and not just normal 1970's cheese. It was so bad it was insulting that they thought anyone would sit through it, but sit through it I did anyway. You get to a point where your amused at how bad it is and how bad the production value was. I kept watching to see just how horrible it could get. I almost turned it off when the stunt man riding a motorcycle looked nothing like Heston. I mean come on. At least make him have the same color of hair.
 
I watched Sleuth with Jude Law and thought it's the worst movie I have ever seen. I could barely sit through to the end of the movie. Lame
 
EVERY movie with Jason Statham
 
I absolutely hated Chevy Chase's movie Funny Farm, it wasn't funny to me.
 
Jacob Robertson said:
Dude, Pulp Fiction is awesome!! You Canadians are weird. And left handed.

Hangover 2 was freaking awful. Just bad.
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I just saw Hangover 2 last night. I wanted to like it, and on some levels I did, but it was THE EXACT SAME MOVIE AS THE FIRST ONE!! It even had the same plot points! So disappointed! I expected more from these guys.

And yes, Pulp Fiction is awesome.
 
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