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The humor thread

I thought this PSA was cute:

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Harry Longshanks said:
Ill. zoo creates ornaments from reindeer droppings
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cow-pie-clock.jpg
 
Well Gary, this is certainly an insight into you we hadn't seen before! Manofest??
 
ClairefromClare said:
Well Gary, this is certainly an insight into you we hadn't seen before! Manofest??
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Actually the first time I've heard of that site. It was forwarded to me.:angel:
 
Sergio.jpg
 
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Assault wth Deadly Cholesterol

Assault wth Deadly Cholesterol

Man allegedly assaults girlfriend with burger

VERO BEACH, Fla. (AP) -- A Vero Beach man faces a domestic violence charge after authorities said he assaulted his girlfriend with a cheeseburger. An Indian River County Sheriff's Office arrest report said a 22-year-old man and his girlfriend got into an argument as they sat in a car in front of their home.

The report said the man would not let the woman out of the vehicle, so she threw his drink out of the car. In response, the man allegedly grabbed her arm and smashed the cheeseburger into her face. The pair got out of the car, and authorities say the man again took the McDonald's sandwich and put it on her face.

The man was released on $1,000 bond Wednesday.
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Is it weird that I always get temporarily befuddled when a burger is referred to as a "sandwich"?
 
Well, I want to see how Darth manages a tee shot in that getup.
 
I'm not really sure whether this qualifies as a "chuckle" or not . . .
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Man arrested after cops find crack in his vomit

CLINTON TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) -- A 25-year-old Detroit-area man literally spilled his guts to police and was arrested on a drug charge after officers found crack cocaine in his vomit. Police said the man swallowed the drugs after a short car and foot chase Tuesday about 20 miles northeast of Detroit.

Clinton Township police caught and were questioning the man when he threw up the crack cocaine and other contents of his stomach. The drugs were picked from the mess.

The man was jailed after being arraigned Wednesday on a controlled substance charge. He has requested a court-appointed attorney.
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Bwa-hahahah

Bwa-hahahah

I'm sitting here drinking my morning caffeine and watching the Nedbank Challenge. As with most of the European broadcasts, they have a number of commentators with a variety of nationalities - British, American, South African, etc.

They also advertise an email address so that viewers can email questions and comments to the announcers, who read and answer some of them. The questions and comments range the gamut of topics, from "Should I bring an umbrella when I visit" to "what are some good courses to play" to whatever happened to so-and-so?"

The announcer who handles the emails (and who sounds British South African, but I could be mistaken) just came on and made the following comment:

"We have a couple of emails from ladies who are obviously very attracted to Henrick Stenson. They are particularly fond of his BUTT, whatever that is."

After a brief pause, Peter Oosterhaus (for those who don't know, Oosterhaus is an announcer for CBS golf) says "I think that is his bottom in English."

The muffled chuckling then begins, followed by outright laughter.

The original email announcer comes back on and says, "Anyway, they liked it."


Hi-frickin-larious!
 
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Harry Longshanks said:
"We have a couple of emails from ladies who are obviously very attracted to Henrick Stenson. They are particularly fond of his BUTT, whatever that is."

After a brief pause, Peter Oosterhaus (for those who don't know, Oosterhaus is an announcer for CBS golf) says "I think that is his bottom in English."

The muffled chuckling then begins, followed by outright laughter.

The original email announcer comes back on and says, "Anyway, they liked it."
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His caddy is "Fanny"...and she's hot!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/gruts/2674514783/
 
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I saw this sign today:

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(I didn't have a camera, so I re-created it using one of those sign generator sites.)
 
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Some women, it seems, will do anything for beautiful feet — even use them as fish food. The practice of plunging feet into a tub of tiny carp called garra rufa, which nibble on dead skin, was popular in some Asian countries and became an American craze after John Ho, a Virginia salon owner, announced he had offered the treatment to 5,000 customers over a four-month period. Soon, pedicurists all over the country were ordering thousands of the fish, which are said to help soften the skin in advance of normal, human-administered pedicures. Unfortunately for some salon owners who had already ordered the fish, Washington and Texas quickly banned the practice on sanitary grounds. Ho, however, is still going strong with his "Dr. Fish Massage" for the feet.
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Spoiler
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That fish massage thing has been around for a bit. Guess you don't watch Ugly Betty, do you?
 
so,yesterday i'm watching the Ladies Dubai and the announcers are talking about Annika's caddie, who will be unemployed soon. so the fellow announcer says, "i'm sure he'll be working for another bag soon enough..."

funny!
 
Boobs vs. Willies

Boobs vs. Willies

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds
of boobs are there?"

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, a woman goes through three phases.
In her 20's, a woman's boobs are like melons, round and firm. In her 30's to
40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions."

"Onions?"

"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, "Mom, how many
kinds of 'willies' are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three
phases also. In his 20's, his ‘willy’ is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In
his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After 50, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration."
 
I was walking through a strip mall outside Chicago and right beside a Sylvan Learning Center was this sign:

Spoiler
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