Helping someone transition to "senior" golf

ohnolan

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So I play a lot with my father in law. He took up the game around 50, and is now 64. He has never been anything more than a typical weekend warrior 20 index. We still have fun but lately, age is starting to creep in. He is losing distance, he is scoring worse, and becoming more frustrated.

He has your typical old school male ego. Very competitive, doesn't want to show "weakness". I'd like to have a conversation with him that it's ok to move up a tee box, he doesn't have to play the same tee as me (34), his son (39) and his other son in law (40). Just looking to encourage him to consider some changes that might make it more fun for him again. Whether it's tee choice, or maybe time to get fitted for graphite, whatever it may be.

I'm sure some of you have had this conversation before. How did you initiate it?

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I have had a similar one, but with me, I started it a while ago with my group. They are all 10-24 years older than I am. So I started randomly commenting on the yardage..."Oh, this is 6200, a bit longer than Camas Meadows we played last week" and then after the round "A few of those holes felt long." Note, however, I outhit the next longest guy by 40 yards. So that is in their heads and after a while I was able to look at the card and be like, "Oh, this is 5900, pretty close to that Lewis River course we liked". It is completely not about tee colors, how far forward or back the box is, they are coming around to connecting how many yards or slope they are playing and their remembered enjoyment.


Not a strategy that would work for everyone but might be one to at least consider.
 
I golf with my best friend's dad about once every other month or so.

He's in his 60s and plays the Whites. Not quite Senior Tees but he hits the ball about 220ish off the tee and knows his limitations. When he was in his 20s/30s he would only play the tips and he was a bomber hitting it 270+ with no problem.

So really it comes down to ego. I know their will be a day where I will change to Regular Flex shafts then transition to senior flex shafts, play the Whites exclusively, etc. Really doesn't bother me, it's inevitable.
 
Just let them play where they feel, I would say. If they get frustrated, let them know they can always play forward and drop it from there.

As a humorous aside, my pop-in-law is 67, and I refuse to let him hit off the senior tees until I can beat him. Still waiting.
 
I play with three guys where only one of them should really be playing the regular, white, "men's" tees with me. One of the others is truly distance challenged while the fourth isn't consistent enough off the tee to really warrant playing the whites. The only way I got them even considering the senior tees is I declared Fridays as senior tee day. Every Friday we move up to the senior tees including me. Now one of them moves up to those tees on the longer par 4s and 5s, while the other who should move up there with him has that "macho" attitude and only does that when the wind is pretty strong into us.

Try having everybody move up so he can see the benefit and it also offers a different challenge for the longer hitters especially in regard to course management.
 
Geez man no point in not playing graphite in my opinion. I am 39, turning 40 in a couple months, all I play is graphite everything. Its so much more pleasant on the body and that in itself helps my game. Getting him to move up a tee box will be more difficult most likely. He has to understand its not an ego thing at all. It is about being able to enjoy the game by playing at a more competitive level. Its no fun when you you are 20+ years older and the guys you play with are 50+ yards closer off the tee on every single hole.
 
Imo with todays equipment if you are heathly you can play pretty long into your 60's, but it is all up to the individual to make the decision to move up.

Being 60 and somewhat healthy I can get away with quite bit distance wise if my driver is working but with my older friends it took giving them some strokes and moving up to make it fun again, we like to play a cheap skins game and it is no fun if you never win. Once they get a taste of winning a couple of bucks the old juices get following and the tee box thing does not matter anymore.
 
So I play a lot with my father in law. He took up the game around 50, and is now 64. He has never been anything more than a typical weekend warrior 20 index. We still have fun but lately, age is starting to creep in. He is losing distance, he is scoring worse, and becoming more frustrated.

He has your typical old school male ego. Very competitive, doesn't want to show "weakness". I'd like to have a conversation with him that it's ok to move up a tee box, he doesn't have to play the same tee as me (34), his son (39) and his other son in law (40). Just looking to encourage him to consider some changes that might make it more fun for him again. Whether it's tee choice, or maybe time to get fitted for graphite, whatever it may be.

I'm sure some of you have had this conversation before. How did you initiate it?

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Why not play up with him from the seniors so he doesn't feel so bad? Hit irons instead of driver.
 
Why not play up with him from the seniors so he doesn't feel so bad? Hit irons instead of driver.
I think this is going to be part of my plan. Kinda hoping if we do it a couple times, he will get some fun energy back and maybe he makes a permanent switch.

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And for those of you in your 60s still playing from back tees, no slights intended on you guys. He has had some medical issues as well that have contributed to his SS decline.

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So I play a lot with my father in law. He took up the game around 50, and is now 64. He has never been anything more than a typical weekend warrior 20 index. We still have fun but lately, age is starting to creep in. He is losing distance, he is scoring worse, and becoming more frustrated.

He has your typical old school male ego. Very competitive, doesn't want to show "weakness". I'd like to have a conversation with him that it's ok to move up a tee box, he doesn't have to play the same tee as me (34), his son (39) and his other son in law (40). Just looking to encourage him to consider some changes that might make it more fun for him again. Whether it's tee choice, or maybe time to get fitted for graphite, whatever it may be.

I'm sure some of you have had this conversation before. How did you initiate it?

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I started playing when I was 50 and am now 64. I never had any illusions when it comes to this game, and at the age of 50 was old enough where ego wasn't a factor. I play the senior tees if a course has them and play graphite shafts. It's a lot more fun putting for a birdie then struggling for a par. I have shot under 70 twice, usually shoot in the high 70s, low 80s. This game is hard enough as it is, and hitting fairway woods and hybrids can't be much fun, not to mention how hard it is to hit a green with one of those clubs in your hands.

If he wants to have fun and enjoy the game more, he will move up. If his ego prevents that...???

The next time you play, you can say, "Dad, I am going to play the senior tees today", or whatever tees you think he should be playing. Maybe after playing them with you a couple of times he will see the efficacy in moving up.

Good luck.
 
Why not play up with him from the seniors so he doesn't feel so bad? Hit irons instead of driver.

I do this pretty often. I usually score better too. It takes the whopper tee shots out of the equation, but it also removes (mostly ?) the penalty strokes.
 
I myself have just transitioned to the senior tees in the past 2yrs.I am 67 and most of my playing partners are about the same.We have played the white tees forever but it got to the point we were all hitting long irons or even hybrids into the medium and longer par 4 s and still had trouble reaching them in 2 .It kind of lost the fun factor of playing.I finally suggested playing the senior tees at a little longer course.Of course I got all the ribbing,but I insisted and now that's all we play and we enjoy hitting short - mid irons into most of the par 4 s and enjoy being able to reach in regulation more often.And yes, I even bought a set of Srixon z565 irons with graphite shafts which I enjoy hitting and my elbow and wrist thank me every round.

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Thankfully, I don't have this situation with my dad since he took up the game after he stopped playing fast-pitch softball so I think he recognized the reduction in speed and power and all that.

I do have it with my cousin who should be playing up one tee box up and is also slow af. I haven't played with him in about a year, but I try to get him to not dawdle (leave the cart in a good spot, drive to the next shot and then frustratedly put the headcover on and the club back in your bag, etc.) and clean your ball and read the green while someone else is away.
 
Your father-in-law has options, and as far as I'm concerned, any of them are fine choices.
  • Move up to shorter tees. I know high school and college coaches who have their players do this as a training technique. See how many pars and birdies they can make from the forward tees. This might be another way to encourage your father-in-law to try out the forward tees.
  • Play games using handicaps. That's what the HC system is there for, so why not use that to change the focus.
  • Select tees by yardage, not color. Our regional USGA has a traveling club for seniors and that's what they do. They play some of the best courses, but always from a tee box that gives total yardage between 5,000 to 5,400 yards.
  • Fight Father Time. This isn't possible for everyone, but if he's really competitive and willing to do something about it there are lots of ways to battle Father time at his age: exercise, nutrition, lessons, short game development, swing speed training.

Chronologically, I'm only a couple of years behind your father-in-law. I've chosen the last option. I'm hitting it longer than ever and playing better than ever. Now for me that means two times a week in the gym, better diet, three purposeful 90-minute practice sessions each week, 1-2 rounds played per week, I walk and carry to supplement my other exercise, and otherwise have an active lifestyle. That's a fair commitment, but besides the benefits to my golf game, I'm getting huge benefits for my health, functionality, and longevity.

But it's a choice. Your father-in-law has options.
 
Had the perfect example of the choices involved while playing a round on Friday.

These guys play the same tee and insist in teeing off in reverse age order.

Gonzo, the first guy up, just turned 80. He's long since gotten over the impact of hitting it shorter and taking more strokes to get around the course. Gonzo values being out with the guys. He plays from the same tees as the others so he doesn't miss a moment of the comradery of being with his guys.

I'm up next, and as I mentioned in the post above, I'm fighting Father Time. I still play competitively, but I also like a social round. I love playing with these guys because we celebrate the game, encourage each other knowing each other's games and capabilities. Everyone is accepted and valued.

Jimmy's up next. Jimmy kids me a lot for being a hard act to follow. Jimmy is only a couple years younger than I, but recently retired. He always tells me how he's watching me and picking up a few things here and there. But truth be told, Jimmy has other activities and interests, so he's going to pick and choose what does for game improvement. He's okay with that and we're okay with that.

Paul is the youngster at age 35. Paul has kids. He's only able to get out about once a month and isn't even thinking about losing distance. Paul can hit it a country mile when he hits the sweet spot and squares the club face. Paul lives for those shots. But there is more. Why does he want to hang out with we older folks? Paul loves the way he is accepted. We remind him that golf is a game for a lifetime and he's going through a phase where he doesn't have much time to give it. But the game will always be there and he's got lots of years where he'll have more time for it. Paul is loved and accepted in this group and he gleans things from us without anyone being pushy or preachy. Paul likes that. He values that.

None of us are related. We just found each other. We have different games, are at different stages of life, and play with each other for different reasons...and it works.
 
At the end of the day, its his choice. If his ego wont allow him to accept that he is getting older and cant hit the ball as far as the young bucks do, theres nothing you can say that will change his mind.
 
Many of the guys I play with at my home course are in their mid 50’s to late 60’s. They all still play the 6,420 tees which are the second from the back tees. It’s hard to get guys to move up a tee especially when all their buddies are playing a different set. I haven’t lost any significant distance at age 54 but I’m sure when that day comes it will be hard for me to accept. I’ve played the last two Thursdays in the senior city league and I’ve been very encouraged by the number of out of shape guys in their 60’s that still hit the ball 240+ off the tee. IMO, 240 yards is long enough to be a scratch golfer from tees at 6500-6600.
 
Hey, it's Father's Day in a week. Why not arrange ( maybe shared with with the sons and other son-in-law?) that you will gift him with a proper fitting and also offer to help pay for new clubs (up to a dollar amount within your budget of course).

I'm glad first of all that folks aren't referring to these as "women's tees" , but nor should one call them "seniors tees", just call them "forward tees". I've seen a few courses that moved the conventional colors around to help with some of that stigma; I saw one recently that had the blues as most forward and red as most back.

I'm 68. Returned to the game in 2008 after a layoff. In 2012 when arthritis pain hit my hands (mostly thumbs) I decided it was time to get properly fit or quit. I ended up in the same Miuras with steelfiber I have now, and also put the same shaft in my wedges when I change them. Was fit by a Ping rep for the slightly firmer Kuro Kage shaft in my driver and 3W, the Alta CB was not workable for my strong transition.

I'm not saying he needs to spend that kind of dough, but if he's properly fit he might back some distance, more control and more importantly be playing longer and healthier. Just because one is older doesn't necessarily mean that he needs senior shafts (he might, might not). If the "fitter" is just looking at swingspeed and other factors such as transition force, point of release, walk away. Be sure he takes his current clubs with him to the fitting for back and forth comparison as he goes.

I'm mostly playing whites, generally in the 5800-6100 range, but have played reds at time enjoyably, especially in a couple of tracks where the trouble isn't just based on yardage. I think next year a lot of guys in my seniors group -including me- will be playing red/white combo tees on one particular course, as soon as that combo is properly rated.

I'm not sure if I advocate you offering to move up tees with him. Despite some possible resistance from him, you still will be outdriving him the same amount, and just using a hybrid or such off the tee might rub some salt in any sensitivities. On the other hand it might open up some discussion on course management. Such as, that moving up could get him over fairway bunkers etc that he otherwise would be in, and then being able to potentially reach the green in regulation. You on the other hand, are using a hybrid on the same tee to not get into trouble as the fairway narrows ahead.

Different strokes....One of my buddies, just turned 77, still carries his bag and refuses to play forward tees, even though he's short, especially off the tee, and generally just uses a 17 degree fairway for that. Why? .... says he gives up to many strokes playing whites and his course management and short game is too good. He doesn't plan on getting on hardly any par 4's or 5's in regulation. He's always winning a lot of league competitions or is right up there as he's that kind of a steady - Eddie, but he's a special case perhaps.

Good luck.
 
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I am in my 60's and had spine problems between L3 and L4, numerous cortisone shots to relieve pain and avoid surgery. I play with guys my age that can hit their drive 220-240. Due to my back issues I can't rotate much and lost yards, my drive is around 170-180. I play the Senior tees now, buddies play the whites. Our drives land roughly at the same places now so the game is on! Our scores are now very similar now around 86-90, instead of me being the only one over 100. There is no shame in playing senior tees, if you can't get on the green in regulation because of distance issues, you are playing the wrong tee's. Senior Tees and Senior flex clubs to save your back and continue to enjoy the game...not that many years left, don't let the whites frustrate your friends Dad.
 
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If someone is frustrated with their distance then all one can do is suggest something that may help make things better for them. Some people honestly don't care if they are not long enough for certain tees and may also not care too much what they shoot (score). I say play whatever tees floats your boat for whatever the reasons. Offering suggestion is all anyone can do and then just leave it at that.
 
I’m 64 and in the middle of that transition phase. Play a Wednesday senior scramble from the golds, @5,700. Dang, nice hitting a wedge into some greens. Added hybrids to my bag. And most recently added Recoil ZT9 shafts to my irons. Wow, light, and added ten yards.
I still play whites in GW Am Tour events. 6,000-6,200. And can hold my own, when the fairways are dry. ;-). Even when playing with my brother, we select a tee based on @6,000.
Occasionally I’ll play the tips just to show me, dang, I don’t need to be back here. LOL


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It's an interesting thing. At one public course, they used to have "Black", "Blue", "White", and of course "Red." Red tees are associated with "the ladies tees." On this course the "ladies tees" are 5600 yds. which compared to other courses in the area are quite long. Most ladies tees are 4700 - 5200 yds. And they also came up with "split courses" that mixed blue + white (6400) and green + white (5800). More courses need to do this.

The course got a new pro who noticed the older guys struggling. He got together with "the committee" at the course and decided to repaint the Red Tees a different color as an experiment. They also ordered new scorecards. A funny thing happened. Older men and beginners started playing the shorter tees just because they weren't red anymore and there wasn't that stigma of them being the ladies tees.

The tee you should play from is based on "how far do you hit your average drive?" Not your potential drive - that one you hit out of the part once in a blue moon.
 
My 10 year old niece plays with us sometimes. Next time she comes I'm going to suggest we all play the forward tees with her.

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While not the exact advice you were looking for, I will give you an example that occurred a couple of years back on the annual Florida trip:
- we booked at Tiburon in Naples and made sure we were playing the Gold Course (the guys had played the Black the year prior and hated it - way too tough for them (tight))
- we arrived and told we were on Black and everyone started whining
- the guys usually like to play around 5800-6000 . I looked at the slope ratings and suggested we move up to about 5500 (dropped 400 yards but the slope dropped from 131 to 114)
- four holes in the comment was "this course is way more fun than I remember from last year"

I say if you can't reach 50% of the par 4s in regulation you're playing the wrong tees.
 
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