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Golfing as a New Dad

G-Man

G-Man

Working on being better in '23!
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Seeing as how there are a number of #newdads on the THP forum, I wanted to summon all the #girldads and #boydads out there. (Both were threads if you lost me there).

Any advice on getting away for some golf. My wife knows I enjoy it and I want to do it while respecting her and not being an ass for disappearing for 4/5 hours on a Saturday or Sunday.

I play in a league on Thursdays and we have talked about it as well.

Thanks in advanced!
 
Well, learning to sleep when the baby sleeps is great for mom and dad. But for you, maybe play 9 when the baby sleeps is more appropriate to say. Congrats on the new baby.
 
The more you convince her that she's more important than golf, the less she'll resent the golf. If you're important to her, she'll know that quilt-free time at golf is something that she can give you.

Be around for all the other stuff and you'll be good to go...literally.

My little guy's turning 22 but I remember those days well. My wife never made me feel bad~
 
Not a dad yet, we're working on it, but from my buddies they simply say if they have something to get to, they make sure another day they get mom those some hours kid free as well
 
Find a way to work in the time not only for you to golf. But for mom to go do something that resembles what normal life was as well. It’s the compromise that makes it ok, it can’t be you escaping and her never escaping for some time to decompress, no matter what she says, she needs it too.

Everything needs to be considered from the perspective of all of you, never one of you. Teamwork really does make the dream work.
 
I work from home 3 days a week and my wife usually goes on a play date or visits family at least one of those days, so those are the days I try to sneak out at 4 and get 18 in the summer when the sun goes down real late. On weekends, one day every other week I’ll try to play 18 if I can get a tee time before 630am or 9 if I can get out by 8am.
 
NEhomer said:
The more you convince her that she's more important than golf, the less she'll resent the golf. If you're important to her, she'll know that quilt-free time at golf is something that she can give you.

Be around for all the other stuff and you'll be good to go...literally.

My little guy's turning 22 but I remember those days well. My wife never made me feel bad~
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This!

Finding balance as new parents is HARD. There is literally only one thing mom can do that you can’t, and with the machinery out now, even that’s not so set in stone. So kick mom out of the house and give her some girl time to do something fun. I said it‘s difficult, but balance is crucial, you each need your own time to adults not just parents, and you need time together as a couple. That gets harder as the kids grow up, but more and more important too. So find ways to be together, even if it means hiring a baby sitter for an hour to go grocery shopping, or even just watching adult type TV shows while the kids sleep. One of the things my wife and I have tried to do for a long time now, is have one on one time with our daughter doing something she enjoys. her and I will play golf, her and her mom will go to dinner and maybe some shopping for fun things. It works out that they do that on my league nights, and then usually Friday nights the kid and I will go to dinner and then go poke things at Best Buy or DSG, which leave my wife free to do what she wants. Finding time as a couple is harder, but important. Remember in just a few years you’ll be alone in the house together, without the young ‘un to bond you, keeping the bond between you both is important. That one actually gets easier as they grow up, they spend more time doing their own things and what not. My daughter told me the other day “We never go out to eat on the weekends any more” and I had to break the news that her parents actually do things when she’s gone on the weekends. :ROFLMAO:

If you’re doing those things, a few hours for golf on the weekend shouldn’t be a big deal. You may find that you only get to play 9 holes most weekends, but it’s something at least. Personally my wife and daughter like to sleep in on the weekends, so I get up early and go play before they’re awake.

Well, that was long..and maybe a bit preachy, but I remember how hard those first years can be. Good luck to all the new parents. Enjoy the ride!
 
You're going to have to settle for less golf and also give her time to do things as well. It's just part of the deal for 10 years or so.
 
dazeedmonds said:
This!

Finding balance as new parents is HARD. There is literally only one thing mom can do that you can’t, and with the machinery out now, even that’s not so set in stone. So kick mom out of the house and give her some girl time to do something fun. I said it‘s difficult, but balance is crucial, you each need your own time to adults not just parents, and you need time together as a couple. That gets harder as the kids grow up, but more and more important too. So find ways to be together, even if it means hiring a baby sitter for an hour to go grocery shopping, or even just watching adult type TV shows while the kids sleep. One of the things my wife and I have tried to do for a long time now, is have one on one time with our daughter doing something she enjoys. her and I will play golf, her and her mom will go to dinner and maybe some shopping for fun things. It works out that they do that on my league nights, and then usually Friday nights the kid and I will go to dinner and then go poke things at Best Buy or DSG, which leave my wife free to do what she wants. Finding time as a couple is harder, but important. Remember in just a few years you’ll be alone in the house together, without the young ‘un to bond you, keeping the bond between you both is important. That one actually gets easier as they grow up, they spend more time doing their own things and what not. My daughter told me the other day “We never go out to eat on the weekends any more” and I had to break the news that her parents actually do things when she’s gone on the weekends. :ROFLMAO:

If you’re doing those things, a few hours for golf on the weekend shouldn’t be a big deal. You may find that you only get to play 9 holes most weekends, but it’s something at least. Personally my wife and daughter like to sleep in on the weekends, so I get up early and go play before they’re awake.

Well, that was long..and maybe a bit preachy, but I remember how hard those first years can be. Good luck to all the new parents. Enjoy the ride!
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Well said.
 
I've been a dad for 9 years now and still struggle finding that balance. The older and more active the kind get the guiltier I feel about being gone for several hours playing. To combat it I try to play as early as possible on weekends so I can be back at a decent time and still have plenty of the productive day with them.

Like others have said make sure your wife knows how much you appreciate her and how important she is. Encourage get to get out and have some her time.
 
I think the somewhat simple answer is that you have to work for it.
Help out with everything, changing diapers, cooking, cleaning.
Give your wife the opportunity to do what she wants for 4-5 hrs a week.
Happy wife, happy life....
My two pennies.
 
I think you're golfing will being taking some down time until some time passes. I know the golfing because secondary after each of my kids were born for awhile. Just have to find a balance. Right now the wife and child are more important, at least it was with me.
 
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Congrats! You’re going to learn that 9 holes still counts as golf. I also like to get up really early and play 18 as a single as the first one out. Can wrap it up in 1.5 hours or so and have the whole day.
Good luck!
 
Once I had my kids, I also started bumping my tee times up to early morning. Getting back by 10am, lots of times they were just getting up and I hadn’t missed much. Now that they are older (8 and 5), we tend to go out more together, which has been fun.
 
I found going super early around 7-730 works best as I can be the first one out and be home before 11.
 
I was lucky enough to have a job that would allow me occasionally play during the week. Weekend golf became something I only did once or twice a year but we always had kid sports on weekends 10+ months a year. Bottom line is my rounds of golf went from about 70+ rounds/year before kids to about 25 rounds after kids until my two oldest were driving. More than half of those 25 rounds each year were when we were on vacation or a work golf outing.

I should add that my wife always worked full time and for 15 years traveled for work 100+ nights each year. I don’t regret cutting back on golf to have more family time and coach some of my kids sports teams. Before you know it they are driving and you rarely see them.
 
Lots of good suggestions in here so far.

You already play in a league, so you're getting weekly golf. Don't push it for more right now.
Just accept that over the next 6-9 months, you won't play a whole bunch, but then again, see the first point.
Make sure momma gets out on her own.
Do some things together, without the baby.
 
Lot of really good suggestions here. Not really much I can add.

I guess just make sure you do take time to discuss it and don’t assume anything haha
 
Got it! Thanks for confirming my approach. I have a friend that never goes anymore and want to find a balance between the two.

Appreciate all the responses and have a great Sunday!
 
As many have said it's about balance. My POV is a little different because I see it as the full-time caregiver to our kids. I play while my older kids are in school during the week and I have my youngest with me. He is 3 and every time I hit the ball he starts yelling let's go faster and get the ball. He tries to make me play 9 in 20 minutes. If I could only keep him grabbing the ball when he bails out of the cart. Once summer rolls around I am lucky to even play because I have all 3 kids.

Plus if there are times to just surprise your wife with something she wants to do could go a long way to her not wanting you to play. Just make sure she and the baby are above your hobby.
 
Jman said:
Find a way to work in the time not only for you to golf. But for mom to go do something that resembles what normal life was as well. It’s the compromise that makes it ok, it can’t be you escaping and her never escaping for some time to decompress, no matter what she says, she needs it too.

Everything needs to be considered from the perspective of all of you, never one of you. Teamwork really does make the dream work.
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You are going to have to settle for less golf, likely a lot less golf. League on Thursday and golf on Sundays? Good luck with that. And to the extent you are playing, Jman pretty much nailed it - she’s gonna need an equal opportunity for away. Now let’s do some quick math. If you want to play 2x a week and she gets 2 days with time away you’ve now got 4 days where the family isn’t operating as a family unit...expect some strain from that...one or more of the parenting units is lkley to have some internal expectations around what it means to be a family and that likely isn’t it.
 
Won’t be much help right away, but when my oldest got about 1 or so, my wife used to ride in the cart while I played and hold him in her lap. Obviously weather has to be ok for this and it was a great time outside together. Probably why now at almost 4 he lives golf.
 
Gman79 said:
Got it! Thanks for confirming my approach. I have a friend that never goes anymore and want to find a balance between the two.

Appreciate all the responses and have a great Sunday!
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I have a friend who never gets out now as well. All he does is push blame on his wife, my assumption is he can't see it, but that's the root of his issues, not her saying what he can and can't do.
 
My advice - put your foot down early. Don’t cave into “family time” or whatever you want to call it. Set the expectation from the beginning that you will be playing golf.
 
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