Getting a significant other more involved in the game

gmiller598

Par 3 Net Zero
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Hey all,

How has everyone handled getting a significant other involved in the game? My girlfriend is interested in the game and has taken some lessons and goes to the driving range with me but she's been very slow to pick up the fundamentals of the swing, doesn't hit the ball very far, and she is afraid to go play on a course with other people.

We are in the planning stages for a summer vacation that takes us near a top notch course that we are considering trying to play while we are there. This may be a once in a lifetime opportunity to play so I don't want to pass it up if we can but I also don't want her to be overwhelmed by playing a course like this.

Any thoughts? I'd like to be able to get her out on a course more often. I know one of her teachers suggested just going and playing with me and just playing from wherever I play from regardless of where her ball goes so she doesn't feel like she's slowing me or anyone else down.
 
She will be overwhelmed by that world class course.

I do a variation of what your instructor suggested with my wife and kids - we don't keep score, we pick their ball up if necessary, we tee the ball from anywhere in the fairway, employ generous use of foot wedges to get the ball in play or have easier lies...basically de-emphasize score and skill and replace that with the experience, sharing time together, etc.
 
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Getting her on the course is important, I would recommend some twilight times, course is quiet, and you guys can do what ever feels right. As far as the upscale course I would play that by ear. If she feels comfortable when playing some rounds with you prior to then go for it. If she's concerned with slowing people down then, she can always pick up and move the ball up with you. The goal is to have a fun and stress free day on the golf course. Score won't matter as long as you guys are having fun.
 
Take her to a little local par 3 and follow what tequila4kapp said. She'll enjoy it more. She won't have to hit big distances and at the same time you get short game practice.
 
I agree with 100% with tequila and t2Grn. My advice...play the course by yourself. I do that all the time on vacation and both of us stay happy...and together.

My wife and I play par 3 courses...where she gets unlimited mulligans and can pick up and play wherever she wants....and we never keep score. She loves the golf gear and exercise....which I encourage as I like the same thing. A lot of times I end up pushing her cart and just walking with her.
 
I'll echo the other's thoughts here. Make it about fun and not keeping score. As she improves keep score, but it should always be about the time more than the golf. And if she's not comfortable playing on a nice course let her sit in the hot tub, or go shopping, or just ride along with you. Forcing an issue (especially one that doesn't matter in the big picture) never works well.
 
Take her to a little local par 3 and follow what tequila4kapp said. She'll enjoy it more. She won't have to hit big distances and at the same time you get short game practice.

I agree completely with this, the par three was a godsend for my wife getting confidence on the course. As for the world class course unless she is really ready for it I would maybe just have her ride along. You don't want to discourage her with a very difficult round early on in her career.
 
Also, be her spouse and playing partner, not her instructor.

When she gets frustrated I am quick to point out that golf is hard for everyone...look around, how many good golfers do you see?...that's why I practice so much (and I'm still not good), etc. Basically, decompress her stress with a little reality check.
 
I hit the range a few times with my wife and once she started get past the frustration of not hitting the ball well she started to do really well.
 
I enjoy taking my wife and son, (he is 10) but he is only good for about 3-5 holes. So we play until they are bored or tired and then call it a day. Patience is the key when on the course. Lots of driving range time and putting green time.. We always have a contest on the putting green and it makes it fun for all of us. A lot of times after they are done I will go play 9 by myself, it helps only being 5 minutes from the course.
 
I do a variation of what your instructor suggested with my wife and kids - we don't keep score, we pick their ball up if necessary, we tee the ball from anywhere in the fairway, employ generous use of foot wedges to get the ball in play or have easier lies...basically de-emphasize score and skill and replace that with the experience, sharing time together, etc.

I definitely agree. Play when the course is not crowded so there is nobody else in your group and regularly drop balls for second hits when the first goes astray. Don't always start on the front tee box (on some courses there are "junior" tees up further in the fairways and may be good to use) and set up for shots away from hazards which you know she will not be able to clear. Key is to have fun, keep it moving and have her feel like any particular shot doesn't matter and it is all a learning experience. If she is getting frustrated or wants a break, encourage her to take a hole or two off while you play. Don't do too much teaching on the course and just focus on a couple of things that you were working on with her on the range.

I've done this with my wife and it seems to work pretty well to get her out on the course now and again. Most of the time she will just ride around with me and our 10yr old son and watch. Hopefully over the course of this summer I can convert it to more playing of holes and less riding along.
 
I've had a set of clubs for my wife for a few years now and she's literally, never touched them. I've only seen her swing maybe twice. I've mentioned to her that I'd like her to go out with me and try, but she doesn't seem to want to. In the past, she's said she won't because quote: "I'm to good" and "I'll embarrass myself and you." To which I deny both of those statements and say how much I'd love for her just to come out and try. PLUS, if our two girls see Mom maybe taking a liking to it, maybe they will, too?

So, I'm not going to be much help as it looks like your GF is giving it more of a chance than my wife ever has since we have been together.

Good luck!
 
Getting her on the course is important, I would recommend some twilight times, course is quiet, and you guys can do what ever feels right. As far as the upscale course I would play that by ear. If she feels comfortable when playing some rounds with you prior to then go for it. If she's concerned with slowing people down then, she can always pick up and move the ball up with you. The goal is to have a fun and stress free day on the golf course. Score won't matter as long as you guys are having fun.
A great time to get some golf in, in a very casual environment.

And above all else, make sure to keep it fun!!!
 
My wife has taken a few lessons but is very easily intimidated by other golfers and self conscious of people watcher her swing. We go to the range at slow times and get on the course at off peak times. We have a par 3 near us and that takes the edge off having to hit far and it's full of beginners as well. We chip balls around our yard and have fun which really helps her confidence. She tells me I can upset her because I look so serious so I try to be aware of my outlook and emotions. She picks up whenever she feels frustrated on a hole and sometimes just drops her ball by mine to shorten the hole for her. Two of the biggest tips I can give are only she can judge when she is having fun so proceed accordingly and only give help if it is asked for. It can be difficult to hold your tongue when she is struggling but I learned the hard way. She still doesn't play often but I appreciate her interest in something so important to me.
 
It has taken quite some time for my wife to warm up to the idea of playing. She expects to be good at things very quickly and golf is just not that way. We have gone to the range a few times and she has hit some balls in the yard with the kids. She has already enrolled in some lessons at our home course this spring. It is a package of introductory group lessons they offer for women. My best advice is try not to be the one giving the instruction and to see if she has friends who golf or find a small group lesson environment with other women if possible to make her feel more comfortable.

As far as playing a great course, I would just explain that it is a cool opportunity and that her score doesn't matter. Have her shamble when it makes sense, take plenty of mulligans etc.
 
Get her some exposure to THP. It honestly works. Just keep her unaware of the "What golf stuff did you buy today" and "Equipment Pondering" threads
 
Get her some exposure to THP. It honestly works. Just keep her unaware of the "What golf stuff did you buy today" and "Equipment Pondering" threads

Taking her to a couples THP event will certainly help.
 
Also, be her spouse and playing partner, not her instructor.

When she gets frustrated I am quick to point out that golf is hard for everyone...look around, how many good golfers do you see?...that's why I practice so much (and I'm still not good), etc. Basically, decompress her stress with a little reality check.

This is great advice. My only other advice is that if you think she won't be ready for this word class resort (which she most likely won't be) take the money from the greens fee and buy her some time at the spa (if she enjoys that type of thing) and go play solo.
 
Get her some exposure to THP. It honestly works. Just keep her unaware of the "What golf stuff did you buy today" and "Equipment Pondering" threads

Honestly, she knows everything I buy. I've been a bit of a club ho recently but I now think I've finally got some. stuff I'm happy with.
 
I'll see how she wants to handle it. I think she really wants to be able to play the course and just enjoy the nature aspect of it. The golf won't be the main focus of the vacation but definitely could be something we could enjoy in the area. We had talked about being able to take vacations and playing as part of them. I'm not a top notch player by any means. I'm just hoping I can help her get to the point that she can hold her own.
 
One of the things that helped me out when first getting my wife comfortable on the course was simply to have her come along with me and get the routine down. Go into the shop, get my gear together, spend time on the putting green, get on the range, then tee it up. After that, I knew that she could drive the ball about 150 yards, so the the first dozen or so times we played together, we would tee her ball up from 150 yards away or inside. I would work on my short game and just enjoy the fact that my bride was out with me doing something I love. After playing, we always go get ice cream or something like that too, just for an extra date feel. Works great with the kiddos too.
 
This is great advice. My only other advice is that if you think she won't be ready for this word class resort (which she most likely won't be) take the money from the greens fee and buy her some time at the spa (if she enjoys that type of thing) and go play solo.

That's what I did for my wife when we went to San Diego a couple of years ago. I played golf and she got the full spa treatment. We were both happy.
 
Low pressure situations and go at times when the course isn't packed. Allow people to play through so she doesn't feel like she's holding people up. If she likes lessons allow the teacher to do the heavy lifting on getting better and just practice together. I stay out of it and she's a lot happier with me.
 
My wife's going to try and get out this year with me and our 4 year old son. We'll probably start at the range and then just do a par 3 course. Or a local muni when it's not busy. Plan will be to just go out and have fun. Won't keep score. Probably pick up and drop balls when we feel like it. They'll have just as much fun driving the cart around. My wife isn't that good, but has played in scrambles. It's been at least 5 years, and she has no clubs, so I'll be looking to get her a set. Biggest thing is just to encourage her and make sure you're all clear on the objective (for us it will be family fun).
 
My wife became interested in two ways - firstly I watched a lot on TV and being Australian she supports anyone Australian so following Jason Day, Scott and others during events became her thing. Then she started coming out on Sundays when I was practicing and chipped or putted around the greens. Kind of got herself into it through her own means and now plays Sundays when we get time together. She's 27 and I'm 28 so we've both had the issue the at our club there isnt a huge number of comp players our age so generally she hasn't gotten into comp but wants to, just needs to find a group where she feels comfortable.
 
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