Once upon a time, humans evolved. As early humans moved from a nomadic hunter/gatherer style of life into pastoral societies, it became apparent that not all you need could be gained from sitting on your arse in one spot. These early humans living in the cradle of civilization began to move again, this time in caravans and merchant ships, trading their goods to others with crafts and wares their people could use. City centers develop. It became apparent, however, that one could not trade a fig leaf, no matter how stylishly strung, equally for a pair of shoes or an animal hide loincloth. So in these prehistorical days, bits of metal were traded (or sometimes commodities such as cannabis); gold or silver that could be designated equal to either the fig leaf codpiece or said full animal loincloth, or even a service, such as frying up a mean breast of dodo bird.
And so time passes, people are explored and conquered as they always have and always will be, gods are created and killed by other gods, dark ages occur then lift, and we arrive many centuries later in America. These crazy folk move across an ocean into territory completely unexplored to them inhabited by people who could be straight up warlike, cause what the heck, sounds like a grand adventure, right? (I once visited Germany, and fourteen days of their cheese later, and OMG, I totally knew how these people felt.) These crazy young folk started and reflected many movements going on around them, off the wall ideas like "I wanna decide how to spend my money!" and "Don't you tell me what to buy! Free markets! Free speech (within limitations excepting libel and imminent threat)! Wooo!" These guys even went so far as to make up their own government and fight a war against their parents to do so. And they did it! (Amending this constitution they made is super hard. Someone once tried to take away beer. They even gave that back.)
On we march in history. The country splits in two, has a civil war about it, then pops back together - after this there is just not enough gold and silver to go around (maybe it's because they abandoned cannabis) and American paper money is no longer backed by precious metal and becomes worth the paper it's printed on. (But it's ok, about a century later "In God We Trust" is added and it's all good.) Money becomes a figment of our imagination. When the Free Market stumbles (but how?! Oh yeah, the beer thing) everyone gets depressed but everyone gets through that too.
City centers grow and soon it seems there is little left for empty space. In fact, there's just a heckuvalot of people in general. About the time "In God We Trust" is added, the "American Dream" is first dreamed by a guy in striped pyjamas in Pittsburgh, he tells his buddies who also all start dreaming it, and it becomes a staple. Anyone and their mom now has the viable option of starting a business and harassing their neighbors to drop by and the "flyer" is invented (thusly named when they became also the first spit adhered balls to "fly" through the air). Gutenberg only adds to this problem, now long dead but still haunting in perfect post script.
One day, Al Gore invents the internet (all along here I thought it was the military) and advertisement moves into the new frontier: space. Ugly and earworming, for some reason we're buying wine cause of the chicks that come with it, and stocks because of a cute baby. Soon even Jupiter is sporting a sponsor (the red spot was the original Super Target). All these dreamers now had a way to reach greater audiences with little invisible signals "flying" through cyberspace. Out came a plethora of new words, created just by adding "cyber-" to the start of a normal word, and the worst word of them all, SPAM. Aptly named as on one end it seems like such a good thing, on the other it comes out as undigested waste. Yes, all those emails we delete without reading, those posts that get a glance and groan, and you wonder why anyone wasted their time? Well I say my friends, as I write this, we must say no to spam. Spam should no longer be a tool for that guy still sitting on his arse in one spot! Where are those who stand and say LET ME SPEND MY MONEY AS I WANT TO, who search for the dream of a forum of truly FREE speech where nothing is sold, where my imaginary money stays in my imaginary pocket since we all know it's really online locked behind a clever password of arbitrary letters and numbers that lets me onto some bank website so I can see the numbers on the screen and D@MNIT THAT'S WHERE IT'S GONNA STAY!
Claim the forum as a no-spam zone! Are you with me? This is our house! Free speech (within limitations excepting libel and imminent threat)! Wooo! I say, spam and risk eviction from the soapbox! We're cleaning you OUT!
Alright. Peace and good evening.
And so time passes, people are explored and conquered as they always have and always will be, gods are created and killed by other gods, dark ages occur then lift, and we arrive many centuries later in America. These crazy folk move across an ocean into territory completely unexplored to them inhabited by people who could be straight up warlike, cause what the heck, sounds like a grand adventure, right? (I once visited Germany, and fourteen days of their cheese later, and OMG, I totally knew how these people felt.) These crazy young folk started and reflected many movements going on around them, off the wall ideas like "I wanna decide how to spend my money!" and "Don't you tell me what to buy! Free markets! Free speech (within limitations excepting libel and imminent threat)! Wooo!" These guys even went so far as to make up their own government and fight a war against their parents to do so. And they did it! (Amending this constitution they made is super hard. Someone once tried to take away beer. They even gave that back.)
On we march in history. The country splits in two, has a civil war about it, then pops back together - after this there is just not enough gold and silver to go around (maybe it's because they abandoned cannabis) and American paper money is no longer backed by precious metal and becomes worth the paper it's printed on. (But it's ok, about a century later "In God We Trust" is added and it's all good.) Money becomes a figment of our imagination. When the Free Market stumbles (but how?! Oh yeah, the beer thing) everyone gets depressed but everyone gets through that too.
City centers grow and soon it seems there is little left for empty space. In fact, there's just a heckuvalot of people in general. About the time "In God We Trust" is added, the "American Dream" is first dreamed by a guy in striped pyjamas in Pittsburgh, he tells his buddies who also all start dreaming it, and it becomes a staple. Anyone and their mom now has the viable option of starting a business and harassing their neighbors to drop by and the "flyer" is invented (thusly named when they became also the first spit adhered balls to "fly" through the air). Gutenberg only adds to this problem, now long dead but still haunting in perfect post script.
One day, Al Gore invents the internet (all along here I thought it was the military) and advertisement moves into the new frontier: space. Ugly and earworming, for some reason we're buying wine cause of the chicks that come with it, and stocks because of a cute baby. Soon even Jupiter is sporting a sponsor (the red spot was the original Super Target). All these dreamers now had a way to reach greater audiences with little invisible signals "flying" through cyberspace. Out came a plethora of new words, created just by adding "cyber-" to the start of a normal word, and the worst word of them all, SPAM. Aptly named as on one end it seems like such a good thing, on the other it comes out as undigested waste. Yes, all those emails we delete without reading, those posts that get a glance and groan, and you wonder why anyone wasted their time? Well I say my friends, as I write this, we must say no to spam. Spam should no longer be a tool for that guy still sitting on his arse in one spot! Where are those who stand and say LET ME SPEND MY MONEY AS I WANT TO, who search for the dream of a forum of truly FREE speech where nothing is sold, where my imaginary money stays in my imaginary pocket since we all know it's really online locked behind a clever password of arbitrary letters and numbers that lets me onto some bank website so I can see the numbers on the screen and D@MNIT THAT'S WHERE IT'S GONNA STAY!
Claim the forum as a no-spam zone! Are you with me? This is our house! Free speech (within limitations excepting libel and imminent threat)! Wooo! I say, spam and risk eviction from the soapbox! We're cleaning you OUT!
Alright. Peace and good evening.
Last edited:
irate: pirate
