AshMan
Passionate Golfer
- Joined
- May 20, 2015
- Messages
- 4,597
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- Location
- Where it's Sunny Almost year round
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- 15
At 12:59am March 24th, my life was forever changed. That phone call was the worst news anyone can get. My little brother killed himself. He was 37 years old. I know he was having a hard time with his life and his choices, but I never thought his final choice would be to end his life. No matter how bad he felt his life was, he had us if he ever needed us. Why didnt he ask for help. I cant imagine what happened to make him take his own life.
I look back at my last conversation with him a few days ago and I lectured him about him needing to make some changes in his life. That was the last thing I did. Lecture him and right now I dont know how to feel about it. I am sad, and on the brink of tears, I am upset with myself because maybe I wasnt a good enough brother to him, but I am also angry at him for taking his own life. I wonder if there was anything I could have done to prevent this.
I wonder if the signs were there and we just didnt see it. He had recently come out and told us he was gay. Even though we all knew it for years, he had finally told us and we accepted him as he was. He was family and no matter who or how he was we accepted him for being him. He had finally seemed to be a Different person after this. But different in a good way. He was so happy. All his physical pains he had been suffering with for years seemed to be gone. But at the end of it all, what it seemed to be on the surface was not how it was for him inside. Inside he was a wreck. I know he had suffered from severe depression. During his coming out and having the first real boyfriend we knew about. He had also gotten into meth. His boyfriend was an addict and now my brother had become one as a result. This was the beginning of a long series of events that led to him taking his life.
I know I have to be strong for my children. I know life will go on and time will heal the wounds I have right now. But it has made me now worry about my children. How wil they handle this? How do I tell them about this or do I not tell them at all?
I miss my brother. I will miss him for the rest of my life. I hope he is now finally at peace.
Rest in Peace little bro. 10/06/1981 - 03/24/2019
Sent from my LM-G710 using Tapatalk
I look back at my last conversation with him a few days ago and I lectured him about him needing to make some changes in his life. That was the last thing I did. Lecture him and right now I dont know how to feel about it. I am sad, and on the brink of tears, I am upset with myself because maybe I wasnt a good enough brother to him, but I am also angry at him for taking his own life. I wonder if there was anything I could have done to prevent this.
I wonder if the signs were there and we just didnt see it. He had recently come out and told us he was gay. Even though we all knew it for years, he had finally told us and we accepted him as he was. He was family and no matter who or how he was we accepted him for being him. He had finally seemed to be a Different person after this. But different in a good way. He was so happy. All his physical pains he had been suffering with for years seemed to be gone. But at the end of it all, what it seemed to be on the surface was not how it was for him inside. Inside he was a wreck. I know he had suffered from severe depression. During his coming out and having the first real boyfriend we knew about. He had also gotten into meth. His boyfriend was an addict and now my brother had become one as a result. This was the beginning of a long series of events that led to him taking his life.
I know I have to be strong for my children. I know life will go on and time will heal the wounds I have right now. But it has made me now worry about my children. How wil they handle this? How do I tell them about this or do I not tell them at all?
I miss my brother. I will miss him for the rest of my life. I hope he is now finally at peace.
Rest in Peace little bro. 10/06/1981 - 03/24/2019
Sent from my LM-G710 using Tapatalk
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