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Lack of confidence

L

Lost Golfer

Working on trying to improve
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Handicap
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I have posted on here numerous times requesting help on individual problems I am having like swaying, hitting low smothered hooks, etc. I have finally come to the realization that I am running around putting band aids on small problems instead of confronting the real problem ..... lack of confidence. Ten years ago I was a decent golfer with a 14 handicap. Now I’m a 26 and a bad 26 at that. I face every round hoping for a good round but in the back of my mind knowing that bad shots and disaster will strike at anytime. I’m defeated before I begin. It’s very frustrating. I take lessons to try and improve, hit it great on the range and then go to play and BAM here it comes. I look for excuses to not play because I don’t want to put myself through it and em rasa myself. It’s not fun and I want to look forward to playing like I used to. I’m in my 60’s now and back in my 20’s and 30’s was a real good baseball player as well as a pretty good basketball player. Now I feel as I athletic as they come. I play with guys who are very unathletic and they outperform me every time. My question is this .... how can you gain confidence if you fail almost every time? I need to start to build confidence. I’m sure it will take time but I need to start enjoying the game again. Any suggestions to help? Thanks!
 
As a lifetime high handicapper (I've only broken 90 three time in my 30+ years of playing golf.), I can understand the feeling. In fact, I've had it countless times. The way I have overcome it (as much as one can realistically) is to first accept your game as what it is.

There's an idea in Zen Buddhism that states, generally, that mental pain comes from the dissonance of what reality is, and what we feel reality should be. To limit this mental pain, you must accept reality as what it is.

That being said, I ask a question: is it OK to not be good at something? The answer is "Yes", of course. Can you not be good at something and still get enjoyment from it? The answer is "Yes" again.

I know that a bad shot is waiting to happen. I know the disaster is out there, patiently waiting for me to arrive. And I also know that I understand and accept it. A bad shot is nothing more or less than a bad shot. Hit a bad shot? Well, go punch it out and hit a better one.

Golf truly is a game of one shot at a time, and you must accept that.

You must also accept the reality of where you are, and not compare it to the Lost Golfer of yore. You are not that golfer anymore. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

You cannot fail in golf. You can only hit each shot as well as you can in the micro-slice of time. The only thing you can fail at is meeting your expectation of a number.

Adjust your expectations, and hit each shot as well as you can, and then hit the next one.
 
You have to find a way to mentally get over the hump and have fun. When I learned to do this, that is when I was able to become better and get to where I presently am. I know it sounds easy, and it is not, but it is possible. Don't try so hard that the round is ruined after 3 holes.
 
Go to the course with no expectations and probably also play some rounds where you don’t keep score. Then on the course don’t get frustrated or upset at a bad shot but accept it and say ok now I will execute my next shot.

Read Dr. Bob Rotellas books
 
emart2173 said:
Go to the course with no expectations and probably also play some rounds where you don’t keep score. Then on the course don’t get frustrated or upset at a bad shot but accept it and say ok now I will execute my next shot.

Read Dr. Bob Rotellas books
Click to expand...

I second the Bob Rotella books. I'm currently reading "Golf Is Not A Game Of Perfect". Very apropos to your post actually.
 
The best golfers in the world hit bad shots. of course, their bad shot looks like one of our good shots.

The idea is to be able to play your misses.
 
After a year and a half my tee game is a mess!
Slowly coming back, but man it’s frustrating right now!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
I like Hammy's approach - you can't compare yourself to that 14 handicapper, so don't try to.

First things first - Bad shot ≠ disaster. You're putting too much pressure on yourself there.

If you are looking to build confidence, playing to 26 a few times without getting in too much bother makes most sense as a step 1, and taking those shots into account - especially after a bad one - will change your mindset. It sounds like you are trying to play to 14, but errors and bad shots mean you are only getting to 26.

26 is a shot on every hole, plus another on SI 1-8...so why not play them that way? You don't have to necessarily play holes the way you used to, especially if that way makes you play shots with which you have least comfort. You've got the shot(s) in the back pocket, don't give them away.

Think about this - a 350yard par 4, play 3/4 swings on a 6i, followed by either a 7i or 8i or whatever, and leave yourself (at least) 3 shots to get down from about 50 yards to play to your handicap? That's immediately less stressful, no?

You are only talking about building confidence remember - doing that several times a round would both
a) take pressure off you to over hit, and
b) work on your short game/scrambling

Just my take on it, of course - good luck however you decide to go
 
Learned a beautiful idea/saying from Brazilian Jiujitsu - there is no losing in BJJ. You either win, or you learn. I've taken that concept to golf, and it's helped tremendously. i also know that the bad shot is just a bad shot. The next shot will be better - punch it out to the fairway, and have another go.

And when you're having one of "those" rounds, meh, just throw away the scorecard, or turn it over, or tuck it in your golf bag. Forget about the score, and just have fun. If you have regular playing partners, strike up a conversation about something NOT golf, and take your mind off it.
 
the mindset needs to be different, you need to know the bad shots are coming, even as a 14 handicap, it is how you react to them that is more important. I started to enjoy the game a lot more when I realised that the bad shots were simply part of the game and started considering them as a learning opportunity instead of fearing them.
 
A lot of good advice here already. Most of the posters here are active posters from the breaking-100 thread like me so we are familiar with your struggle.

I think you just need to start playing golf without worrying about the score. You focus on hitting a good shot (singular) rather than hitting a good hole or a good score. Build your strength in a specific area to start. Look forward to atleast that part of the game during your round. Use your confidence in that area as something to look forward to during a hole. One bad shot most definitely does not mean a blown hole. One blown hole does not mean its going to be a bad round.
 
You've already been given some really good advice. The only thing I would add is to break down things in small pieces. Golf is a game of managing misses. You're doing some things okay. The shot may not turn out how you like it but look at the smallest parts from preshot routing to follow-through to identify what you did well and focus and build on that.

A while back I had no confidence in some new wedges. I'd hit them okay when I went to the range but like squat on the course. I found some time when the course was slow and used my round to practice wedges. I'd play a ball off the tee but hit 2 or 3 balls from several different wedge yardages to the green - full and half shots, chips, pitches, what have you. I made myself take each shot as I would a regular shot rather than just rake balls over and hit them. If I started the ball on line, whether struck well, chunked or bladed, I made a note of it. If I hit it well but didn't have the right yardage, I focused on the good strike. And so on. Whatever positive I could find, I made a mental note. Since then, I've looked forward to pulling the wedges because I know I'm going to have a decent to good result.

Best to you.
 
You are still out there doing what a lot of folks your age no longer have the energy or the desire to. You are still active and trying to enjoy the beauty of being outside. Lay down the weight of self doubt and stop beating yourself up about a bad shot, just enjoy that you are outside probably with other guys and gals and have fun.

But I also might have to read that Dr's books. Golf is hard there will be bad shots and there will hopefully be some good shots, but its better than doing nothing!

Hopefully the rambling makes sense its been a long morning
 
Thank you to all of you who responded with suggestions and ideas. I will start to read Golf Is Not a Game of Perfect. I will also try to change my attitude by accepting the bad shots and try to learn from them. I know I need to slow down and be a little more deliberate, not race through my shots after I hit a bad one and compound the problem. I do that a lot now, turning 6’s into 8’s. I guess I just got myself into a bad frame of mind with a “here I go again” attitude instead of focusing and trying to get out of the trouble in as few shots as possible.
 
Dr. Rotella and the great Harvey Penick would probably tell you to start by changing your THP name to something positive (e.g., "found golfer," "ascending golfer," "I love golf golfer"). :act-up: Mr. Penick believed so much in the power of positivity, he would never use "no" or any other negative when teaching his students. Instead of saying "don't do that," he'd say "try this." Maybe give his Little Red Book a read too. Stay positive, keep working, and you'll get there!
 
I had this a month ago and it sucked but at the same time refreshing. I puked up a 98 July 4th and gave myself 2 weeks off. I didn't like any part of my game and by the 6th or 7th hole I just wanted to walk off the course.

I would respond to text messages to people who wanted to play that I am taking a break and I focused things elsewhere, it was more of a mental re-set.

When I came back on the golf course I started real light from 6000 yards, just to slowly work myself back into a groove. I had a weekend of 91-81 and had some sense of relief. It felt good to play some decent golf but my swing wasn't where I wanted it.

Last Thursday I had my 5th and final lesson with my coach(but we are going to continue working because I've played my best golf with his help) and I took control of how I wanted this lesson to be. We changed my stance a bit, squared the shoulders more, and made my left hand a little stronger on the grip. From half wedges to driver it just felt normal.

That weekend I played some pretty solid golf and am full of confidence, it took me a month in total to feel good about my golf game. I'm not saying lessons are the answer to everyone's question, but when you have that 2nd set of eyes and you both feel your swing is normal/better then it just oozes confidence.

In my last 5 rounds of golf I kept score but didn't record anything for handicap purposes, it was just go and play. The last round was a 3-man scramble and we were bogey free, -3 thru 15 until I had to leave unfortunately and not finish the round.

Play some different games, play some rounds where you don't keep it for handicap purposes and just play. It showed me a lot doing that and not freaking out after I make a double or triple. It's just one bad hole and they're inevitable. For me the key was not to grind so much, and that led to being more confident.
 
Perhaps you could take the scorecard and make your own personal par? For example, get a sharpie and on the two most difficult holes change the hole from a par 4 to a par 6, and on all the other holes add one stroke. So instead of being confronted with the task of a par 72, you now have a par of 92. You can change the card anyway you like to what your personal par is.

Also try and avoid the trap of comparing yourself to others on the golf course...nothing good can come from that.

Best of luck!
 
My instructor helped me help myself. When I go to warm up, or for a driving range visit, I start with my lob and hit chips for a bit, then half swings, then I chip my gap, then half swings, etc. Working my way up the clubs and up the tempo scale, getting used to success with the shorter clubs and shorter swings helps give the those "good vibes".

Same deal with putter practice. I will hit 4-8 one footers, then 2 footers, then 3 footers just to get used to the feeling of sinking putts. Then I move out to lagging etc.

Basically, get your mind used to success, by doing easy things.

Saturday I had the worst round I have ever had. I stopped keeping score it was so bad. Monday and Tuesday I refocused, got back into my groove and Wednesday I whooped the 2nd place guy in my league. If I can do it, you can. Trust me, I am a head case.
 
One final thought: I don't know who said it first (nor do I care), but one of the mightiest truisms in golf is "Never follow a bad shot with a dumb shot." So if you do hit one, play the smart play after it.
 
That's why I love the range, it builds confidence, before a round I work on hitting the important targets like driver, 150, 100 yds. etc on the first swing every time I pull the club, then when I play I just recall those range swings, knowing I can do it, confidence.
 
I'll second the "lesson" thought.

All season, I was driving the ball great (for me). 240-260, generally all in the fairway.

Then, thru almost all of July, I had developed a wicked snap-hook. Spent a couple weeks trying to fix it on my own, to no avail.

Took a lesson last week, and in about 10 minutes my instructor had me straightened out. Played 36 holes over the weekend, and I don't think I lost a ball on my drives. Then this past Tuesday, shot a 42 in league...my season best. 6 par, (3) doubles.

Since the lesson, I'm walking to the Tee Box KNOWING I'll be hitting a good drive.
 
I'll second the "lesson" thought.

All season, I was driving the ball great (for me). 240-260, generally all in the fairway.

Then, thru almost all of July, I had developed a wicked snap-hook. Spent a couple weeks trying to fix it on my own, to no avail.

Took a lesson last week, and in about 10 minutes my instructor had me straightened out. Played 36 holes over the weekend, and I don't think I lost a ball on my drives. Then this past Tuesday, shot a 42 in league...my season best. 6 par, (3) doubles.

Since the lesson, I'm walking to the Tee Box KNOWING I'll be hitting a good drive.
 
Hamfist said:
Golf truly is a game of one shot at a time, and you must accept that.


.
Click to expand...

Think;
One round at a time
One hole at a time
One shot at a time

As someone who shot 120, 10 years ago, then improved to beating 100, then 90, then 80 I've tried it all. And I mean everything, from videos to training aids, to lessons from vastly different teachers. And I would say lessons with an instructor you are comfortable with is the number one tip.

Also the Bob Rotella books as others have mentioned are good for confidence as well.
Number one book I've found is Zen Golf for confidence and getting into the zone. I have it as a paperback, bought it on google play, and have it on audible for listening while I'm driving. I go through it at least 3 times a year. Honestly its pure gold. As a poker player the mindsets are quite the same, as if you lose a big hand in poker and get emotional, chances are you will lose more hands shortly. Same with golf, it teaches you how to move on and keep the mental chatter to a minimum. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/140183.Zen_Golf

Good luck! And remember its only a game man.
 
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Lost Golfer said:
Thank you to all of you who responded with suggestions and ideas. I will start to read Golf Is Not a Game of Perfect. I will also try to change my attitude by accepting the bad shots and try to learn from them. I know I need to slow down and be a little more deliberate, not race through my shots after I hit a bad one and compound the problem. I do that a lot now, turning 6’s into 8’s. I guess I just got myself into a bad frame of mind with a “here I go again” attitude instead of focusing and trying to get out of the trouble in as few shots as possible.
Click to expand...


A few comments:

- Everyone hits bad shots. I just watched two PGA Tour pros put it in the water on #6 at the PGA back-to-back. No wind, no rain, no need to have a birdie to win. Just miscalculations or less-than-perfect contact.

- It's crucial to not try to "make up" for a poor shot. If you hit a poor tee shot, par is off the table. You're now playing for bogey. Chip out or hit a short-iron you can control and try to get on with your third shot. Try to never let a poor shot cost you more than 1 stroke. At your level a bogey or double-bogey won't kill you. It's the triples and quads that are the killer, and they almost always come from trying to do too much. One bad shot turns into two, which puts you in a an impossible position for the third. Suddenly you're trying to figure out how to get your fifth shot on the green, when if you'd just hit your 2nd to a good spot, you could have given yourself a high chance of being on the green with your third.

- Hitting a poor shot does not make you defective. Don't go trying to "fix it." Concentrate on fundamentals and whatever you're working on with your instructor and just try to make a better swing on the next one. Trying to apply "fixes" on the course, particularly ones suggested by playing companions, can get you completely screwed up. Just a small loss of focus can disrupt what might have been a good swing. It's not always a flaw that needs fixing.
 
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