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The Ketchup Bottle Joke

The Ketchup Bottle Joke

Warning 1: adult (and I use that term loosely) content
Warning 2: works much better in person, with appropriate miming

Spoiler
A young couple had been married for several months but was still pretty innocent. One night at dinner, she asked him, "Honey, our first anniversary is coming up. If there's anything special you want, let me know."

He said, "Well, now that you mention it, I'd really like it if you'd go down on me." [at this point, feel free to ask, "and he MARRIED her??!!"]

The next day, the wife rushes over to the older, wiser neighbor lady and pours her heart out. "My husband wants me to go down on him and I don't know how--I've never done this before."

The neighbor lady reassures her. "Relax. It's easy. Just practice on a ketchup bottle or something and you'll do fine."

So the wife goes home and practices. The weeks roll by, and it's their anniversary. She cooks him a special dinner, and when it's over, she reaches across the table and squeezes his hand.

"Honey, you know that special anniversary present you wanted? I'm ready to give it to you."

The husband is all excited. He jumps up from the table, races upstairs, pulls off his clothes, and throws himself on the bed.

She comes slinking in after him. She kneels over him and whispers, "Are you ready?" "Yes, yes!"

Here's where I need to act it out:

So she leans over, closes one had around his member, and repeatedly slaps the palm of her other hand flat across the top.
 
P.S.A.: Pouring ketchup correctly

P.S.A.: Pouring ketchup correctly

Here's the actual way to pour ketchup. TRY IT! IT REALLY WORKS! I laugh when I watch people banging on the ketchup bottles. No one ever teaches people how to do it right!

(This P.S.A. probably deserves it's own thread since it will help so many people!)

The second video is because I have seen the commercial before but didn't realize who it was!

[YOUTUBE]x6faDt5trSE[/YOUTUBE]

[YOUTUBE]N_vssdys8lk[/YOUTUBE]
 
Who puts ketchup on a hot dog?!?

Ketchup is for burgers and fries only!

Mustard goes on a dog!
 
Only if you really like mustard.

I put ketchup on hot dogs!
 
Harry,
Golfergal and I argue about this one. I want both and she says KETCHUP IS NOT ALLOWED ON HOTDOGS.
 
I would agre Claire. Spicy mustard and Kraut, it's the only way to go. And yes, JB is right I do put kethup on a lot of things (and a lot of ketchup at that) but NOT a hotdog that's just wrong.
 
NorthVanMike said:
onions and mustard, there is no other way.
Click to expand...

Top the Mustard off with some Skyline Chili and cheese then add the onions. That's a real hot dog.

If there's hotdog sauce I'll put that, cheese and mustard on. If not my dogs go plain.
 
Putting chili and cheese on them are the best way to eat hot dogs.
 
Brat with kraut and spicy mustard.
 
Brain Teaser

Brain Teaser

Choose the word that correctly completes the sentence and explain why. The solution is mathematical but does not involve counting:

If Victor's X-ray looks clean, _____________
a. Celebrate
b. Medicate
c. Diagnose
d. Operate
​
 
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