MO_Hacker
At the drag strip
Well put C Tech, I have two daughters and they are total opposites as far as how they are disciplined. The older one was/is the type that if you tell her to do something or not do something she complies right away. The younger has spent more time in time out or in her room in less than half the time. She's a little headstrong, like her mom.I raised 4 kids. I was outnumbered. Someone had to be in charge and, as the oldest, I appointed myself boss. I made them understand as early as I could that this was the situation they found themselves in. I also made them understand that I would be consistent and would always enforce the rules. I also made them aware that there were sure and swift consequences to breaking the rules. I wasn't cruel or unreasonable, I just expected them to act like human beings and do as they were told.
They knew I was going to have my way, after all, I was the boss. It was merely a matter of how much pain they were willing to endure before they behaved. You know, they all turned out to be decent human beings, don't hate me, and have actually told me I was tough but fair. They have also said that a lot of times I was a perfect excuse to keep them from doing things their buddies wanted them to do.
I don't understand how being excessively permissive can possibly be good for kids. How will they ever learn how to deal with the rules society places on them if they cannot be taught to live with them at home. If no one teaches them how to properly behave, how could they know anyone cares about them? Parenthood is a responsibility to your kids and to your society at large. There may be a reason so many kids are getting into trouble....it could have started at home when they were little.
Enough soapbox for me...I just feel strongly about this.
Anyway, my take on parenting is that you have to be consistent and let them know what is expected of them. When they step out of those bounds the consequences will be swift and fair. I think "time out" works if you are consistent with it. Threatening a child with time out or my personal favorite "If you don't stop throwing a fit right now we'll just leave!" and not actually doing it does no good. Children can figure out pretty quick that you're just bluffing, especially when they have been threatened with it before with out the parent actually taking action.