Golf vs. Marriage - The Dilemma

lazychicken

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Let me start by clarifying, I've been married long enough to know the right answer here. I'm just venting about the problem because you all will understand. :)

My wife is the founder and executive director of a non-profit in our area. They've been around for 10 years and they do a lot of good for a lot of people, and they have a ton of community involvement. Accordingly, they have several large fundraising events each year that are critical to their budget.

I have an annual golf trip I go on with my buddies. This trip occurs the first weekend in May each year.

(You already know where this is headed, right?) My wife's non-profit scheduled their big spring gala for the same weekend as my golf trip (she wasn't involved in the scheduling).

I mentioned the conflict and she said, with all sincerity, "you should just go on the trip".

Here's my question to you all: This feels like a trap, right?

Thanks in advance,
Mark
 
Let me start by clarifying, I've been married long enough to know the right answer here. I'm just venting about the problem because you all will understand. :)

My wife is the founder and executive director of a non-profit in our area. They've been around for 10 years and they do a lot of good for a lot of people, and they have a ton of community involvement. Accordingly, they have several large fundraising events each year that are critical to their budget.

I have an annual golf trip I go on with my buddies. This trip occurs the first weekend in May each year.

(You already know where this is headed, right?) My wife's non-profit scheduled their big spring gala for the same weekend as my golf trip (she wasn't involved in the scheduling).

I mentioned the conflict and she said, with all sincerity, "you should just go on the trip".

Here's my question to you all: This feels like a trap, right?

Thanks in advance,
Mark

Sounds like a trap but a very poor one. I'd go & deal the fallout when I got back.
 
I think tone of voice would tell me whether it was a trap or not. I mean she may sincerely want you to go spend time with your friends on an annual trip. I mean she works there not you so how important is it that you attend?
 
Just go.
 
I don't think anyone but you can answer that. My wife would likely have no objection to me going on a golf trip as opposed to a work (her work) event. It's just our dynamic, I very rarely ask her to attend my work related functions, and I rarely attend hers. Other couples are different I know.
 
Pretty simple really, if you feel like its a trap it is. I would still go if you think she said it sincerely. Whats the worst that can happen right? :D
 
Let me start by clarifying, I've been married long enough to know the right answer here. I'm just venting about the problem because you all will understand. :)

My wife is the founder and executive director of a non-profit in our area. They've been around for 10 years and they do a lot of good for a lot of people, and they have a ton of community involvement. Accordingly, they have several large fundraising events each year that are critical to their budget.

I have an annual golf trip I go on with my buddies. This trip occurs the first weekend in May each year.

(You already know where this is headed, right?) My wife's non-profit scheduled their big spring gala for the same weekend as my golf trip (she wasn't involved in the scheduling).

I mentioned the conflict and she said, with all sincerity, "you should just go on the trip".

Here's my question to you all: This feels like a trap, right?

Thanks in advance,
Mark

Oh damn she threw the 'just' in there. That changes everything
 
which one was planned first? I'd pick that one. in case of a tie, go for the golf trip and suffer the consequences later, it'll be worth it
 
there's no substitute for honesty.

tell her that you go on this trip every year. it's always the same time of year. it's something you look forward to very much, and it's important to you. you want to go.

BUT, also tell her that you understand how important the gala is for her fundraiser. and that if it's important for her that you attend with her, you are ok to miss one year with your buddies so that you can support the woman you love.

that sounds pretty sappy, but that would be my recommendation.
 
Sounds like we have a boyfriend on the side lol

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How many years has this “annual” trip been going on? If it’s a lot, then go. If it’s “annual” for the past like 2-3 years, it may be a trap haha
 
The important question here is: Have you gotten in trouble for putting golf ahead of her before?

If the answer is yes, it is absolutely a trap.

If it's no, it is still probably a trap but you might be able to get away with it.
 
Tone and body language is key. I’m not going to tell anyone what to do in their marriage, but you’ve been with her long enough to know if it’s ok to go or not.

Trust your instinct is all I can say.
 
Tone and body language is key. I’m not going to tell anyone what to do in their marriage, but you’ve been with her long enough to know if it’s ok to go or not.

Trust your instinct is all I can say.

So true. Every relationship is different, not sure how any of us can help.

Maybe actually talk it out with her?
 
You have to use reverse logic. I would say this "Since you know I take this trip every year, I appreciate your understanding."


And yes, it is a trap, and yes you are wrong.
 
This thread title made me laugh.....in all seriousness to the OP. Instead of coming to THP to clarify your wife's statement, you should go directly to her. Just ask her- is this a trap?
 
The tone of her response would be the first clue. Sounds like she was sincere in wanting you to go. I would go and if it's a trap, you'll know before you go.
 
I'm enjoying the responses!!

Just want to point some of you back to the first sentence I wrote in the original post:

"Let me start by clarifying, I've been married long enough to know the right answer here. I'm just venting about the problem because you all will understand. :)"

Of course I'm going to go to the gala. I'm happily married and we always support each other. Not to mention, this non-profit is enormously important to me as well. So no way I'm skipping it. But that doesn't mean I can't be annoyed that it is occurring on my golf trip weekend!! :)

To answer one of the questions, I think this is my 6th year for the golf trip.

I actually might be able to work out going to around half of the golf trip and still get back in time for the gala. We'll see how it works out!
 
You have to use reverse logic. I would say this "Since you know I take this trip every year, I appreciate your understanding."


And yes, it is a trap, and yes you are wrong.

LOL!! Exactly!! :D
 
If you feel like it is a trap, it probably is and you should not go. If you feel she was sincere, go on your trip as planned guilt-free.
 
lol, So true in so many ways....but then again, if the weekend with h guys is always the same weekend, she should have already known you were going. If you are generally expected to escort her on the weekend of the gala, you can golf anytime. ....either way golf and you're sleeping alone...wait too long letting her know you are behind her one hundred percent and your sleeping alone....
 
What does her organizations find raiser have to do with you? Go on your trip.
Posts like this make me realize I should never get remarried


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What does her organizations find raiser have to do with you? Go on your trip.
Posts like this make me realize I should never get remarried


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"play the field"
 
"play the field"

All these posts I see of guys saying they have to ask permission for anything golf related just blows me away


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