Golf Etiquette - Are My Expectations Reasonable?

[double-hoo]

I need some opinions on an issue of golf etiquette, and specifically whether my expectations are reasonable, or whether I am perhaps approaching "old fogey" territory.

My view has always been, and I have made it a practice, that one should not make noise or move in another golfer's peripheral vision when another golfer is playing. So on the tee, I tend to stay in back of the golfer teeing off, or somewhere else where I am completely out of his site when he is looking down at the ball. Same on the fairway. On the green, I tend to stand to the side out of the golfer's peripheral vision.

I also try not to make any noise when another golfer is swinging or is well into his pre-shot routine (e.g., the waggle). I don't put my clubs back in the bag or remove clubs when another golfer is hitting in reasonably close proximity. I don't open zippers on my golf bag, or jingle my pockets to extract a tee, or shake ice in a drink cup, or toss items in the front of the cart, or bite into an apple, etc., if there is any chance I can be heard. I think it is just good etiquette not to make any noise when another golfer is about to hit, or is preparing to hit. I tend to stay more or less immobile.

One of my regular foursome partners, however, will "get me" about three to four times per round. I'm confident he's not doing it on purpose. I think that, like most of the self-absorbed world today, he's just not aware. So I'll be standing over a putt or over a tee shot, and he'll be standing at about 1 or 2 o'clock in my peripheral vision, and he'll cross his legs, or pick up his club off the ground, or something so I see the movement or hear the noise right at the top of my backswing. Or he'll hit his shot from the fairway, and I'll be about 10 yards away, and at the top of my backswing, I'll hear him dropping his club back in his bag, or maybe tossing his phone into the front of the cart after he checked for text messages.

I've made a comment or two from time to time when he has done this, but he does not seem to be catching on. At least, he's not making a permanent change in his conduct. I'm tempted to be more direct, but he's a long time friend, and I don't want to insult him. Plus, I'm not certain that I'm being reasonable. Perhaps today common courtesy is out of fashion even on the golf course?

Am I being unreasonable expecting other members of the foursome to remain quite and not to move in my peripheral vision when I'm trying to make a shot?

 

[deuce]

What's more important, silence on EVERY shot you make, or his friendship?

He's not talking, he's not walking in your line on the green. Relax a bit IMO.

 

[Golf Ghost]

What's more important, silence on EVERY shot you make, or his friendship?

He's not talking, he's not walking in your line on the green. Relax a bit IMO.

Perfect answer IMO.

 

[krispyk]

If he is a long time friend ask him if he would stop doing that. If he is a real friend he will be okay with it and life will go on as usual between the two of you.

 

[tequila4kapp]

Honestly, I think you might be trending a bit toward the 'old fogey' realm. I am with you on the noise but peripheral vision stuff, not so much.

 

[UglySwing]

I need some opinions on an issue of golf etiquette, and specifically whether my expectations are reasonable, or whether I am perhaps approaching "old fogey" territory.

Gross distractions are a matter of golf etiquette. But, I don't think what you are describing are things that are gross distractions. They are simply less than ideal conditions.

At the very least, on a public course, you are going to have to learn to deal with that.

Even the pro's playing for big money, with millions of eyes watching, have to deal with that stuff.

While I understand your frustration, what you are experiencing isn't (in my opinion) altogether atypical from what most of us might experience in one form or another from time to time.

It's definitely not worth losing a friend over.

I golf with my best buddy. He does things that sometimes drive me crazy on the course; but I guarantee that works both ways. There are certain to be things that I place less importance on, that he places more on, that can be equally frustrating to him.

So, I try and remember that, and also that my friendship takes priority over my golf outing. Not always easy to do, especially if your score stinks, or you mis-hit a couple of balls badly.

 

[Evok]

If he is a long time friend ask him if he would stop doing that. If he is a real friend he will be okay with it and life will go on as usual between the two of you.

This is what i was thinking. If it REALLY bothers you that much, ask him politely to stop and as a friend he'll likely understand and make an affort to stop and you guys will continue to enjoy each others company on the golf course.

 

[Misike]

I'm ok with not making noise in the backswing. But I think worrying about the peripheral vision is a little too much.

 

[double-hoo]

It would not cause a break in the friendship if I said something. We've known each other for 30 years and have been through lots together, and so it would not be a long-term issue. I just am a bit hesitant to say something that would be somewhat critical. I'm sure he'd be over it in a minute, but I still hesitate.

I have to admit that I'm surprised at the number of "old fogey" responses. Perhaps I watch too much golf on TV where all of the other golfers and caddies seem to really take pains to be courteous (galleries to me are a different issue) , or perhaps I'm applying rules that I was taught when I learned to play golf, and etiquette is not that big a deal anymore. But then, I tend to hold doors for people too - whether they be men or women.

 

[double-hoo]

I'm ok with not making noise in the backswing. But I think worrying about the peripheral vision is a little too much.

So let's assume you have a tricky 6-foot downhill putt, and the guy is standing about six feet away holding the flag. You can see his feet in your peripheral vision as you look down at the ball. As you pull the putter back, and just as you begin your forward stroke, he crosses his feet so you can see the movement. That wouldn't bother you?

I'm not trying to be argumentative. Just curious as to how others would feel, and whether they would not find that bothersome at all.

 

[Golf Ghost]

So let's assume you have a tricky 6-foot downhill putt, and the guy is standing about six feet away holding the flag. You can see his feet in your peripheral vision as you look down at the ball. As you pull the putter back, and just as you begin your forward stroke, he crosses his feet so you can see the movement. That wouldn't bother you?

I'm not trying to be argumentative. Just curious as to how others would feel, and whether they would not find that bothersome at all.

All personal as there is no right or wrong, but personally I look at as I'm not out there playing for big bucks or a trophy, so not going to let it bother me.

 

[Misike]

Golf Etiquette - Are My Expectations Reasonable?

So let's assume you have a tricky 6-foot downhill putt, and the guy is standing about six feet away holding the flag. You can see his feet in your peripheral vision as you look down at the ball. As you pull the putter back, and just as you begin your forward stroke, he crosses his feet so you can see the movement. That wouldn't bother you?

I'm not trying to be argumentative. Just curious as to how others would feel, and whether they would not find that bothersome at all.

Ok. If he's moving around while you're putting (and right in front of you) then I can see your point. If he's standing still then I think it's ok.

 

[Erky]

Hard to say. I notice almost zero of that crap.

 

[Lefty78]

Be still, be quiet, be and if possible, be out of peripheral vision.

 

[sposey013168]

So let's assume you have a tricky 6-foot downhill putt, and the guy is standing about six feet away holding the flag. You can see his feet in your peripheral vision as you look down at the ball. As you pull the putter back, and just as you begin your forward stroke, he crosses his feet so you can see the movement. That wouldn't bother you?

I'm not trying to be argumentative. Just curious as to how others would feel, and whether they would not find that bothersome at all.

If I saw that I would say I need to focus more on the ball

 

[blugold]

Maybe he is just trying to play ready golf. None of that bothers me. I don't think he's trying to bother you on purpose. I also don't think asking him to stop moving or making noise is a wrong. Asking him to stay out of your peripheral vision, that's a bit much.

 

[JMN57]

OP, I don't think that you are an old fogey. My approach matches almost exactly yours and I appreciate when other golfers do as you describe. That said, I pass on commenting on less than that unless someone is really distracting.

 

[rollin]

a long time friend, you should be able to talk directly with him about anything without worrying of insult and besides nothing here (in this topic) between friends to be considered insulting anyway.

As for the actual problem, Let him know it bothers you however even if he cooperated better for it, you'll still have to deal with other people you may play with and/or near by that may make all kinds of noises and sometimes very carelessly by people with absolutely no awareness or concern for common courtesy.

What do you do at the driving range? Plenty of times very many people not just a little noisy but acting like jerks. I say bring it on, as much noise and distraction they can make and it will just make it so it wont bother you anymore. You may be able to tame your friends actions but there is always going to be another one from someplace and/or someone else. The more you except it, the more you'll get use to it.

 

[Renren89]

I mean yeah it's the right thing to do but honestly if it really gets to you that much I think you need to focus a bit more on blocking out distractions.

 

[Evan]

When I was younger and playing competitive golf, stuff like that would bother me all the time, and I realized I needed to learn to deal with it. What got me over it was just talking to people as I'm hitting the ball, and playing pretty quickly. Now you could play the drums in my backswing and it doesn't bother me. There will always be distractions on the course, it could be your friend or people on another hole in my opinion it's just something that you tune out and enjoy the game.
TL;DR I used to be terrible to play with; also these things shouldn't bother you.

 

[double-hoo]

What do you do at the driving range?

It's not an issue at the driving range, because the noise is pretty much constant and endemic to the situation/environment. We even play music when we golf, and it's not an issue because it is constant, and because it is constant you can block it out or focus beyond it. It's like when Bubba Watson at the Ryder Cup has the crowd cheer. A sustained cheer or noise is a whole lot different from there being silence, and then someone yelling at the top of your backswing.

 

[double-hoo]

Asking him to stay out of your peripheral vision, that's a bit much.

Just to be clear, I don't have a problem with people being in my peripheral vision per se. The issue is moving at the top of my backswing when they are in my vision. I choose to stay out of people's peripheral vision just because I know that there will be no issue if I suddenly have to move.

 

[blugold]

Just to be clear, I don't have a problem with people being in my peripheral vision per se. The issue is moving at the top of my backswing when they are in my vision. I choose to stay out of people's peripheral vision just because I know that there will be no issue if I suddenly have to move.

You do you.

I'm not sure I have the tempo control to react to movement. Sound, a sudden juggle of ice or loud bang, that would get me. But not movement. please note, I have swing tempo issues.

 

[double-hoo]

I mean yeah it's the right thing to do but honestly if it really gets to you that much I think you need to focus a bit more on blocking out distractions.

Agreed. I wish this was easier for me to do. Everybody has different capacities to focus in different situations. I can study something intensely in a book or on the internet while the TV is blasting something dramatic (like in an NBA game) and not even notice what is happening. I went through law school studying with the TV on all the time for my wife, and it was like there was no sound. But when I'm at the top of my backswing, a sudden noise bothers me. I'm sure I'm not alone in that regard.

To me, it comes down to a balancing of "rights" or "conveniences," so to speak. A golfer really doesn't lose anything by waiting five seconds before they drop their club in the bag, or staying still for 3 seconds. How hard is it really to show courtesy to people? But then, we live in a world where people don't re-rack their weights at the gym, don't use turn signals, and throw their cigarette butts out their car window (so here in California they end up in the ocean). Uh oh, the old fogey is coming out again. LOL.

 

[Fourputt]

Such things rarely distract me, but I try to be careful not to do them when others are playing. I have a one track mind, so when I'm focused on the shot, I don't even notice anything happening around me. I've had guys apologize after my swing for talking while I was hitting, and I'll reply "Oh, were you talking?" I just don't let it penetrate.