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I'm considering giving up the game

If you are correct that money is factually not an issue but she objects to golf because of the expense then it isn't money, but something money related. My guess: a desire for security. Now this may not make sense to others but that doesn't matter. IF that's what she's feeling then you need to address that issue (and obviously talking to her about this is the only way to confirm what is really going on). But if my theory is correct, take another look at my suggestion for how to manage your money together in my previous post. It works. One last thing, I always try to remember this when dealing with all things spouse: it is better to be happy than right.
 
hjimzaf said:
I'm sure that sentence has been said many times...

I've been seriously playing since my freshman year of high school. I'm now 32 years old and my handicap was at its lowest, 10, about 2 years ago. I played every Friday with a regular foursome, Saturdays with another group, and I hit the range after work 2 times a week.

I then fell in love and got married. We've been married for 2 years and we have a 10 month old son. I knew that with a family my golf playing would go down, but not this much. This is the only argument my wife and I have. I played while we dated, but I guess she never knew how much. Her 2 biggest complaints are that it's too expensive and that I'm gone too long. Anything over $25 is too much for a silly game she says. We come from different backgrounds, hers was a single school teacher income, stay at home mom family, I grew up Cosby Show style, a doctor and an attorney for parents. I clear around $70k a year after taxes and our only debt is our house. Besides utilities, we have no credit card or car debt. When she was working full time, she cleared around $45k. She's gone back part time and plans to go full time soon. In other words, we are not hurting financially. I've played TWICE this year, in May for my birthday and yesterday as my fathers' day gift. I haven't been to the range in over a year. Both of my foursomes have replaced me.

I would never pick golf over my family, but I would like to play more than just on special occasions. Anyone have this problem with their spouse? Any advice?
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Forgive me if I overstep here but it sounds like your wife wants to control the pursestrings. In HER mind golf is a, "silly game" but what silly things does she spend money on? Maybe the next time you are out shopping and she wants to buy a new dress or new purse you could tell her, "thats too much to spend on a silly piece or clothing" or "thats too much to spend on a silly bag". See how she likes it.
Money is the #1 thing that couples fight about, so best of luck there.
Im very lucky that my fiance has always been supportive of my playing golf and has rarely said anything about how much money I spend on it. Even now, when we are trying to save for our wedding and are on a tight budget she made sure to plan for golf in the budget and budget for plenty of money for me to go to the range and play a round once a week.
I could see your wife being critical of you if you were playing 2-3 times a week and slacking on your parenting duties but it sounds like its more of a money issue to her and something that in HER mind is too much money to spend on a, "silly" game.
 
The good lady and I have already agreed that if I look after the nipper whilst she goes to the gym then she's fine if I go and play golf......I do only play once or occasionally twice a week though. It also helps that I usually play with father-in-law, brother-in-laws or her mate's partners
 
LOL at the suggestion of joining a CC to solve the issue of the wife complaining about money spent on golf!
 
I don't have kids, so I can't possibly empathize with the whole situation, but my fiancé and I have an understanding with each other. She has her hobbies, I have mine. She coaches softball, and it takes her away during the week as much as golf takes me away. Usually when she's coaching, I'm on the course. Same with in the winter, I snowmobile once a week or so and she likes to go out for dinner and drinks with her girlfriends. She has also taken up golf the last couple of years. I bought her a set of clubs and she enjoys going out every few months.

Perhaps if she found/has a hobby she liked as much, she could appreciate your view on golf.
 
Wow....tough spot there.
It sounds to me like there needs to be some counseling involved.
 
I had played for about 2 years prior to having our son and even though it was extremely tough I stopped until 3 years when our son outta the blue wanted to start playing golf and now it's a non issue because she comes with us at least once a week and when we are gone just him and I she loves relaxing around the house to it just works and I'm blessed for having a son that loves to golf! I hope things work out for you...
 
Went through something similar with my wife when I used to play in bands and then again with golf a few years ago. Women look at things very differently than guys do. My wife looked at golf not as something I did for myself, but as something I was doing to us. She took the fact that I wanted to spend 4-5 hours away from her, either alone or with other guys as a rejection of her, that I was looking for an excuse to be away from her. She used the "Expense" reason at first, but when I pointed out I spent less playing golf than she did on massages and spa days, we finally got down to the real reason and I was able to explain things to her so she finally gets it now.
 
We finally had a good discussion last night. It really was about money. Her saying that I was gone too long was just a dirty ploy to keep me from spending money. Me being away from home has never been a problem since I only work 3 night a week while they sleep. She brought up a good point. Like I said, prior to marriage, I was playing twice a week and hitting the range twice. That's $400 a month give or take on green fees and large buckets. I told her that I'm not looking to get back to that frequency but I would like to play more than just on special occasions.

Someone in this thread had mentioned something about having spending accounts for each that we can do what we want with. We don't do that, we've always just bought something if we wanted it, if it was a really expensive purchase then we would discuss it prior to purchase. But golf was a really major monthly expense.

I suggested a golf allowance and she agreed. I get $150 a month to spend on golf. How I spend it is up to me. If I spend it all on a fancy round of golf, so be it. If I spend it on a club, so be it. Anything left at the end of the month carries over to the next. I am extremely happy with this agreement. I should be able to play at least once every 2 weeks and still have money for stuff like balls, gloves, etc. We'll see how it goes, but I have a feeling this will work out.

And yes, the minute my son is old enough to swing a club, he will be out there with me!
 
Awesome that you worked that out. Dirty is the only way women play, cause god knows only a select handful can play violent. Coy and clever is the woman's way, and they are very good at it. I really think you should look into a club brotha. I have been a member of one for five years and it keeps the expenses down and the play up, which rules when money is an issue. My wife loves her pool time. I tried, to no avail mind you, to get her to join with me on a gym membership but if the drive is longer than five minutes, she's out. Try looking into a good local course or a a 20-25 round deal that will cost you round 5-800 bucks. They flourish around here on those kinds of set ups. My monthly is 140 and it can't be beat....period.
 
I am glad you still get to play golf but a golf allowance? Does she have an allowance on the things she does?
 
Glad to read there's a compromise in place. Take advantage now cuz if you guys have a second kid it's real tough to get out for 18. It becomes way more demanding and it's tough for the wife to handle both for 4-5 hours. I was a Ranger Rick for the first 6 months, but it's better than no golf at all.
 
I had this problem with my wife when I first started golfing. She wanted to cut me off of my 20$ muni and 6$ range session per week because of the cost, my compromise was that she couldnt spend 100$ a month on her hair and nails, or clothes she doesnt need. The discussion about my golf ended. Alot of women can be weird, you should look at her disposable income per month and see what it comes out to and decide if the deal is fair to you.
 
Haha I like what Tax77 said. It's what came to mind for me too. If she wanted to go shopping, meet the girls, have time alone without the kids... you would give it to her. There's no way in hell you could stop her. So explaining this is the man version of things, she should be able to understand and give you the space to do something you like. it's important for both people in a marriage to take care of themselves too and be happy with their own things, then come back to their partner happy. My mum hits sales and spends money on shopping regularly but within a budget, whereas dad comes back occassionally with some gadget or other that costs as much as mum spent but in one go. So in the end its the same thing.
 
motoo344 said:
I am glad you still get to play golf but a golf allowance? Does she have an allowance on the things she does?
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I mentioned earlier that if either if us wants something, we get it. If it's really expensive, we'll discuss it prior to buying. I was spending over $400 a month on golf. Nothing she does for fun comes close to that.

Tax77 said:
I had this problem with my wife when I first started golfing. She wanted to cut me off of my 20$ muni and 6$ range session per week because of the cost, my compromise was that she couldnt spend 100$ a month on her hair and nails, or clothes she doesnt need. The discussion about my golf ended. Alot of women can be weird, you should look at her disposable income per month and see what it comes out to and decide if the deal is fair to you.
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It's more than fair. She doesn't shop, she gets her hair done once every 5 or 6 months, she doesn't get her fingernails done, she gets her toenails done like maybe once a month if that. Nothing she does for fun was coming anywhere near to what I was spending on golf.
 
i am with dave 3 years and before i met him i knew nothing about golf. at first i must admit i may have been a bit put out by how much time it took up in his life. but as i learned more about golf myself i learned to enjoy watching it with him and heading to the driving range with him. i don't think anything that makes you happy and u enjoy so much is a waste of time or money. i'm sure if someone tried to tell me that i couldn't go shopping or read a good book id be thoroughly unimpressed. you've prob already tried this but maybe you should sit down with your wife and explain to her exactly how you feel about this.
 
This is great glad to hear an agrement was made and as long as your happy with the golf budget no one should critisize just spend it wisly
 
hjimzaf said:
We finally had a good discussion last night. It really was about money. Her saying that I was gone too long was just a dirty ploy to keep me from spending money. Me being away from home has never been a problem since I only work 3 night a week while they sleep. She brought up a good point. Like I said, prior to marriage, I was playing twice a week and hitting the range twice. That's $400 a month give or take on green fees and large buckets. I told her that I'm not looking to get back to that frequency but I would like to play more than just on special occasions.

Someone in this thread had mentioned something about having spending accounts for each that we can do what we want with. We don't do that, we've always just bought something if we wanted it, if it was a really expensive purchase then we would discuss it prior to purchase. But golf was a really major monthly expense.

I suggested a golf allowance and she agreed. I get $150 a month to spend on golf. How I spend it is up to me. If I spend it all on a fancy round of golf, so be it. If I spend it on a club, so be it. Anything left at the end of the month carries over to the next. I am extremely happy with this agreement. I should be able to play at least once every 2 weeks and still have money for stuff like balls, gloves, etc. We'll see how it goes, but I have a feeling this will work out.

And yes, the minute my son is old enough to swing a club, he will be out there with me!
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So glad you two came to a compromise!
 
hjimzaf said:
We finally had a good discussion last night. It really was about money. Her saying that I was gone too long was just a dirty ploy to keep me from spending money. Me being away from home has never been a problem since I only work 3 night a week while they sleep. She brought up a good point. Like I said, prior to marriage, I was playing twice a week and hitting the range twice. That's $400 a month give or take on green fees and large buckets. I told her that I'm not looking to get back to that frequency but I would like to play more than just on special occasions.

Someone in this thread had mentioned something about having spending accounts for each that we can do what we want with. We don't do that, we've always just bought something if we wanted it, if it was a really expensive purchase then we would discuss it prior to purchase. But golf was a really major monthly expense.

I suggested a golf allowance and she agreed. I get $150 a month to spend on golf. How I spend it is up to me. If I spend it all on a fancy round of golf, so be it. If I spend it on a club, so be it. Anything left at the end of the month carries over to the next. I am extremely happy with this agreement. I should be able to play at least once every 2 weeks and still have money for stuff like balls, gloves, etc. We'll see how it goes, but I have a feeling this will work out.

And yes, the minute my son is old enough to swing a club, he will be out there with me!
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I am glad you were able to work it out. Good ole communication. I just wish more people would just say what's on their mind, but I understand the difficulty in doing so when talking about a subject like this. I have been there before.

Good luck to you.
 
Don't give up the game. Make more money and then you claim your right to a hobby.

Don't give up the game. Make more money and then you claim your right to a hobby.

Please don't give up the game. You are too good with a 10 handicap and it is one of the best lifelong hobbies you can ever have. I say this as my golf game sucks right now with thoughts of giving up but I'll never do it. If you enjoy it, you can work something out with your spouse. You don't want to start resenting her for not being able to do this. Go out and make some more money and then set the terms to get back to your hobby.

hjimzaf said:
UPDATE IN POST #59

I'm sure that sentence has been said many times...

I've been seriously playing since my freshman year of high school. I'm now 32 years old and my handicap was at its lowest, 10, about 2 years ago. I played every Friday with a regular foursome, Saturdays with another group, and I hit the range after work 2 times a week.

I then fell in love and got married. We've been married for 2 years and we have a 10 month old son. I knew that with a family my golf playing would go down, but not this much. This is the only argument my wife and I have. I played while we dated, but I guess she never knew how much. Her 2 biggest complaints are that it's too expensive and that I'm gone too long. Anything over $25 is too much for a silly game she says. We come from different backgrounds, hers was a single school teacher income, stay at home mom family, I grew up Cosby Show style, a doctor and an attorney for parents. I clear around $70k a year after taxes and our only debt is our house. Besides utilities, we have no credit card or car debt. When she was working full time, she cleared around $45k. She's gone back part time and plans to go full time soon. In other words, we are not hurting financially. I've played TWICE this year, in May for my birthday and yesterday as my fathers' day gift. I haven't been to the range in over a year. Both of my foursomes have replaced me.

I would never pick golf over my family, but I would like to play more than just on special occasions. Anyone have this problem with their spouse? Any advice?
Click to expand...
 
hjimzaf said:
It's more than fair. She doesn't shop, she gets her hair done once every 5 or 6 months, she doesn't get her fingernails done, she gets her toenails done like maybe once a month if that. Nothing she does for fun was coming anywhere near to what I was spending on golf.
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This might be your problem. She needs to get a hobby or something that she feels passionate about, be it volunteering, exercise, sport, whatever. If she's only engaged in child rearing, she'll have a feeling of bitterness toward you for having something you feel so passionate about and devote such time to.
 
Talking about it works great doesn't it. I am happy to see you two worked it out. The allowance thing lets her know how much you are spending and that its under control.

Well done. Good relationships are built on being able to talk things out and come to a compromise or an understanding.
 
OP, I am happy to hear you came to a compromise. I am sure you will take your range time more seriously. I know I just wasted an hour of my life beating balls with zero purpose.
 
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