I could repeat what has already been said, but pointless. try to smooth it over and let us know how it turns out
Life/Golf Advice
Don't be too hard on yourself. We have all done things we have regretted. If you feel the need to apologize, then do so, if not, let it go and move on. That fact that you are thinking about this like you are tells me you are a good guy. 
Hamfist
I promise not to murder Canadan.
After a 170 yard sprint, I'd be interested to see how much of a fight he could have put up.
- Thread starter
- #29
Lol. That’s what I was counting on if it would have come down to it. I’m still strong as an Ox but my endurance could leave a bit to be desired. If his sprint would level that playing field, I’d have won. Lol. Probably would win anyways with prior fight training and my strength, and being 80 pounds heavier and 20 years younger, but that’s not what’s important.
In case it’s been forgotten or not mentioned, it was not my neighbor that threw the putter and mock charged. My neighbor was the guy that “held him back”. I didn’t even know that until we about got into it in the parking lot, and my neighbor did play the peace making role there, despite being an ass towards me in regards to saying that to my kids. They were all drunk (no other reason to play a 4+ hour nine), but I shouldn’t be an ass ever with my kids around. Probably shouldn’t be anyways but when they tee’d off on 7 there wasn’t another group on the front 9 (you can see rest of the front from there). I still wouldn’t have said anything and instead just used the opportunity to practice other
than we were running out of light due to them. We could have played through and it would have cost them 5 minutes at most.
In hindsight I should have just called it a day. Failing that I should have certainly avoided the parking lot incident. But I didn’t. And with spring about to be sprung, I want to at least make an effort. If he shoots it down, I’ve tried and can live with glaring at each other every time we’re outside together. His loss. There was enough wrong for everyone to wear a bit going on that night, I’d like to at least try to right my side of it. The guy appears to be a bit zany, which is fine. He’s also a fellow golfer that prior to this I got along just fine with. I didn’t appreciate what he said to my kids, but with tempers hot all around, I’d rather that than us all punching each other in the parking lot.
Prior to him saying that, he had defused the situation, which was good of him. I appreciated it.... until his comments to my kids. Which I think I responded to pretty well by asking him if his etiquette lessons included taking 30 minutes a hole-hey at least I didn’t sock him right then and there, lol.
Bottom line it was a bad night all around and no one behaved appropriately. Hell, my best friend and I used to beat the living hell out of each other back when we were 18-21 or so. Different world back then and sometimes we resorted to fighting to resolve an argument (usually while drinking and we were a fair match, he was a better grappler and I was a better striker, lol). We were friends again 5 minutes later, and like I said, a different world back then.
So yes, this is bothering the hell out of me. Everyone had a bad night but if I don’t at least try to be the better person here, it’s going to bother me until I do. If he snubs his nose at me, so be it. Life’s too short to lose sleep over a bad night and I don’t want to anymore. If I at least try then the balls in his court. If he wants to harbor a grudge when there was plenty of blame to go around, then that’s on him.
- Thread starter
- #30
Don't be too hard on yourself. We have all done things we have regretted. If you feel the need to apologize, then do so, if not, let it go and move on. That fact that you are thinking about this like you are tells me you are a good guy.
I try to be. Obviously have a tiny bit of a temper, lol. You know my story better than most, at least online-lol. Still think I was grievously wronged (not in this story but “elsewhere”
) but the end result is hanging out here and it’s an infinitely better place so that’s a win. I’d rather try to take the high road. It’s something new for me as a person, but as a father to three fine young men I feel I need to try, if for no other reasons than peace of mind and to try to set a better example. I failed them that night in the leading by example portion. That’s probably what’s bugging me more than making peace with my neighbor. That’d be great too, and I hope we can do that as it sets an example of what to do if you’re ever in that situation.
They’ll find themselves in similar sitautions I’m sure and showing them that admitting their wrongs and attempting to make amends can hopefully make it right. And failing that, at least attempting will make you a better person for it.
In my opinion your neighbor should be apologizing to you. It was his friend that charged you. You're not 100% guilt free here but it would not have been difficult for them to let you play thru. You can only control your own actions and per your admission, reacted badly. That said, don't beat yourself up over it....try to make amends and move on.
On a side note. Who charges someone after one comment on the course? He must have been drunk or really frustrated with his game that day. Sooner or later he's gonna charge the wrong dude and end up paying for it.
On a side note. Who charges someone after one comment on the course? He must have been drunk or really frustrated with his game that day. Sooner or later he's gonna charge the wrong dude and end up paying for it.
- Thread starter
- #32
I did act like a jerk, I’ll admit that. I’d never be accused of charging after someone when they’re making comments about my slow play because if I was that slow I’d just let them through no fuss.
I’m never that slow but occasionally a single or even a 2-some will catch us (as a 4-some) and as soon as convenient we let them through. Certainly within them waiting a full hole-unless there’s no room for them to go. In which case if they look frustrated I’ll drive back to them (while we’re waiting to boot) and tell them they’re welcome to go through or join us. Don’t want some idiot hitting into us to try to hurry us up when there’s nowhere to go.
It woulda been a bad move had he ran the entire 170 yards in his charge to me without his flung putter, lol. I have no flight left in me, fights all I’ve got. I was fully into that mode (which as an adult, I’m not bragging-just explaining-I’m not running anywhere. And as a former fighting hothead had he made it to me with bad intentions it would have ended badly for him) luckily my neighbor completed the “hold me back bro” routine with his 60ish year old friend, which at that point I found hilarious (due to adrenaline, again-not proud of my actions only explaining them) and probably egged the situation on further by yelling out a Ric Flair’ish “WOOOOOO” once his charge was broke. I may have even yelled “hold me back bro, hold me back” while laughing. I do remember throwing my hat when he was actually charging me and saying something like “bring it on mother ‘carebear’ “
*call me a bad father but my kids are not shielded from language such as this-the oldest 2 anyways. I can invent an entire new language on a golf course occasionally that can be colorful if correctly interpreted.
From a fairway over it would have been funny to see. Being in the heat of the moment, it’s something I should have done as a man-IF and only IF, my kids weren’t there. I’d have zero regrets about it if I hadn’t made a complete ass of myself in front of them.
But flinging your putter and charging (or mock charging) someone isn’t wise, that much you are correct on. Had he arrived and had I felt my kids in danger, and had I felt that I couldn’t handle things, it could have got ugly really fast. Heck, I carry 19-20 clubs at any given time.... ? ? Even with a paltry 14 clubs, it beats zero in a fight.
lauzgolfer
Active member
I personally really respect how you're viewing this in hindsight. As many, yourself included, have stated that there is no one that is absolved of guilt in this situation.
Good on you for wanting to reach out and bury the hatchet. You're doing the right thing and like you've mentioned, totally his problem if he doesn't accept. Respect to you and hopefully it goes well and you find yourself a new golf buddy.
I keep thinking about those videos online where someone picks a fight with the wrong guy (lately MMA fighters) and it does not go well for the fight picker. That's what I'm envisioning, based on what you're saying, had the mock charger actually charged you. Honestly, I'd probably do the same as you and KO him with no hesitation whatsoever if I felt my kid was in the slightest bit of danger.
Out of curiosity, if you caught up on 6 and could see the rest of the front 9 was completely open, why not skip 6 and 7, play 8 and 9 and then head back if there was enough time? May not be a great solution, but you don't get into it with the group in front and you get to make a point that they're so slow you're willing to forgo playing one or two holes just to not be stuck behind them. I realize if you didn't have a cart, that might be a bit harder to do. I've done this before, often while playing as a single when I was a club member, and never had anyone call me out for it. Obviously wouldn't do that if there was another group that's only a hole or so ahead of the slow group. But in this circumstance, I don't see the problem with that.
In any case, hope it all goes well for you when you extend the olive branch.
Boston_golfer
Active member
I've found that a 6 pack and a conversation can help clear up any minor lapse in judgments.
- Thread starter
- #35
Hindsight is always great. Just wanting to get nine in it was only became apparent too late that we weren’t going to. We’ve all been stuck behind a group that’s super slow for a hole, only to realize that they’re only super slow for one hole. Lost ball, whatever reason-they pick up the pace after that slow hole. That far into the nine, by the time we truly realized their sloth pace, it was too late.
I’ve been stuck behind slow groups way too many times. Generally it’s no biggie. We’ll just practice like crazy. We’ll have a chipping or putting competition at each green after we’ve played it, no biggie. Since I wasn’t playing, which is unusual, (but I’d already played 18 that day-was taking the kids out for a “quick” nine) my patience wore thin really quick. Once I realized we wouldn’t have light for them to finish, that’s when I got upset. Right or wrong, that was a deal breaker. My oldest almost never shoots bogey golf and he was on pace to do so.
So to answer the question, by the time I realized it my feathers were already ruffled. I behaved inappropriately for sure. I could have handled whatever “old guy throwing putter” brought, but with my kids with me-I was just dead wrong for even letting it get to that point.
I don’t play “tough guy”. I can handle myself but as an adult I should never let it come close to that when my kids are with me. That’s a bigger mistake than acting meek and just telling my kids that there are buttheads in the world and that when you meet them you should move on, with the least amount of fuss possible. I provoked one and while it could have been handled had it come to that (most likely, don’t see me in any way not winning it) it could have come down to me winning a fight and being hauled off to jail for assault. That’s not a lesson I want to impart on my kids.
It’s not the same world I grew up in and you have to be smarter than me to navigate it. Again, there was all kinds of wrong going on. I was responsible for about half of it. I’d have zero regrets about the situation had my kids not been with me. I may still have been in the wrong, but it’s one thing to be wrong while being right when your kids aren’t learning from you. It’s an entirely different ball game when you’re supposed to be teaching them.
- Thread starter
- #36
That’s what I’m hoping for. Neighbor guy was playing peacemaker. Only real issue I have with him is when he suggested he was better for my kids than me AFTER diffusing the situation. It’s minor in the scheme of things. He probably kept his buddy from eating teeth and from me going to jail for assault.
30 minute holes are not golf etiquette. Neither is provoking the drunk a-hole in front of you that’s taking 30 minutes a hole. I’m guilty of 50% of those things.
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- #37
Just wanted to update, was out mowing yesterday when I saw my neighbor pulling into his driveway. It’s the first I’ve seen him since the incident last fall.
So I parked the mower and strolled over. I had my coaching shirt on so he first asked how baseball was going. We chatted a bit until we got to golf. I told him I was playing up at Firestone and explained how I got into the Bridgestone Championship there.
Long story short, I apologized for my part in last falls incident. He didn’t apologize for him (which other than a couple questionable comments about him teaching my kids etiquette, he didn’t really have anything to apologize for) but for his buddies behavior. Which he didn’t need to. We both shook hands and We’re neighborly neighbors again. He always struck me as a decent guy, but gosh I hope I don’t get stuck behind his group again, lol. I will certainly try to handle it better if I do though.
So I parked the mower and strolled over. I had my coaching shirt on so he first asked how baseball was going. We chatted a bit until we got to golf. I told him I was playing up at Firestone and explained how I got into the Bridgestone Championship there.
Long story short, I apologized for my part in last falls incident. He didn’t apologize for him (which other than a couple questionable comments about him teaching my kids etiquette, he didn’t really have anything to apologize for) but for his buddies behavior. Which he didn’t need to. We both shook hands and We’re neighborly neighbors again. He always struck me as a decent guy, but gosh I hope I don’t get stuck behind his group again, lol. I will certainly try to handle it better if I do though.
Hamfist
I promise not to murder Canadan.
I hate it when things end neighborly.
fistfullofbeer
Akshay ("Ak" + "Shay")
And that is all you can really do. This is a situation you have dealt with now, so just be more prepared if something like this happens again.