Having regular playing partner and ball mannerisms.

[Hacker67]

I have a playing part who is a COVID golfer and I've been more than patient with helping him track and finding his ball but he will NEVER reciprocate. He is so locked into where his ball or asking me where it is he will never even on the rare occasion you lose track of your ball help look for your ball or even give a half ass effort of tracking it.

Well it came to head the other day and I confronted him and of course he got defensive and basically made it out like I was being unreasonable.

I think I let it go on to long and my frustration had built up.

Things is I really don't want to play with this semi-friend anymore which sucks because he is not a bad guy just very selfish when comes to golf.

How do you deal with regulars who only lock into their ball and oblivion to anything else going on the course? Including refusing to yell four on a wayward shot which I have to do. He things it's a joke.

How would you deal with this as it may end the friendship all together?

 

[Daluteh]

People are who they are. If you need/want help looking for your ball, and you ask and they ignore or refuse then that decision is kind of on you. You then know what you're going to get out of the relationship on the course.

You could do the semi-petty thing of then not looking for his ball either and just do your own thing and see how he reacts so he knows what you are talking about. Sounds like he is a newer golfer so maybe he really doesn't understand and just takes it for granted.

 

[Hacker67]

People are who they are. If you need/want help looking for your ball, and you ask and they ignore or refuse then that decision is kind of on you. You then know what you're going to get out of the relationship on the course.

You could do the semi-petty thing of then not looking for his ball either and just do your own thing and see how he reacts so he knows what you are talking about. Sounds like he is a newer golfer so maybe he really doesn't understand and just takes it for granted.

I hear you and been patient with him for 2 years and was hopeful of him picking up on etiquette when he sees we all keep track and help find other people's balls but that has no transationed. I mean he has been spraying the ball over the place and it's us who do the majority of finding his ball.

I guess when I started I observed and picked up on this etiquette quickly but he just don't feel it's his obligation in any way to keep track or help other with ball finding. Thing is almost every hole he asks" did you see my ball"

I don't know it's gotten old and interfering with my game.

I did tell him don't ask me where his ball is anyone and his attitude was like " oh boy it's like that"

It sounds good in theory to just not pay attention to his ball but it's awkward for me because I'm not that type of guy or learned to play that way.
I notice it today's society folks hate to admit maybe they're wrong and would rather fall out with you than apologize.

 

[jbuck31]

You could always reach out to him when the “frustration” isn’t there and the waters have calmed. Cooler heads typically prevail. At that point you can explain the etiquette.
Or, you can always use a comment like, “I’ve been having a hard time tracking my ball lately, do you mind helping to keep an eye on it”. If that doesn’t work and it’s that much of an aggravation, I would move on and limit the rounds I play with him.

 

[Space Bandito]

I think that's tough. If you've asked him for help, there isn't much you can do other than phase him out of your rotation (if it bothers you that much)

I was in a similar situation over the summer. I hit one into the thick, there was a group waiting on the tee, and my buddy was just sitting there in the fairway, picking his nose while i fumbled around trying to find my ball. I was pretty pissed, and gave him a talking to on the next hole - he understood immediately, and hasn't really done anything like it since. If he continued to do something like that, to the point where I was getting angry (like I did) I would consider playing with other people.

There is no reason to let someone in your group ruin your enjoyment of a round.

 

[TJRyska]

Sorry wish I had some tips. I’m shocked because I’ve never run into that before. I play with a regular group and some of them are new to the game. They always help look for a ball lost in the rough. I figured that was just common courtesy that you help your playing partners look for a ball. Surprised your buddy doesn’t do it.

 

[e1iterate]

If lost golf balls end a friendship, was it ever really a friendship?

 

[Jman]

Perhaps confronting, isn’t the play. Why not just ask for help kindly, and just mention it’s much appreciated and a common part of the game.

These unspoken things in golf are part of why there are such barriers for some to enter and feel welcome.

 

[Ludin]

Sorry to hear this. From personal experience sometimes it takes time for some people to come around. It may take a couple awkward conversations to get there though. Had a buddy who was entitled about his pace of play and refused to speed it up to sub 430-5 hour rounds. Continual comments and some lashing back he came around. He is a really good friend so I was willing to keep trying. How you described him it sounds like more of someone just to play with then a friend.

 

[DaveGolfer15]

Perhaps confronting, isn’t the play. Why not just ask for help kindly, and just mention it’s much appreciated and a common part of the game.

These unspoken things in golf are part of why there are such barriers for some to enter and feel welcome.

Yeah totally agree with this.

 

[Ooo]

Simple, just don't play with him.

 

[PatsFan]

You could always reach out to him when the “frustration” isn’t there and the waters have calmed. Cooler heads typically prevail. At that point you can explain the etiquette.
Or, you can always use a comment like, “I’ve been having a hard time tracking my ball lately, do you mind helping to keep an eye on it”. If that doesn’t work and it’s that much of an aggravation, I would move on and limit the rounds I play with him.

This is probably the best route, Trying to explain when your not so heated.

If it was that big of a issue for me I would probably just stop playing with that partner or just learn to live with it and not let it ruin the friendship.

Life's way too short and this is only a game!

 

[Hacker67]

If lost golf balls end a friendship, was it ever really a friendship?

It's really not about golf ball but the total disregard of other people around you.
Outside golf he isn't so selfish, but sometimes I think he's trying so hard to get great results in a short period of time he losses focus of those around him.

Just for context one day I was up on the green and he was maybe 20 yards of the green and whizzed a flyer past my ear where he sarcastically said " pay attention" afterward. I told him that ball is he's responsibility and you need to give a heads up. He laughed. Although I kinda got the last laugh because he was standing over a ball that was on the green that wasn't his and I told him your ball is 30 yards over the green "pay attention" everyone in the group got a good laugh but it's sad some of the newer golfers are just going to do things their way and that's it.

I just think it's indicative of today's society.

 

[donny475]

I hear ya, I tend to see very well long distance so i have an idea where the ball went so i will help look or at least where it went into the trees. I have a friend who will look and continue to look like they are rolled in golf flake. let it go, the the drop after a few minutes of searching. Same guy who believes he still hits it 280 and swears he cleared the water so we have to look on the other side of the pond, or at least when you tell him it went into the water"here" he thinks its 20 yards up where he should drop.
But if you hit one in the crap, he is wandering down the fairway checking sprinkler heads , then the GPS and then he pulls the Laser......sometimes ya gotta pick and choose when it starts affecting your game.

 

[Hacker67]

Perhaps confronting, isn’t the play. Why not just ask for help kindly, and just mention it’s much appreciated and a common part of the game.

These unspoken things in golf are part of why there are such barriers for some to enter and feel welcome.

I understand your point but it didn't take me over 2 years to observe and realize everyone was watching each other's ball and looking for other people's ball within in reason.

At what point do we stop blaming barriers and start putting the responsibility on those who want to play and learn golf but don't want to observe and conform to the basic etiquette of reciprocating ball watching and finding.

We are not talking about 10 year old kids but grown men.

 

[e1iterate]

It's really not about golf ball but the total disregard of other people around you.
Outside golf he isn't so selfish, but sometimes I think he's trying so hard to get great results in a short period of time he losses focus of those around him.

Just for context one day I was up on the green and he was maybe 20 yards of the green and whizzed a flyer past my ear where he sarcastically said " pay attention" afterward. I told him that ball is he's responsibility and you need to give a heads up. He laughed. Although I kinda got the last laugh because he was standing over a ball that was on the green that wasn't his and I told him your ball is 30 yards over the green "pay attention" everyone in the group got a good laugh but it's sad some of the newer golfers are just going to do things their way and that's it.

I just think it's indicative of today's society.

Look, I get it. I think you just need to have a conversation with him about outside of the golf course. Be polite, but firm about it. If it doesn’t change then I’d move on.

It sounds like you kinda want it to work, but I think catching him outside the golf element could help. If you really don’t and are over it just move on.

 

[Scott F]

He’s probably not going to change. His selfishness is going to affect your game because you are thinking about what he’s going to, or what he’s not going to do next. Find someone else to play golf with

 

[Riverboat]

It's really not about golf ball but the total disregard of other people around you.
Outside golf he isn't so selfish, but sometimes I think he's trying so hard to get great results in a short period of time he losses focus of those around him.

Just for context one day I was up on the green and he was maybe 20 yards of the green and whizzed a flyer past my ear where he sarcastically said " pay attention" afterward. I told him that ball is he's responsibility and you need to give a heads up. He laughed. Although I kinda got the last laugh because he was standing over a ball that was on the green that wasn't his and I told him your ball is 30 yards over the green "pay attention" everyone in the group got a good laugh but it's sad some of the newer golfers are just going to do things their way and that's it.

I just think it's indicative of today's society.

Whizzing one by my head with no warning and then laughing about it would have ended the golf and the friendship. I've seen a guy knocked out cold on a shot that had already ricocheted off two trees. A direct hit could kill someone. Your buddy is an a-hole.
Had a friend at the beginning of COVID who was supposed to ride to the course and play with us. Weather caused us to cancel, and we found out a few days later that he had COVID and was planning to not even tell us, just ride and play with us with no warning. He said "I don't believe it's as big a deal as they're saying." None of us have played with him or even talked to him since. You don't risk others' lives because you're an idiot. I later lost two close friends to the disease and every time I think of that situation I want to punch him in his fat face.
Serenity now.

 

[Riverboat]

Sorry to hear this. From personal experience sometimes it takes time for some people to come around. It may take a couple awkward conversations to get there though. Had a buddy who was entitled about his pace of play and refused to speed it up to sub 430-5 hour rounds. Continual comments and some lashing back he came around. He is a really good friend so I was willing to keep trying. How you described him it sounds like more of someone just to play with then a friend.

I had 3 different golf friends like this who just absolutely refuse to change. Pretty much everyone I know flat out refuses to play with them anymore. They moan and complain that they don't have anyone to play with, and we are honest with them. A few times one or the other has actually changed for awhile and we allow them to come along again, but they always backslide. After a warning or two, they're back on their own. Sorry, man, nobody wants to spend a quarter of the round watching you play statue.

 

[bull0120]

Do you think your buddy may have a cognitive thing (ex. ADD/ADHD) going on where they just can't stay in the moment? I've had to work with people on this... Nice guys, but they are just so in their own world it's hard for them even if they are trying to pay attention. I know for a buddy of mine who had some issues a big part of it was just the reminder of getting out of the cart and constant flow of golf talk in the cart. Talking through about what we were going to do on the next shot and things like that. If you stay on their ass long enough, like every single shot, they can change. That's a lot of work though and honestly, I wouldn't put up with it unless I really picked up on something like that going on. Even then, if they weren't trying they would get the boot.

Now the guys that just can't let a golf ball go after looking a minute... That's a different story. They'll never change.

 

[El Rayo X]

I try to watch where my playing partner's ( even strangers ) ball goes, but I let them know right away if I didn't see it or lost sight during flight.
I would hope they would do the same.
It's part of the etiquette I was taught when I started playing.
But, like so much in our society, that courtesy is less common than it once was.

 

[Old_Boiler]

Golf is difficult enough. I don‘t think I could regularly play with someone that is adding stress to the game. As others have said, have a conversation with off the course - it sounds like he is relatively new to the game - you could start with “now that you are playing more, would you mind if I give you a few tips on etiquette and such?”

There is something special about having good playing partners - kind of lIke a good marriage. I love the guys I play with as everyone is generally low key and we have played enough that we know each other’s game, pet peeves and preferences - I know one guy never loses his ball left, another always wants the pin in if he is off the green, another hates 70s music on the playlist, etc.

 

[Stemmy66]

I play mostly as a single and always try to keep an eye on where everyone is and how everyone tends to play. I've seen guys like this in passing who won't help follow / look for an errant shot or yell fore (which to me is more worrisome) and its hard to want to help others who aren't attuned to the group they're playing with. I too have annoying traits that I'm sure may rub others on the course.... I'm self deprecating... but I also laugh at myself... I know this and I work hard to keep it to a reasonable level as to now impact others fun. That said, its just easier for me to work to control what I can control, therefore, I will keep an eye on balls, help look for shots, yell fore when I feel its appropriate, even if others don't and generally try to enjoy the day, the group and the game as much as I can. At the end of the day, my goal is to have fun and not be a richard.

 

[Scorp]

Going off of what you've said, your first post says you don't want to play with him anymore; you also said he's a nice guy. an example you gave in a later response said

"... zed a flyer past my ear where he sarcastically said " pay attention" afterward..."

That's NOT the sign of a nice guy. An "I'm sorry man!" or "My bad!" or "Whoops!" is a nice guy. He sounds like a Richard.

I think a drama free life is a happy life. It sounds like this guy causes drama. I say ditch the drama and don't play golf with this guy anymore. He's has 2 years and hasn't gotten the hint, and 'm sure you've talked to him a few times about golf course etiquette as well as others.

 

[jpgolf]

Simple, just don't play with him.

I agree. I ended a golf relationship with a guy a couple of years ago because it became all about him... especially where we played. I finally just ended our regular weekly game - and haven’t missed it. Not worth playing thru aggravation.