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Upset! Need to vent.

Smiter

Smiter

Dunce Cap For A Bit
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Just got home. Not real happy. This is mostly a vent post so please move on if you don't want to read about it.

Met dad at a local course to play a round. I knew he was planning on meeting someone from his work around the 9 hole mark and I'd assured him that was fine. I only had my middle son with me so we had a slot anyways. Plus this course is a pasture and if you play on the weekends here, you better be prepared to play slow.

My middle son was having the round of his life. Child is a barely turned 13 year old and he was -3 at the turn. Shot a freaking 32! I was +2 from the same tees and dad was +14. All of us playing from the long tees (total course is barely 6k tipped out). At any rate I was playing per usual, dad was playing per usual, and my kid was posting a career low.

Dad ditched us at the turn. I don't know if he felt like he was holding us back or what? I don't even care. He knows that we (and especially I) love to golf with him. I could care less if he's 500 over or flirting with par. I don't care. I love playing golf with my kids, but I love playing golf with dad just as much. I don't even care that he ditched me, how in the hell could you ever walk away from your barely 13 y/o grandson when he's -3 after 9? He birdied 10 to go to -4 through 10. I don't care what course you're playing, if at any point in the round you are -4, that is a round worthy of praise.

Dad missed it. Dad missed the chance to see how low a barely 13 y/o could go. I won't even say it but I will say that if Par is a score to beat, beating it seven times over is pretty damn good. Kid shot a lower round than I ever have today. I hit the damn ball every inch of 350 with neutral conditions. He gets 225 at best. He's already beat my PB. I play almost every Thursday with dad. I'm so upset with him that I don't think I'm going to play with him this week. At the very least, I'm not going to call him. He won't call me (that's for sure, he never does). We went through this before and we barely talked for 10+ years. Life's too short for that. I don't want to do that again, but he's my dad and I really don't know how to handle this.

I'm frustrated right now. Dad isn't a very good golfer and I know he knows that I don't care about that. It felt like we got ditched so he could do his thing with a co-worker. Even if I'm wrong and that wasn't what it was, how in the hell can you bail on your grandkids career round?

Frustrated and venting. Sorry.
 
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If your dad went 10+ years without talking to you much, it doesn't sound like a great relationship. Some grandparents are really into their grandkids, some just look at them as accessories.

I would focus on the fact that your kid is an absolute beast AND shares something with you that you can carry for life. You already knew about your dad. Just don't do the same things to your kid and thank your dad for the unintentional lesson.
 
I'm with you. Unless it's an emergency, you just don't bail out on people like that... especially family... especially when the boy was in the zone!

My dad is well past prime age to start playing, but he's hinted once or twice that he would like to get out and try it out. I really should build him a half set and let him go play the local par 3 course. It'd be cheap and he could play a little without being pushed much. I've play that course twice and I rarely see more than a half dozen or so other people on the course at any given time.

As for not talking to him for 10 year again, I think that might be a little much, but I'd back your decision to not call him to play this week as per usual. Maybe stop in to see him after your round and mention that you just came from the course. If he asks why you didn't call, just tell him you didn't think he'd wanna play since he ditched you last time out.
 
Although I feel you with your Dad, I would focus on the positive and the spectacular round your son had. That's amazing!!

As you said, life's too short. Enjoy the time with your son and it sounds like you are doing much better by him then your Dad did with you.

That being said, I would talk to your Dad about it. Tell him that he missed out on his son's amazing round, and that is was rather rude to just bail like that. Show your son that you are dealing with it head on. That can teach him a very valuable lesson for his future self.

Sorry you are so upset and frustrating. Believe me, I know the feeling and go through the same kind of BS with my Dad as well with other things Just remember the blessings you have and focus more on the positive. My daughter and I play and we are both just starting out. It's magical to share this sport with your child. If your Dad can't appreciate that, don't let it spoil your mood when you are sharing that with your son. Time is precious.
 
BTW, how your son finish off the round?
 
Great round by your son and glad you were there to share that with him. You said though that you knew dad already had plans to meet someone else at a certain point though right? Maybe he wasn’t bailing on you guys as much as keeping another commitment? If it were me I wouldn’t let it fester too long. If anything give him a call and tell him what he missed out on and that he hopefully could be there for the next one. Life’s too short. Your job right now is to keep your son fired up and pointed in the right direction. He’s obviously has tremendous talent. Congrats to him again on a great round.
 
Beeez said:
Great round by your son and glad you were there to share that with him. You said though that you knew dad already had plans to meet someone else at a certain point though right? Maybe he wasn’t bailing on you guys as much as keeping another commitment? If it were me I wouldn’t let it fester too long. If anything give him a call and tell him what he missed out on and that he hopefully could be there for the next one. Life’s too short. Your job right now is to keep your son fired up and pointed in the right direction. He’s obviously has tremendous talent. Congrats to him again on a great round.
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You could be right. To me, it would be about how it was conveyed in the beginning. If his dad said he was meeting someone and going to do something else with that person, then that's one thing. When I initially read it, I interpreted it as though the guy his dad was meeting was going to join their group at the turn and play the back with them. If that's the case, then it's totally different.

I can see what everyone is saying about keeping the focus on the kid and I agree with that, but they're really two separate issues. You can reassure your kid he did good AND still hold your parent accountable for not doing the right thing.
 
I get your frustration, but focus your thoughts and memories of the day on your son's great play and not on your dad.

My recommendation, call your dad as usual and play golf with him as usual. Like you said, life is too short. Fact is, that time with your son and your dad may mean more to you then it does to your dad. If so, why punish yourself over something your dad did?
 
Life is too short and Precious and Your son just had the round of his life.
Focus on the Positives and keep your son having fun playing since it sounds like he has some real talent.

Take a deep breath and then another one.
It took me along time to realize that when I am home stewing on something it's only hurting me. The other person doesn't even know and I'm the one losing sleep.

Life is way too short!!
 
OGputtnfool said:
BTW, how your son finish off the round?
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He shot a legit 63 (32/31) on a 6000 yard par 70 (Twin Lakes, Mansfield OH). Legit as in play it as it lies and count every shot until it goes in, no gimmies. Very proud of him. He was able to overcome my negativity (upset over dad bailing) as well as the golf course itself. It's a pretty simple course but I have never been -7 ever no matter how simple the course. The child has touch on his shots that's just not normal. I'd love to say that I plan to caddy for him in the future, but that would be just stupid, lol. Headstrong parent caddying is a recipe for disaster:)

Sorry about my negative tone. It's just upsetting to me. Like I stated, dad and I didn't have much contact for 10+ years. I wasn't mad at him, nor he at me, I just didn't call him and he didn't call me. Found some common ground in golf again after I talked him into taking the game back up late last summer. The only thing that makes sense is he thought that he was going to hold us back. I don't even want to think anything otherwise.

I need to talk to him. He's a different bird so I don't know if he thought he was holding us up or ???? If I'm in his shoes and I felt like I was holding him back with my poor play I'd have just stopped playing and observed. He knew he was -3 through nine, he saw it. At the very least I'd have thought he'd have texted me and asked how he ended up. Nope.

Went back up and reread the comments prior to posting this. My dad did right by me, but he's always been a little distant once I became an adult. He adopted me but has always treated me like his own. I once went an entire year without talking to him a few years back just to see if he'd ever call me. He didn't and I called him at the end of the year. I just don't see how you could possibly walk away from a round like that from your grandson. He had to feel like he was holding him back, that's the only thing that makes any sense. Even so, I'd have just picked up and watched if that was the case for me. Aside from that, I'd have asked how it went if I was him and had walked away. He knew he was -3 for 9. The kid has never flirted seriously with Par before. This was a round that would make everyone think he was a sandbagger. I know it's an anomaly, someone going much lower than they should. Heck I've done the same thing a few times, although never to a -7. How can you not even ask though? I know he knows that he'll hear about it the next time I see him but still? The child was going low. How do you not ask how low it was?

Sorry. Frustrated. But at the same time very proud of Colin. He not only conquered the course but he conquered my negativity today. The kid has always had nerves of steel and he showed it off today. If anything I let him down by allowing that to become a distraction. He knew I was upset yet he still shot a career round.
 
PatsFan said:
Life is too short and Precious and Your son just had the round of his life.
Focus on the Positives and keep your son having fun playing since it sounds like he has some real talent.

Take a deep breath and then another one.
It took me along time to realize that when I am home stewing on something it's only hurting me. The other person doesn't even know and I'm the one losing sleep.

Life is way too short!!
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Very good perspective and I've spent way too many nights upset over something the other person sleeps soundly on. I guess that's just part of who I am, but I certainly appreciate your advice. If only I could follow it... I guess if I could this thread wouldn't exist:)
 
SmiterOfPv1x said:
He shot a legit 63 (32/31) on a 6000 yard par 70 (Twin Lakes, Mansfield OH). Legit as in play it as it lies and count every shot until it goes in, no gimmies. Very proud of him. He was able to overcome my negativity (upset over dad bailing) as well as the golf course itself. It's a pretty simple course but I have never been -7 ever no matter how simple the course. The child has touch on his shots that's just not normal. I'd love to say that I plan to caddy for him in the future, but that would be just stupid, lol. Headstrong parent caddying is a recipe for disaster:)

Sorry about my negative tone. It's just upsetting to me. Like I stated, dad and I didn't have much contact for 10+ years. I wasn't mad at him, nor he at me, I just didn't call him and he didn't call me. Found some common ground in golf again after I talked him into taking the game back up late last summer. The only thing that makes sense is he thought that he was going to hold us back. I don't even want to think anything otherwise.

I need to talk to him. He's a different bird so I don't know if he thought he was holding us up or ???? If I'm in his shoes and I felt like I was holding him back with my poor play I'd have just stopped playing and observed. He knew he was -3 through nine, he saw it. At the very least I'd have thought he'd have texted me and asked how he ended up. Nope.

Went back up and reread the comments prior to posting this. My dad did right by me, but he's always been a little distant once I became an adult. He adopted me but has always treated me like his own. I once went an entire year without talking to him a few years back just to see if he'd ever call me. He didn't and I called him at the end of the year. I just don't see how you could possibly walk away from a round like that from your grandson. He had to feel like he was holding him back, that's the only thing that makes any sense. Even so, I'd have just picked up and watched if that was the case for me. Aside from that, I'd have asked how it went if I was him and had walked away. He knew he was -3 for 9. The kid has never flirted seriously with Par before. This was a round that would make everyone think he was a sandbagger. I know it's an anomaly, someone going much lower than they should. Heck I've done the same thing a few times, although never to a -7. How can you not even ask though? I know he knows that he'll hear about it the next time I see him but still? The child was going low. How do you not ask how low it was?

Sorry. Frustrated. But at the same time very proud of Colin. He not only conquered the course but he conquered my negativity today. The kid has always had nerves of steel and he showed it off today. If anything I let him down by allowing that to become a distraction. He knew I was upset yet he still shot a career round.
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Amazing! Is this the kid you said thinks like my son and now he'll be expecting to shoot -7 every time out? If so, you're in for a long road!
 
SmiterOfPv1x said:
Very good perspective and I've spent way too many nights upset over something the other person sleeps soundly on. I guess that's just part of who I am, but I certainly appreciate your advice. If only I could follow it... I guess if I could this thread wouldn't exist:)
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Trust me I am not saying I am always able to do this but I know how you feel but I look at it as you got to share a special moment with your son and that is what he missed But its his loss. You should treasure it.

Peace
Billy
 
I agree that what your Dad pulled sucks BUT...
If you put your Dad on ignore, don't play golf with him, don't call him, don't talk to him...and something happens to him, you are going to regret your actions for the rest of your life. My Dad and I did not have a great relationship and when he passed away I was on one of those string of months where we never saw each other, never talked, nada. It is a regret I live with. My Dad was not a great Dad. He never gave me any compliments or praise on anything I ever did. In all my years of playing baseball, he came to 2 games and both times he criticized me for "grandstanding". Once for running full speed into the fence chasing a foul ball and the other for making a diving catch on a line drive. End the end...that should not have mattered that much to me. And, I regret still today for not swallowing my pride and calling him up during those months we did not talk before he passed away.
 
to me there is more to this than just golf. You wanted dad to share the great round your son was playing and i totally get that. I dont know what the right things to say or suggest are. Only you know these things as its your dad and your family and your the onlly one that knows your dad and the relationships. the only thing i can say for 100% certain is that I agree life is indeed too short.

Is it possible he just doesnt take golf as seriously and so playing great just doesnt mean all that much to him. IDK just grasping at straws. Whatever the case I hope you work it out and/or come to terms with it all. Good Luck!
 
OGputtnfool said:
Amazing! Is this the kid you said thinks like my son and now he'll be expecting to shoot -7 every time out? If so, you're in for a long road!
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Yessir. He already thought he should be shooting this score every time out, so it shouldn't change anything lol!
 
Went back and read again to make sure I understood the problem. Since you knew he had other plans and had assured him it was fine , where's the problem.
 
Well I've slept on it. I'm not as upset as I was. The person that stated it could have just been dad honoring another commitment might be 100% right. That wasn't what I was thinking, when he said he was meeting someone from work I looked at it as that person would be joining us. He may have already had his own group and dad was invited to join that. I didn't interpret it that way, but that could be it.

At any rate, it was his loss and I got to share a career round with my kid. He played great and didn't let anything effect him. The back nine was super peaceful. Most of the time it was just he and I within sight in the woods. No one pushing nor were we waiting on anyone.
 
SmiterOfPv1x said:
Just got home. Not real happy. This is mostly a vent post so please move on if you don't want to read about it.

Met dad at the local pasture,, I mean course, to play a round. I knew he was planning on meeting someone from his work around the 9 hole mark and I'd assured him that was fine. I only had my middle son with me so we had a slot anyways. Plus this course is a pasture and if you play on the weekends here, you better be prepared to play slow.

My middle son was having the round of his life. Child is a barely turned 13 year old and he was -3 at the turn. Shot a freaking 32! I was +2 from the same tees and dad was +14. All of us playing from the long tees (total course is barely 6k tipped out). At any rate I was playing per usual, dad was playing per usual, and my kid was posting a career low.

Dad ditched us at the turn. I don't know if he felt like he was holding us back or what? I don't even care. He knows that we (and especially I) love to golf with him. I could care less if he's 500 over or flirting with par. I don't care. I love playing golf with my kids, but I love playing golf with dad just as much. I don't even care that he ditched me, how in the hell could you ever walk away from your barely 13 y/o grandson when he's -3 after 9? He birdied 10 to go to -4 through 10. I don't care what course you're playing, if at any point in the round you are -4, that is a round worthy of praise.

Dad missed it. Dad missed the chance to see how low a barely 13 y/o could go. I won't even say it but I will say that if Par is a score to beat, beating it seven times over is pretty damn good. Kid shot a lower round than I ever have today. I hit the damn ball every inch of 350 with neutral conditions. He gets 225 at best. He's already beat my PB. I play almost every Thursday with dad. I'm so upset with him that I don't think I'm going to play with him this week. At the very least, I'm not going to call him. He won't call me (that's for sure, he never does). We went through this before and we barely talked for 10+ years. Life's too short for that. I don't want to do that again, but he's my dad and I really don't know how to handle this.

I'm frustrated right now. Dad isn't a very good golfer and I know he knows that I don't care about that. It felt like we got ditched so he could do his thing with a co-worker. Even if I'm wrong and that wasn't what it was, how in the hell can you bail on your grandkids career round?

Frustrated and venting. Sorry.
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Maybe you need to bond with dad for a day doing the one thing he enjoys most (whatever that may be), instead of having him along for the thing you enjoy most. Make it a special day for your dad and he will appreciate it.
 
My only advice on this is to love your father the way you want to be loved, don't love him the way he has loved you. That's the only way we can make this world a better place, plus it will be a great example for your son on how to live off the course since it sounds like he is pretty good at playing on the course.
 
luvagoodshot said:
Maybe you need to bond with dad for a day doing the one thing he enjoys most (whatever that may be), instead of having him along for the thing you enjoy most. Make it a special day for your dad and he will appreciate it.
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Dad loves to golf. He took the same hiatus that I did, playing maybe 6-8 times total in the previous ten years. He got back into it big time last year so either fishing or golfing are his 2 main hobbies. Neither he nor I have a boat anymore so he usually fishes with one of my cousins that does.

At any rate, typical for me I overreacted. I'm always trying to grow as a person and I let something really get to me that wasn't that important in the scheme of things.

Thanks for all the comments and advice from everyone. I always like to see all angles to see if I'm off in my thinking. I'll probably call him for Thursday's round anyways, but I'll let him know that it bugged me. Thanks again.
 
Thats a bummer he did that. And congrats to your son for the awesome round. 13 years old hitting it 225 is freaking crazy
 
Great round by your son!

And like others mentioned, if it’s still bugging you just bring it up to your dad in a non confrontational way.
 
Life's to short for grudges. Call him. Call him out for bailing. solve it, bury it and move on. better for everyone that way....
 
mikedean441 said:
Thats a bummer he did that. And congrats to your son for the awesome round. 13 years old hitting it 225 is freaking crazy
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Thank you sir! You think that's nuts, you should see my 14 year old. He hasn't hit on a monitor since march or so and he's gained SS since then but he was swinging it 112 back then on an About Golf sim. He's not a very good golfer but has as much if not more fun than the rest of us. He's hit a couple drives GPS measured at over 300 this year. We've been blessed with length as a family for sure. Except poor 'ol dad. He's never been long but at 62 he's taken good enough care of himself and taken advantage of today's tech and he still hits it as far as he ever did. Usually just short of my 13 year olds drive. :)
 
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