Anger

I have trouble with anger. Mostly, I get frustrated with my parents for stupid things, I let golf get to me when I play bad, and I can't seem to have any good days.

I found this moment where I was absolutely relaxed, which was two nights ago. I was tired but fully relaxed. It only lasted 5 minutes.

I'm usually paranoid and anxious about things I can't control, worrying about car wrecks and the like.

I have this grudge against people who threatened my life several years ago, when I was about 12 to 14 years old. I was constantly bullied and pushed around, with death threats thrown in and my childhood anxiety to deal with anyway.

I've always been anxious, but at that level it was to an extreme. I started destroying my parents' ownings and they sent me to a mental hospital. I stayed for a week, and my meds were better.

Ever since then I've been frustrated and angry with every little thing, and I've even almost went mentally insane a few times recently. My anger gets so bad that my mind doesn't feel like I can control it, I self injure by hitting my head when I'm at my peak. I feel like I have no life and that I'm slowly fading into insanity.

I was diagnosed with autism recently, but that really doesn't help me much.

I fear stupid things, like changing my golf game for the better, fixing bad eating habits, and overall I fear change as a whole. I'm so terrified of it that even the thought of it gives me nerves.

And now I'm seeing my 6th phychiatrist and 5th counselor, and I've told them all of this and they just change my meds. I'm tired of these damn medications being changed everytime I have a human problem, it's not like you can just wish my problems away with a pill.

I hate life. I'm naturally very nasty to people because I feel so bad all the time, I have no other choice but to get angry at someone all the time because I'm constantly on edge.

I know stress can kill you, and I know that cortisol isn't healthy to release into the body on a consistent basis, but that's where I'm at.

My parents don't get it, even though I've described it to them in detail. In the end they don't know what to do about it.

I'm terrified of change so I'm stuck in this cycle of hatred and anger and misery without a way out. I've attempted suicide before, but I quickly learned (I'm smart) that it wouldn't solve anything, and that it was stupid to kill myself because then I'd be dead and I wouldn't experience life anymore. I'd rather be miserable than dead.

I need to stop being afraid of loving myself and afraid of happiness. (Yes, I fear happiness, but I want it. I've lost my mind haven't I?) But I don't know how. Right now my chest feels like there's a toxin going through my heart and lungs, and it burns. My head hurts, I can't think clearly, and my body overall is unhealthy.

Anything I can do to get rid of this vicious cycle of hatred anger agony and despair?

I'm not going to kill myself, I'm smarter than that. But I would like at least some aspect of relaxation instead of being on edge all the time. I'd treat my parents better and I'd be able to be clear minded.

I've experienced a clear mind before, and it was wonderful, but me being constantly on edge has my mind spinning.

Help.

PLEASE talk to somebody. somebody you feel you can be 100% honest with and who will not judge you or betray your confidence.

find what makes you happiest and dive headfirst into that. focus every bit of energy into that thing.

i'm so sorry. you don't deserve this. i hope you find peace and the help you crave. you are loved and deserving of that love.

PLEASE talk to somebody.


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Talk to someone, a family member they will always point you in a good direction. Life can be tough,cruel at times but remember to remain positive and positivity will come to you. Over the past two years I dealt with many downs,but remained positive it would turn around. Golf is very challenging ,best thing is to try and improve each round or practice session. We all struggle trying to perfect our games but it is a steep mountain. Ups and downs and slides ,but one thing is constant. The outdoors, enjoying the nature and making new friends. Hope this helps a little. Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk with


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I feel for you man. As others have suggested find someone you can trust. One person is all you need to be able to talk to and help.

And I hate seeing anyone giving up this beautiful game but given the nature of golf it may be best for you to take a break from it for a little bit. This is a game of ups and downs for most of us and I believe you need to engage in an activity (or activities) that make you happy and relax you. Something without much of a measure of success/failure.

Id agree that you need to talk to someone and maybe even seek professional help. Having friends to talk to is a great thing but sometimes its beneficial to talk to a professional, who isnt your friend and isnt going to tell you what you want to hear but who can also help you to deal with your anger.

Keep going buddy. Things can only get better.

As has been said, find someone you can talk to - someone you trust and just be frank and honest.

You mentioned you found a moment when you were relaxed - try and find out what triggered it and try to replicate it.

Find something that you love - music, sport, some other sort of hobby and focus on that.

Above all, stay strong and stay positive buddy.

Thank you all for your advice.

I'll certainly be trying to stay relaxed during the day, making sure I'm not taking it so seriously. I talked to my best friend last night, and that helped tons. She told me basically that I have to relax and not take life so seriously. I'll try to relax today when I play my round of golf and throughout the day I'll just try to stay calm.

Once again thank you for your concern, I really appreciate it.

I tell my immediate family, "You're going to find what you're looking for." That's a little bit of an oversimplification, but when I'm having a bad day, I try to pause and tell myself a few things I can be thankful for:

I'm healthy.

I have family and friends who care about me, even when we disagree.

I'm healthy enough to play golf.

I'm have enough to eat and wear.

It's raining, but I'm inside.

It can focus your mind of good things, and that can make a difference.

You've gotten good advice here, and the fact that you are aware of the issue is hugely positive, in my opinion. Keep us posted.