Your favorite Golf joke!

ShootzGolf

Member
Albatross 2020 Club
Joined
Nov 22, 2019
Messages
58
Reaction score
35
Location
Canada
Handicap
12
Post em if you've got em. Here's mine"

Guy playing golf with his wife. On the 3rd hole, a par 3, his drive goes off to the right and lands by a barn. Looking at his next shot, realizes he has no good options when his wife says “hey, if I open both barn doors you can hit it through the barn and have a clear shot to the green!” She opens the doors. He sets up and hits a horrible shot, the ball ricochets off the barn door, hits his wife, and kills her.
Five years later he’s playing with his new wife, at the same hole, and his drive again goes off to the right and lands in the same spot by the barn. Standing by his ball, he’s slowly shaking his head when his new wife says, “ hey, what if I open the barn doors ....?,” No,” he cry's, “last time I tried that I took a 7”.
:p
 

Tevenor

Go BoSox!
Albatross 2020 Club
Joined
Nov 17, 2019
Messages
179
Reaction score
179
Location
Rochester, NY
Handicap
9.4
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man then "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
 

Reframmellator

Well-known member
Albatross 2019 Club
Joined
Feb 11, 2016
Messages
3,559
Reaction score
94
Location
Ballston Lake, NY
Handicap
26.1
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer have a standing tee time at the local muni. One week, they decide to try a semi-private course one town over. They hit their tee shots and have waited 45 minutes for the group on the first green when a marshall comes by. He interrupts their complaints with, "You guys must be new here. You see, that group is made up of volunteer firefighters. Three years ago, our clubhouse caught fire. Those four guys helped to save the building, but they lost their sight. So we gave them free golf here for life after that, and our regulars know the whole story and are OK with that. I'm sorry -"

The priest interrupts, "No, I'M sorry for being upset. I'm going to check with the diocese and see whether there's any help we can offer them."

The doctor says, "My med school roommate chairs the opthamology department at Johns Hopkins. I'll give him a call and see if there's anything they can do."

The engineer says, "Why can't they play at night?"
 
Last edited:

pattyboy21

Well-known member
Albatross 2019 Club
Joined
Nov 12, 2014
Messages
2,094
Reaction score
105
Location
Humble, TX
Handicap
2.6
A "Rock Hudson Putt": it looks straight, but it ain't...
 

baylrballa

Fantasy Football is Dumb
Albatross 2019 Club Albatross 2020 Club
Joined
Apr 8, 2019
Messages
1,259
Reaction score
579
Location
Waco
Handicap
11
"I can clear that with a 3 wood"
 

millsan1

From Duffer to OK to ????
Albatross 2019 Club Albatross 2020 Club
Joined
Jul 16, 2018
Messages
1,991
Reaction score
914
Location
Eastern PA
Handicap
15.1
A businessman goes to China for a business trip.
He is a day early, so he goes out to entertain himself. Has a nice meal, few drinks and decides ot visit a lady of the evening.
During his encounter with the lady, she shouts "Gam Bai! Gam Bai!" the entire time he is doing his business. He believes this to be shouts of encouragement.
The next day, he has his business meeting and he and the client decide to go play golf to celebrate their deal.
On the first hole, the client scores a birdie. "Gam Bai!" says the businessman.
The client looks confused and says "what do you mean "wrong hole?""
 

LLIB

LLIB = BILL
Albatross 2019 Club Albatross 2020 Club
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,692
Reaction score
808
Location
Middle of Nowhere
Handicap
Life
My swing
 

robrandalgz

AKA skinsccalper
Albatross 2019 Club Albatross 2020 Club
Joined
Jun 13, 2017
Messages
1,999
Reaction score
643
Location
White Mountains of AZ
Handicap
22.6
A husband and wife are having dinner and the discussion turns to their mortality and what each would do in the event that the other would pass. The wife asks "Would you get married again if I go first"? "I think I eventually would" he replies. "Would you pick a lady that plays golf" she continues. "Oh, absolutely", he says. She then asks "Well, would you let her use MY clubs"? "Oh heck no"! he retorts. "Well, why not"? she asks. "Because she's left handed".
 

Phil75070

Well-known member
Albatross 2019 Club Albatross 2020 Club
Joined
May 18, 2014
Messages
3,519
Reaction score
175
Location
DFW (McKinney)
Handicap
GHIN 4.1
I was playing with a guy when we came to a par three over water. He proceeded to put two sleeves of brand new ProV1’s in the water. I said to him, “Why don’t you hit an old ball?” He said, ”I’ve never owned one!”
 

Junkyard

Member
Joined
Jul 15, 2012
Messages
219
Reaction score
9
Location
Brantford, Ontario
Handicap
7.6
Two golfers (let's call them John and Dave) are playing against each other for some money; they agree prior to teeing off that everything will be played as it lies. A couple of holes in John's golf ball winds up on the cart path. About to reach down to pick it up, Dave says "not so fast - gotta play it as it lies" and smiles to himself.

John scowls and mutters under his breath but trudges back to the cart to get a club. Walking back over to his ball, he begins to take multiple practice swings, each time the club head contacts the cart path sparks fly. After about a half dozen swings he finally hits his approach, which lands about 2 feet from the pin and stops.
"What a shot!" exclaims Dave. "What club did you use?"

"Your seven iron" replies John.
 

leftshot

Remember to smile
Joined
Dec 23, 2015
Messages
2,430
Reaction score
107
"Golf is a fun game."
"How do you know?"
"Every ball is full of dimples."
 

Bunker Snot

hoping for Grandaddy 2020
Albatross 2019 Club Albatross 2020 Club
Joined
Jan 3, 2018
Messages
396
Reaction score
161
Location
Eugene, OR
Handicap
21
A guy takes a trip to Scotland to play the old course. He walks up on the first tee and slices his drive out of bounds. There are a couple of locals watching next to the first tee and the guy turns to them and says "guess i'm playing a mulligan" He takes a couple of practice swings and asks the locals what they call a mulligan in Scotland, the locals look at each other and say "playin 3"
 
Last edited:

Welcome to The Hackers Paradise

Don't just play golf, live it!

Register Log in
Top